Winter Eyes
by bittasummer
Summary: Shane/Carmen. Set in teenage years. The girls attend a boarding school and choas follows. Multi-chapter. Discontinued.
1. Prologue

**The L Word –**

_**Winter Eyes**_

**Summary:** Totally AU. Sharmen set in adolescent years... Carmen's the new girl at the all girl St. Rosemary's Boarding School. There, she meets Shane and a couple other problems... Drama/Tension/Angst... You got it.

**Pairings:** Sharmen and little bit of Dana/Alice

**Rating:** Teen I think, haven't decided.

**Other:** I don't know where I'm going with this but I at least wanna write a couple chaps til I post and normally these days, I latch onto something and suddenly, all the inspiration is gone quickly so I wanna try really hard to finish this one... Oh and I'll be doing it in Carmen's POV cause I really think that Shane's a mystery however you wanna write her... Lol

* * *

**Prologue**

-

I hadn't had the greatest start in life. My Mayan Medicine man father had died before I was even born and my mother had died in labour. My brothers and sisters were too young to look after me and they got adopted.

I was in and out of foster-homes until, one day, when I was 17, I was sent to an all girl boarding school: St. Rosemary's. It was a big castle, brown bricks fading away into grey.

It smelled like smoke and alcohol, and I must have guessed that things lacked a bit of discipline.

That was an understatement. As much as I enjoyed the fact that we didn't have to wear uniform or anything, our Head-Teacher; Miss. Causley was anything but normal.

Her pink hair was always pulled into a bun and she wore black leather hooker boots and a silk cream dress. I thought nothing could get stranger but it did.

She was a little odd. And a little strict, but usually they weren't that bad sort of punishments although... There was this one time when I got such a cold standing outside on the field.

The dorm room was noisy, smelling of smoke and ash and the windows were painted a light shade of grey. Like nobody wanted any sort of light or happiness, I didn't really care at the time.

The dorm they put me in was the attic. Several big beds were laid out next to each other. I shared the dorm with four other girls my age: Shane, Alice, Dana and Jenny.

Where can I begin? Alice was loud, jokey, and laughable but I knew it was a cover for her messed-up childhood. She loved writing and would sit for hours on end just writing in her diary.

Dana was quiet and shy but she loved playing tennis and whenever she hit the ball with her racket, I could tell she had a furious side that no one had ever seen before.

Jenny. Ha. Jenny. Prissy Barbie-Doll, she was. Queen Bitch, Royal Cow, Queen Bee, everybody who weren't Goths, stoners, tom-boys, or other would be Followers. Followers of Jenny. Some wanted her; others wanted to be her...

But, at night, when she didn't have her make-up on or a million girls by her side, we could all see the vulnerable side of her, even if we didn't want to admit it.

Shane. Shane. Where can I start on Shane? There's a million words I could use and yet they wouldn't even begin to describe how Shane is. What's so amazing and weird and wonderful about her.

Do you wanna hear my story? There's fights, tears, underage drinking, more fights, teenage raging hormones, teenage lust, and some more tears.

It's really not a happy story.

Well, what can I say? Story of my life...

I warned you.


	2. Part 1

**Part I**

**-**

I stare up at the Boarding School in front of me. In big black gold letters were the words: _**St. Rosemary's Boarding School**_ on the big castle, above the entrance.

My social-worker dropped me off 15 minutes ago and yet I can't stop staring. My stomach was plummeting, my head was spinning and my palms were getting sweaty. To say I was nervous would be an understatement but I gulped my fears and looked around.

Nice country-side, river, garden with flowers... That had thongs among them... Weird. There was this one car that got my attention; it was shaped like a oval, with purple strips going down it and—

"You new?" a rich voice jumped me out of my thoughts.

I turn back and see a girl, around my age, doused in make-up, with long brown hair, wearing a slutty school uniform and behind her were several look-a-likes, smirking at me.

"Yeah" I mutter out. All I had with me is a black shoulder bag and a gym bag but it suddenly felt extremely heavy.

"I'm Jenny" she extends her hand out as if I'm supposed to kiss it.

Rightttt. I shake it once, politely and smile sweetly "Carmen" I offer.

She glances at me once, a little too much and I start to feel a little self-conscious.

I hear foot-steps behind me and Jenny looks up, her eyes going dark. I turn and find myself staring at this girl. She's tall, lanky, with short dark hair, wearing skinny jeans, converses, a white wife-beater and a black demin jacket.

Wow. Okay, I'm a little attracted to her. Okay, a lot. There's two girls standing next to her. One has medium length blonde hair and is wearing red dungarees with black shoes and the other had dark shoulder-length hair and wearing a tennis out-fit.

"Shane" Jenny purses her lips like she's tasting something nasty.

Shane puts out her cigarette and the blonde one appears to mumble something in Shane's ear.

"Give it a rest" the blonde mutters out, getting a look from the tennis-player.

"Oh Alice" Jenny grins falsely "I know it's just your undying love for me but please, try not to talk... My ears will bleed to death".

"Oh, I only hope" Alice retorts, smirking.

My phone rings while Jenny continues to make comments and I pull out my Side-Kick and walk away from Jenny, answering it.

"Yeah?" I answer. The only calls I get are from people who have reviewed my resume, my social-worker and Kit. Kit was once my foster-mother. She bought me this phone and made me promise to answer whenever she called.

"Hello?" I repeated. The line crackled and no-one answered. In the back-ground, I could hear Alice and Jenny exchange death-threats.

"Kit?" I asked. Damn this stupid line.

Suddenly, the heavens opened and before I knew it, they were all running to get into the castle. Me on the other hand, didn't want to go in there. I hung up and shoved my phone in my pocket.

I stood there. Like an idiot, just staring at the rain. It was when the thunder and lightning came did I move. I open the black door and turn to find a woman in boots and a pink dress, listening to Jenny tell how Shane, Alice and the tennis girl had threatened them.

Shane was smirking, Alice was rolling her eyes and the tennis girl looked annoyed.

The pink woman turned and frowned at me. Then she smiled. "Carmen!" she pulled a piece of paper out of her jacket pocket and stared "Carmen De La Pica Morales! Welcome, come, you must be soaked" she takes me by surprise with this hug and I still look surprised.

"Miss Causley!" Jenny sounded impatient "Shane threatened to kill me! She did and I have to sleep in the room as them! I can't! I'm scared for my own safety!".

I can't help but laugh and Jenny glares daggers at me "What the hell are you laughing at, Pica?".

"Nothing" I gripped my sides "It's just... You reminded me of a girl I used to know back at my old foster-home..." I paused, smiling "She was 4".

Shane and Alice laugh as well and I find my phone ringing again "Hello?" I answer "Hello?" I hang up, sighing again. What the hell?

"I demand to be moved!" Jenny shrieks "I bet Shane has this plan to tie me up and lock me in the basement... Forever!".

Shane nods in approval and gives her the thumbs up.

"Oh please!" Alice cries "Shane wouldn't have anything to do with _you_! I bet you have crabs or something!".

"Slander!" Jenny shouts again "Slander!".

"Carmen" Miss Causley interrupts "You can share with Shane and the others... I know you'll just love it there" she pushes me towards the stairs "Go on, Shane, Alice, Dana... Show Carmen up..." she turns to Jenny "Come through Jenny and we'll talk this through".

I follow Shane, Alice and Dana up the stairs. Wow, it's a long climb. My legs feel like they're going to break when I finally reach the top of the attic. The door is half black, half pink.

The top part is black, with pictures of Shane, Alice and Dana on it. There are drawings, tattoos, Jennifer Lopez and a picture of Rosemary's castle with a sign above it that said: **Prison**. The bottom half was pink, with pictures of Jenny and her friends scattered on it. She had Barbie-Doll pictures and drawing of make-up on it.

Shane opened the door and immediately went to the back of the room and flopped down a bed. I look around. There are two beds at the back, facing down, two beds by the window and a pink bed by the door. I guess that it's Jenny's.

"You're over there" Alice points to an empty bed next to Shane. Alice and Dana take the beds by the window and I have to wonder; how long have they been here?

"Don't even look at me" Jenny has entered the room and slammed the door shut, sitting on her bed.

I walk towards the back of the room and dump my wet bags at the side so I can lie on my bed. I smile in the comfort of the cozy room and feel myself drifting off into sleep when—

"Carmen?" Jenny sits ups.

I'm lying down with my eyes closed but I mutter out "What?".

Silence. She seems confused.

"Nobody is trying to kill you, okay?" I sigh softly.

"Carmen?" she says again.

I sit up and look at Jenny. She has my phone. She's looking at my phone.

"What the fuck?" I growl, storming over and grabbing my phone back.

"Who's Bette?" Jenny smirks, pulling me into her.

"Fuck off" I push her away and storm back to my bed.

"Carmen?" it's Alice this time "Carmen?".

"What!?" I scream.

"Carmen!".

I jerk awake, sweating with confusion. Jenny, Shane, Dana and Alice are staring down at me, frowning.

"What?" I raise my eyebrows.

"Who's Bette?" Jenny looks puzzled.

"Excuse me?" I go defensive.

"Geez" Jenny pulled away, frowning "You were the one mentioning it".

"Yeah, well why don't you keep your fucking slutty ears shut!?" I growl at her and rummage through my bag to find my phone. No messages. No calls. Dammit.

Shane, Dana and Alice slump back to their beds, giving each other's looks. I know. I glance out the small window and sigh. This wasn't a big nightmare. Just reality.

"If you're thinking of escaping, I wouldn't" this is the first time I've heard Shane speak. I love her voice. It's musky, husky, dark and I want to hear more of it.

"What?" I look confused.

Shane sits up "I know what you're thinking... I've thought that. You can't escape. There's not a bus station for 45 miles and the nearest cafe and church is 50 minutes drive... Tops".

"What makes you think I can't pull it off?" I look at her honestly.

She smirks and I want to melt inside "I guess I'll just have to wait and see".

"Could you go and flirt somewhere else?" Jenny drawls from her bed, rolling her eyes.

"Cover for me" I tell the room, shoving my bags under the bed covers.

"Where are you going?" Alice asked.

"To raid the liquor cabinet" I reply, fluffing the pillows up.

"You're crazy" Dana in-puts "You'll get caught".

"What is it with you people and your lack of faith?" I mutter out, changing into a black tank-top and girl boxers. I feel Shane's eyes on me the whole time and I love it.

I roll my hair into a loose messy bun and quickly slip on some blue ankle-socks. I don't trust the floor in this place. At all.

"Wait up" I see Shane shrug off her green jumper, revealing a white wife-beater. She slips out of her jeans and quickly pulls on black girl boxers. Cute.

"Wait Shane" Alice looks worried "What if you get caught?".

Shane shrugs and I follow her out.

"You know where they keep the alcohol?" I whisper.

Shane nods "I practically lived there for the first 3 months".

"Guys, hold it" Jenny's voice announces.

"What?" I sigh.

"You're not leaving me here with those lesbos" Jenny hisses.

"I'm gay" I state.

"You don't even need to ask with me" Shane smirks.

"So? I'm gay too but..." Jenny hisses again "Those two... I don't wanna watch them hook up, do I?".

"Point taken" I mumble out. We slip down the stairs but our heads snap up when Alice and Dana appear.

"We're coming" Alice nearly shouts.

"Alright Al" Shane looks annoyed.

We continue to slip down the stairs until someone's footsteps are heard and I follow Shane round a corner. She grabs my arm shoves us both into a closet.

I don't know where Jenny, Dana and Alice have hid but if they have gotten caught, I pray to god that Jenny doesn't open her big mouth and hang us all out to dry.

Shane's hot breath is on my neck and suddenly all I can think about is pinning her to the wall and playing vacuum-hoover with her mouth.

The footsteps die down and I can roughly see Jenny through the hole in the door. She's looking around, confused.

"Guys?" she whispered.

I open my mouth to speak but Shane's soft hand slaps over my mouth, her body pining me to the wall. My eyes seek hers and her mouth drifts to my neck, to my cheek and finally to my ear.

I see Jenny find Dana and Alice.

"They're probably already down there" Alice frowned. They're talking about us.

"Fine, let's go" Jenny leads the way and Dana and Alice follow her hesitantly.

Shane releases her grip on me and I gasp out breath.

"Let's go" she takes my hand before I can ask what the hell that was about.

"Shane" I stop her "What the fuck?".

"You wanna go drink rum and coke with Miss Malibu and the Hormonal Twins or do you wanna drink some real vodka?" she asks me.

I say nothing and let her lead me to another door. It opens to some narrows steps and we walk up them. She opens another door at the other end and I'm amazed as we walk out onto the roof.

"Shane" I gasp out.

She lets go of my hand and closes the door over. I watch her stride over to a piece of wood that is covering the roof ground. She shoves it off and I watch her wave away some leaves until I can clearly see 5 bottles of Russian Vodka hidden in the dip in the ground.

I glance out at the dark cold night. The country-side looks eerie and haunted, a bit like me and suddenly Shane is calling my name.

"Carmen?" She's sitting down, holding an open vodka bottle.

"Sorry" I shake my head and sit down across from her. She takes a swig and hands me the bottle. I gladly take it and swig down more than I know my body can take. I gasp as I swallow and then I frown.

"You taste like lavender" I tell her, smirking as I hand the bottle back.

Shane smirks back and takes another swig. She grins "You taste like strawberries".

I think we went through at least 3 bottles alone. Somehow, Shane wasn't nearly as drunk as I was. I remember her covering the rest of the bottles back over and then placing her arm around my waist.

"You're not feeling me up, are you?" I laugh loudly.

"Why?" I feel her breath on me again "Do you want me to?" she's a little tipsy.

I remember us stumbling back to the dorm. Jenny, Dana and Alice are passed out on Dana's bed. I feel Shane push me down into my bed after she had shoved my bags on the floor. I laugh and she falls down on top of me.

"Carmen" Shane breathes out.

"Noooo" I shake my head "I'm... So tir—tired" I pull the covers up over us, not realising that she is still lying on top of me.

Suddenly, her head is buried in the crook of my neck and I soundly drift off into sleep.

The next thing I can remember is the shrieking of an alarm clock, Jenny throwing up and the shouting of Dana that something is on fire.

* * *


	3. Part 2

**Part II**

**-**

I stand in my girl-boxers and tank-top, freezing and silently cursing my stupidity of getting wasted the first night here. I glance over at Shane, who looks like she's off somewhere in her own little world. Jenny is muttering something about planning revenge and Alice and Dana are looking at the ground, half-asleep.

Our punishment was to stand out in the freezing aftermath of the storm, one that was non-existent while me and Shane were up on the roof. Typical. The wet grass is soaking my feet and I think I might have pneumonia.

"Oh no!" Jenny turns and throws up. Again.

"I'm never drinking with you guys again!" she growls.

I sigh. This totally blows.

"Yeah and where the hell did you two go anyway?" Jenny narrows her eyes "You weren't in the kitchen or Miss Causley's office and suddenly, we wake up, you're all hammered and passed out, I don't get it".

"We found some rum in the cupboard" I try not to smile "We just went back upstairs".

"Sure" Jenny clutches her stomach again.

"I so have to pee" I whisper out.

"There's a bush over there" Shane mutters, pointing to where a single bush stood alone on the field that we stood on.

I laugh and shake my head "Oh no... Where you can all see me... Don't think so".

"Shane will get into your pants sometime" Jenny tells me matter-of-factly "She's been with nearly every single dyke in this place".

Ouch. That shouldn't have hurt as much as it did. "Well, I'm not adding to anyone's Dyke List" I mumble out.

"Just wait" Jenny nods at me.

"Yeah well, Shane's not my type" I bite back, a little bitter.

Jenny laughs "Shane's not your type!? Please... She's everybody's type!".

"I am right here" Shane states, annoyed.

"She's everybody's type?" I ask Jenny "Oh, so you've had her then?".

Jenny shrugs, a little less cocky than before "Well... I was new and...".

"We walked in on them" Alice announces. She looks up, exhausted.

"I had urges!" Jenny defends herself poorly "Besides, I was new and...".

"Was she any good?" I ask, grinning.

Shane shoots me a look and I shrug.

Jenny goes quiet.

"Oh my god!" I squeal "You didn't, did you?".

"Twice" Alice in-puts again.

"Oh shut up" Jenny snaps.

"How much longer?" Dana tilts to the side, leaning on Alice's shoulder.

"Ask the sex god" I mutter bitterly.

Shane shoots me another look but I ignore it. I'm so done with liking her. She's not adding me to her freebie list.

"Screw this" I step forward and a couple seconds later, the hose sprinklers come on. I shriek as it hits everybody else.

"You couldn't resist, could you?" Jenny screams at me.

"The bush!" Alice shouts.

"The bush!?" I cry back. What the hell is she thinking?

I feel Jenny grab my hand and pull me towards the bush that they're heading too. We get behind the bush and Jenny winces at her hair.

"Freaking cold!" I shiver.

"I will fucking kill Miss Causley! Look at my fucking hair!" Jenny screams.

"This is all your fault!" Jenny adds, pointing to me.

"My fault!?" I retort "I had to pee! It's not my fault that Causley has eyes on the freaking castle! And she controls the freaking water system!".

"Will you all just shut up!?" Dana screams.

We go quiet and stare. Wow. It's the first time I've seen Dana not all nervous and shy.

"Geez" Jenny mutters "Whatever".

"On three" Alice announces.

"No" me and Jenny cry at the same time.

"On three" Alice nods, taking Dana's hand.

I automatically link hands with Shane and Jenny. "Three" Alice cries and we jump up, running towards the castle like it was life and death.

**-**

**2 Hours Earlier**

**-**

"Ow" I clutch my head. It feels like it's about to explode. Something _is_ about to explode. Something's ringing... Beeping... My arm flails out and I whack Shane's alarm clock to the floor, hearing it smash.

"Sorry" I mutter to Shane, who's sighing softly against my chest.

"Shane" I mumble, shaking her a little. She's laid half on-top of me and half off. She mumbles something incoherent and I frown.

"Shane?" I repeat "Shane?".

"Fire!" I hear Dana's voice scream "Fire!".

"Dammit it!" Jenny cries before clutching her stomach and throwing up.

"Shane!" I jerk up and she rolls to the floor, shrieking with a thud.

I rub my eyes and see Dana throwing her blanket over a pillow that is covered in flames.

"Oh my god" I pull Shane up. Alice is helping her with the fire when Miss Causley bursts in, holding a frying pan.

"Uh!" Dana puts the fire out with a last whack and waves her hand about to move the smoke.

"What is going on!?" Miss Causley screamed.

"Jenny wanted a smoke" Dana explained, out of breath "And—".

"It was an accident" Jenny groans, throwing up again.

Miss Causley sighs and then narrows her eyebrows "Why do I smell alcohol?" she frowned "How many of you are drunk?".

We all raised our hands.

"My office!" Miss Causley cried, annoyed "Now!".

**-**

**2 Hours Later**

**-**

Me, Shane, Dana, Alice and Jenny stood outside the castle, banging on the door. The rain wouldn't give up and I was absolutely freezing.

"You had to chance it!" Jenny curses at me.

I'm so sick of her.

"You wanna go right now?" I retort "Cause we can go right now, Barbie!".

"Carmen" Shane pulls me off to the side "Don't, okay? We're in enough trouble as it is".

"Yeah well, don't do me any favours" I snap.

"Are you mad at me?" Shane frowns.

"No Shane" I shake my head "I don't even know you" I walk back to the door and kick it roughly. It flies open and they stare at me in shock.

"What?" I shrug "I took a self-defence class".

I'm in the heat of the castle in seconds and just as I'm about to move, Miss Causley appears in front of us, holding towels. She gives us the towels and sighs.

"My office, girls" she points the way and we walk off, wrapping the towels around ourselves.

**-**

I sigh ironically at our situation. I'm squeezed between the wall and Shane. I'm so sure she's grinding against me on purpose. Dana, Alice and Jenny are also squeezed into a bench.

"I'm so disappointed" Miss Causley is sat behind her desk, looking at us.

"Tell you what" she begins "I'll give a month's probation... And if you still can't live together, then I'll split you up... Meanwhile, I have some chores for you to do..." she produces a list from her desk and hands it to Dana.

"You'll work together" Miss Causley adds "Eat together, live together... Until you can learn to get along... Understood?".

Dana, Alice and Jenny nod.

"Off you go" Miss Causley tells us "You're already late for classes so just go back and get cleaned up for dinner... After dinner, you can start your detentions and then before Supper, you can start your chores... Bedtime curfew will be 10pm, no later, are we clear, girls?".

"Yes" Dana and Alice mutter together.

"Good, off you go" Miss Causley watches us leave.

"That bitch" Jenny mutters when we'll outside her office.

"I call hot water!" Alice shrieks, jumping upstairs to the attic.

"Shit" Shane sighs.

"No!" Jenny runs after her.

"What?" I frown.

"We only get a certain amount of hot water" Dana explains "Sometimes, we end up sharing with each other".

"Yeah" Shane suddenly smiles "I'll share with you, Carmen".

"Great" I grin falsely back. She wants to talk, fine, we'll talk... But if she thinks she's adding me to her 'dyke' list, then she can forget it.

**-**

"You wanna tell why you've been sniping at me since this morning?" it's the first thing Shane asks as she closes the bathroom door behind her.

"Sniping?" I frown "I don't know what you're talking about, Shane?".

"_Sex god_?" Shane mocks my voice "_Shane's not my type_! _Dyke List_?" she moves forwards, pissed "What the fuck, Carmen?".

"Jenny was going on about how you bag girls" I shrug "And, I'm not some prize, I didn't like the fact that she implied that I'll just fuck someone because they're good in bed" I slip out of my clothes and hop into the shower before she can reply.

The cold water hits my skin and I shriek with surprise.

"Are you sure that's it?" Shane asks me and I freeze. She's taking off her clothes as well.

I brace myself as I feel her step in behind me.

"Carmen?" she whispers.

I turn on impulse and her eyes meet mine. "What?".

"Can you pass the soap?" Shane smiles.

"Sure" I turn and grab the soap, cursing silently.

"Here" I give it to her and she quickly rubs her hand over it and then over her body.

Oh god. Help me.

I can't help but stare at her. She's so perfect. Her lanky frame is such a turn on, her breasts are small and perky and oh my god, are those abs real? Shit, did she catch me looking? No, thank god...

The curve of her shoulder blade is graced with soft skin and all I want to do is run my hand over it. Her back arches in and I can see her spine showing through.

I glance down and I know that if she turns, she'll know. I'll be busted. There's no way that nobody could say that I was not admiring her... My face just shows longing.

Her legs are so smooth and long and she moves them like she was dodging nails on the shower floor.

"Carmen?" her voice jumps me out of my chain of thought.

"Huh?" I look up.

"Soap" she gives it to me and we successfully trade places as she leans under the shower to wash the soap off. I'm a little self-conscious and I know that she's looking at me exactly the way I looked at her. Shit.

I rub the soap over quickly, wanting this torture to be over. I amuse myself with other things as I stand next to her and let the water run over me.

I shiver and freeze when I feel Shane's hand run down my back. I turn and question her with my eyes.

"Sorry" she mumbles under the water "You had a little bit of soap on...".

"Oh" I nod "Thanks" I wet my long dark hair and look around for shampoo.

"Here" Shane hands me the bottle. I glance up and she's already got shampoo in her short locks. A bit of shampoo has run down her face and I can't stop myself when I reach out and wipe it aside.

She smiles at me a little and I go back putting the shampoo in my hair. We both stand under the shower in attempt to get our hairs rinsed. It's no surprise when her hair is rinsed a lot quicker than mine and I freeze again when she grabs the end of my hair and rinses the soap out.

"Shane" I began.

"Hang on" she pulls my head back until I'm right under the shower and I have to bit her lip in order to not moan as her fingers run through my hair.

3 and a half minutes later when she says she's done, I turn around and our dark eyes meet with something I didn't know existed in me at all.

Shane turns the shower off and I hop out quickly so she can too. I wrap the towel around myself and start of dry myself off. Shane does the same, as I pull on my clean girl-boxers and pyjama quarter-lengths. I use the towel around my body to wrap my hair up and I feel her eyes on my chest, even as I pretend that I don't.

I slip on a matching tank-top and look up to find her in boxers and a black tee-shirt. She's rung her short hair with the towel and I guess I'm a little envious of how easy her hair can dry. Mine takes forever. Seriously.

We hung our towels up and enter back into the dorm room. Jenny is curled up in bed. She's obviously missing dinner until we have to do detention and chores.

Dana and Alice are sat on Alice's bed, reading a magazine.

"Al, will you pick me something up when you go down for dinner?" Shane asks as she slumps down on her bed.

"Me too" Jenny mumbles from her bed.

"Me three" I add as her brush my damp hair out.

"Fine" Alice rolls her eyes "Pizza and chips alright?".

"Great" Shane gives her the thumbs up.

I pull my hair into a high bun and then shove a hair-band up my forehead so my fringe won't come out. I grab some socks from my bed and pull them on. I might as well have my converses ready for after dinner. Detention and then chores. It's so not right.

I feel Shane's eyes on me so I look over "What?" I frown.

"Nothing" she shrugs.

"I don't feel well" Jenny mumbles from her covers.

"You're not backing out of chores" Alice warns her "You said you felt a lot better in the shower so don't try worm your way out of it".

"I'm not" Jenny sits up "I just don't feel well, it's not a crime, is it?".

Alice gives her a look and goes back to reading the magazine with Dana, who seems to want nothing to do with the conversation or argument they're having.

"Carmen" Shane motions me over. I go, frowning and sit between her legs.

"You know Spanish, right?" Shane asks quietly.

I nod "Yeah, for 7 years, I grew up in a Spanish orphanage" I wait "What?".

"Well, there's this Spanish test coming up and I was wondering if you could tutor me?" Shane blurted out. Oh, she seemed embarrassed. She's so cute when she's embarrassed.

"Sure" I beam.

Shane smiles back.

* * *

**Author's Note:**

**Hey, I'm getting loads of hits and alerts but where's my reviews, people!? Please review and let me know what you think...? Good, Bad??**

**x**


	4. Part 3

**Part III**

**-**

"I was 14" Jenny grinned, munching into her salad.

"12" Alice shouts happily. She and Dana are on her bed, sharing pizza and chips.

"I haven't decided yet" Dana adds shyly.

What about you, Shane?" Jenny smirks.

I glance at Shane. I'm still sitting between her legs, eating chips as she fiddles with the pizza on her plate.

"What?" Shane frowns.

"When did you know you were a dyke?" Jenny smirks again.

"Probably when I was born" Shane smirks back "I remember this one mid-wife..." I hit her playfully and grin back.

"What about you, Carmen?" Alice asks.

"When I hit puberty" I reply "I was 11".

"You're still going through puberty, Carmen" Jenny states "You don't end until like you're 20 or something".

"So?" I shrug "The worst is over, I know that...".

"Okay, who was your first sexual experience with?" Alice grins.

"Oh, last year" I grin back "I was 16; me and Terri Jeffries fell madly in lust, more to the point, she had this high-school jock boyfriend, I flirted and we fucked... End of story".

"What about you, Jenny?" I smirk.

"Uh..." she looked up "Shane and then my English teacher, it was 7 months ago but she got transferred, and she was 2 years older than me".

"I can't remember my first" Shane frowned "But, I know it involved two blonde girls, a bottle of whiskey and a train ride to New York".

"I'm saving myself for marriage" Dana smiles up at us.

"That's so sweet" Alice beams at her "Same... I'm still a virgin".

"Sure" I hear Shane scoff.

"Dinner's almost over" Dana announces "Another 10 minutes and then it's detention".

"Yes we know, Dana" Jenny sighed back, getting up "You already told us... 5pm is dinner, 6pm is detention and then 7pm-9.30pm is chores... Thank-you" she pulls a face.

I hold my hand out to Shane who takes it and I pull her up.

"So, what happens in detention?" I ask.

"We pretend to write lines" Shane replies "Jenny puts on make-up and Alice flirts with the teacher so she'll let us out sooner".

"What about Dana?" I frown. I've not been here long but I already know that Dana and Alice are like an un-spoken couple.

"She's never in detention" Shane smiles back. She leads me out after the others.

"Detention" I force a smile "Great".

**-**

Detention _is _really boring. Shane and I sat at the back of the class, Dana and Alice down at the front and Jenny in the middle. She had pushed two tables together to fit all her make-up in around her.

Shane mumbled something about wanting to fall asleep and I just nodded. Thoughts swam around in my head. The teacher we had was short with black hair. She was sat behind her desk, intently reading a book.

I heard Shane sigh and slump forward. I started to wonder how many girls she had actually slept with... Okay, so it was already pretty obvious that I was attracted to her but attraction doesn't mean love, right? And she probably thought I was just some spoilt foster kid who couldn't take care of myself...

And, I couldn't get attached. Nothing was forever in the world of foster-care. Next week, I may be moved somewhere else... So I decided right there and then that I wouldn't let myself grow attached to anyone, not Jenny, Alice, Dana and certainly not Shane. I'd tutor her, like I said I would and I'll be the good girl with no more boozy nights and late mornings. I decided to stay in line so they wouldn't have an excuse for throwing me out.

Kit always said that if she hadn't had gotten pregnant, I'd still be with her. The first 7 years of my life, I grew up in a Spanish orphanage. I made friends that I've already forgotten their names but being half Spanish, half Mexican, my social worker thought it was best to raise me in familiar surroundings.

Then I turned 8 and was uprooted from my normal life to a different foster-home. It was different. No more Spanish lessons, no more Spanish food, no more Spanish language. I lived there until I was 12 when finally someone said they would foster me.

Karen Smith. Loving mum to a dozen foster-kids and when I moved in, things just went down-hill. I got into fights at school, kept myself from friends because I knew it would be too painful when I was moved again. I should have seen it coming but my social worker visited me one afternoon and came to the conclusion that I was being neglected.

I guess you can predict what happened next. I was put back into a different foster-home for several months. Then one day, on my 13th birthday, I met a woman called Kit. She was visiting a friend at the foster-home and we got to talking. Two weeks later, I got asked if I wanted to be fostered by Kit.

I jumped at the chance to be away from foster care and I gave my best shot at a normal life. Honest. She had just bought a cafe, she called it The Planet and it became my favourite hang-out place to be. I made friends at High School and just after the Terri Jeffries incident, I met Bette. Bette.

She became my best friend. Confidant. I told her everything. Then one day, when we were walking home from a rave, and we looked over to see a little boy standing in the middle of the road. It was corner and nobody would see him if they sped round...

The only thing I can remember is Bette's scream as she pushed the little boy out of the car's way. I watched with horror, in slow motion, as my best friend, sister, was knocked onto the bonnet of the car, rolling all the way up the wind-shield.

I screamed as her body hit the ground with a thud. Then, the ambulance screeched into sight and that was the last I ever saw of her. I was devastated and decided never to let anyone else in. I changed that day. I lost myself when I lost Bette.

Then Kit fell pregnant from a one-night stand and everything became too much. For both of us.

The Planet's pay had fallen and I made the decision to leave. Kit was keeping the baby and the only way she could afford to keep running The Planet and raise the baby was if one extra burden was taken off her hands. We argued a couple times but I made her see sense.

She made me promise to answer the phone she bought me for my 16th birthday whenever it called. She also made me promise to go to her whenever and wherever I needed. She told me home would always be with her. I went back into foster-care for a couple months until my new social worker placed me here.

St. Rosemary's Boarding School. Well, you know the rest. I was dangerously falling into danger zone just being near anybody. I know Bette wouldn't have wanted me to shun myself from the world, but what else could I do? I had nothing. Literally.

I would lose my social worker when I turn 18 and I'll have to find work. I'll be lucky if I even graduate. I have no family and I don't even know where my brothers and sisters are... Gods knows if they're still together or even alive.

I had already decided my plan a couple years ago: Phase through teenage years, get decent grades, graduate, go to college, live at college, major in some sort of wealthy subject and get a proper job. Next step would be to buy or rent a flat. Any flat. Just somewhere I could call my own.

I wonder what Shane's dreams were like when she was little. Mine was that my life was just a nightmare and I would wake up and my family's all together. We live together. Like a proper family; my dad didn't die, my mom didn't die and I had brothers and sisters I knew would always be there for me.

But, every time I woke, I was always reminded that none of it was real. Living with Kit was the only time in my life I had ever felt wanted and it made me feel special. Loved.

I'm not this mushy but all I want is to be normal. Live normally. I'm feeling sorry for myself and I know I should stop. Right now, before I burst into song and tears.

"Carmen" Shane yawns quietly.

"Yeah?" I snap out of my thoughts and glance down at her. She has her head in her arms, looking extremely exhausted.

"Where'd you go?" she asked softly.

I frown. "What?".

"I watched you" Shane states, sitting up "You had this blank look for like 5 minutes straight".

"Sorry" I shake my head "I was just thinking..." should I spill my guts and let her in or— "...When this stupid detention ends and how we'll get pay-back on Causley". Oh good save, Carmen.

Shane raises one eye-brow at me and I know she's not buying it. Whatever. But, she nods understandingly and lays her head back down.

Another hour passes in silence and the female teacher finally acknowledges that we're alive. "You may go" she says hoarsely.

We jump up, happy and yet tired. Dana is the first out and already has the list in her hand. I watch her eyes scan over the sheet and I know by the look on her face, she's suddenly not happy anymore.

"What?" Alice bends in to read.

"This is totally do-able" Dana announces "We each take two chores and we're done".

"What's the first two?" Jenny asks.

"Washing the dishes and collecting the laundry" Dana replies.

"Mine!" Jenny shrieks happily.

"Alice, you take scrubbing kitchen floor and re-painting girls bathroom" Dana adds. Looks like she's making all the decisions here this time.

"Carmen" Dana looks up "You can take picking up litter and typing up letters".

I just nod. Sounds easy enough.

"Shane" a smile cracks her face "You can organise Miss Causley's filing cabinet and desk storage".

Shane mockingly grins and high-fives Alice.

"What's the last two?" Alice asks.

Dana looks back up "Drying the dishes and cleaning the dining tables".

"Meet back here at 9.30pm?" Jenny looks at her watch.

"Break" I mutter sarcastically and walk off.

**-**

I walk around the school ground, carrying a big black carrier bag. This sucks. Who knew the school had this much crap? This another 15 minutes of scanning outside and then I can go to Miss Causley's office and type up her stupid letters.

I glance at my watch: 8.06pm.

Can you believe I've been wandering around the school for an hour and 6 minutes? I've gone from nomad, to desperate to just plain right sad.

I tie the second big bag full to trash and pull them with struggle to the big bin around the corner. They fit in easily and I run my way back into the school.

Shane's already in Miss Causley's office when I get there. She grins at me and I smile back.

"Causley left the letters for you to type up there" she points to an empty chair which hasn't been taken over with files and papers.

"Great" I get them and then pull the type-writer out of the last drawer. "Almost finished?".

"Nearly" Shane nods "I alphabetised the absent notes, late slips, appointments, new placements, news-letters, diary info, council info, personal notes and..." she sucks in a breath "Referrals".

"Wow" I gasp "I'm impressed".

Shane smiles back and I quickly get started on these letters so I can wash my hands sooner. I still feel that last banana peel on the stair-way on my skin.

**-**

It's 9.02pm when me and Shane finish. I finished typing up 17 notes, 12 appointments and several official letters. Shane was nearly done with putting away the files so I help her while we make small talk and laugh about Jenny's predictable attitude towards dirty laundry.

I hear Shane groan in pain as we close the door to Causley's office. It's weird how she wasn't with us, I thought she'd loved to have criticise the things we did.

"Wanna go check on Alice?" Shane asked me.

"Sure" I nod.

We walk into the kitchen and find Jenny washing the dishes, Dana drying the dishes and Alice intently scrubbing the floor. She looks up and smiles "You guys done already?".

"Yeah" Shane sits up on the work-top "You've got paint on your neck, Al...".

"Don't get me started" Alice groans "The girl's bathroom is now officially re-painted, very professionally I might add...".

"You done with yours, Dana?" I ask, smiling.

Dana nods "Yep, I already wiped all 52 dining tables" she doesn't sound happy and who can blame her?

"What about me!?" Jenny nearly cries "I had to go round to every dorm room and ask for dirty laundry! Me! Asking for dirty laundry, so shameful...".

I glance at Shane and we smile knowingly.

Shane looks at my watch and grins "Oh tick tock girls, 9.23pm! You've only got 7 minutes left!".

"Very funny, Shane" Alice growls, scrubbing the floor with such force that the brush she's using breaks.

"Great" Alice stands and brushes herself down "Well, if it's not good enough, screw her" she tosses the broken brush in the bin and puts the bowl with hot soapy water she was using in the sink.

Jenny glares and goes over it once, giving it to Dana quickly.

"Washing dishes doesn't agree with you, does it, Jenny?" I ask, smirking.

Jenny takes off the rubber gloves and purses her lips. "We done yet?".

"Done" Dana nods, tired.

We turn off the kitchen lights and pad slowly our way to our room. It's only 9.42pm but we've had a serious hang-over, been up since 7, made to stand in freezing conditions, subjected to an hour of nothingness and then made to do the chores that the non-existent cleaning staff were supposed to but Causley's too cheap to hire them.

And, to top it off, today wasn't even my first day of school here. Tomorrow; new classes, new teachers and new reasons to hate this place. I collapse on my bed with a heavy sigh and close my eyes.

Bette's voice is the last thing I hear as I leave the nightmare that is my life. Oh no. I'm reliving that night. The one where she died. No, it's me who's jumped to save the kid. Shit. No. Bette's screams are the last thing I hear as my body slams into the car. I hit the ground with a sickening thud and jerk awake, gasping with sweat as I scream and sit up.

Shane is sat up, staring at me with confusion as I pant and cry to myself, making myself realise that it was just another nightmare. But it's too late.

She knows my secret.

* * *

**Hey, I've got several characters in my mind and I'm gonnah choose one to die, so any ideas? Is murder out of the question?...**

**Reviews are love x**


	5. Part 4

**Part IV**

**-**

"Aren't we gonnah talk about last night?" I feel Shane's voice against my throat.

"No" I pull away and bump into Jenny.

"Carmen" she throws me a look and I roll my eyes.

"Sorry, your Highness" I mutter back.

We're standing outside a class, waiting for our teacher to arrive.

"You're still tutoring me for Spanish, right?" I hear Shane ask behind me. She sounds a bit pissed off but I really don't care anymore. I'm so confused. One minute, we're drinking buddies, next minute we're fighting, then we're friends again and now... We're... I've lost track. Maybe we were never friends. Maybe we never would be.

"Sure, I'll meet you lunch" I don't turn.

"In you go" a voice interrupts. Seconds later, heels on the ground are heard and my head snaps up to see a woman in her late thirties, walking towards us with a smile on her face.

I follow Jenny into the class and her and her swanky friends go off to a corner in the back. Me, Shane, Alice and Dana go to the back and take seats. The rest of the class file in and the teacher sits at her desk.

"My name is Miss Torry and I'll be substituting for Mrs Clarkson, she's took her maternity leave" the teacher says, looking around the classroom.

"Now, remember where you sit" Miss Torry adds "They'll be your assigned seats for the next 7 months".

I suddenly regret taking a seat right next to Shane. 7 months for 7 days a week there's no place to avoid her. Great. She's looking at me and I glance at her quickly.

Shane grins that signature sexy smirk and I feel myself freeze. Oh no, if I fall for her and she breaks my heart, I'm going to scream. I turn away and refuse to let myself be pulled in.

A dark haired girl in front of me turns and smiles. She's tanned, like me and obviously a Latina too and I feel a wave of familiarity wash over me. "Hi" she grins "I'm Eva, but you can call me Papi".

"Carmen" I lift my eyebrows up.

"I haven't seen you around here, Carmen" her voice rolls off her tongue "Are you new?" her fingers trace circles over my vandalised desk.

"What gave me away?" I smirk.

"Because I don't remember sleeping with you" Papi replies, giving me a wink. "Just imagine...".

"Keep imagining" I reply quickly. Shane's eyes have been on me the whole time and I can practically feel the anger radiating from her.

"Usted me recuerda de alguien usé saben..." Papi began "Diga mí, Carmen de tranvía, usted es alegre?".

My head snaps up as her Spanish words sink into my mind. Who the hell is she?

"Y por qué querría usted saber esto? Quiénes demonios son usted de todos modos?" I snap back "Haga usted se opone, su ego bloquea mi educación de la cual muero sólo para ponerme al corriente" I fake a smile.

I see a look pass through Shane's face that I've never seen before... Jealously?

"Sure sure Carmen" Papi tells me, she winks at me again and spins back around.

"What the fuck was that?" Shane asks me, keeping her voice low as Miss Torry is reciting class rules.

"Nothing" I shake my head "Forget it".

I hear Alice and Dana muttering whispers and I sigh. Maybe I'm just paranoid but did I just hear my name?

"Okay, for this week's assignment" Miss Torry announces, standing up "I'll be pairing you up together for two weeks... Your assignment will be to summarise what are the important things in life...".

"Sex" Papi laughs loudly.

"Thank you Miss...?" Miss Torry rolls her eyes.

"Torres" Papi smirks "Eva Torres".

"Right Miss Torres" Miss Torry steps forwards "When you want to talk, you raise your hand and when you talk, please refrain yourself from mentioning anything offensive".

Papi snorts.

"The person you are sitting next to will be your partner" Miss Torry adds.

Shit. I glance at Shane, whose eyes are planted firmly on her desk. I can't see them clearly because of her bangs but she doesn't look happy.

It's a torturing 37 minutes until the bell went and we could leave. Alice told me how a normal school day is at this place: 10am is 1st period, 10.45am is break which is 15 minutes, 11am is 2nd period, 12pm is 3rd period, 1pm is lunch, 2pm is the final class and we finish at 3pm. It's actually a lot easier than at my other schools.

I spring up and out the door, wanting to get as far away from Shane as possible.

"Yo, girl!" a voice cries to me and I turn and see Papi sprinting up to me.

"What?" I frown. My gaze goes over the room and Shane, Alice, Dana and even Jenny are standing, watching me.

"You wanna go talk outside?" Papi asks me, bringing my gaze back to her.

"Not really" I fold my arms.

Papi smirks "You really take offense easily, huh?".

"Not really" I repeat.

"I wanna ask you a favour" Papi announces.

"Go on" my eyes follow hers to Miss Causley's office door.

"I broke into Miss Causley's office the other day to get my phone back" Papi explains, her voice low "And, I naturally got curious and started rummaging through her drawers...".

I roll my eyes and let her continue.

"She's got files" Papi continues "Detailed files".

"So?" I shrug "It's a boarding school, what do you think?".

"No" Papi shakes her head "In her bottom drawer, there are several detailed files, on you, me and a couple other girls".

I frown "What kind of detailed files?".

"Blood-type, height, weight, foster-history" Papi looks at me "There's a couple other girls in the year above us in the files".

"You didn't read my file, did you?" I wince.

Papi looks away.

"What?" I cry "That's my personal file and you can't just—" I growl and storm towards the stairs, and shit, Shane and her friends.

"Carmen!" Papi grabs my wrist and backs me into a chair "This is serious, I mean it, something is not right with her...".

"What?" I gasp.

"Don't you wanna know why Causley's got detailed files on you?" Papi continues "Everybody in this school has a file but our files are kept in a locked bottom drawer with several others, only way more detailed, I'm talking favourite things, dislikes, first loves, foster-homes, back-ground details on the foster-carers... Does that sound normal to you?".

"I don't know..." I search her for a joke or laugh. But it doesn't come. She looks deadly serious.

"I'm gonnah raid her office again tonight" Papi grins "You in?".

"No" I shake my head "You want me to get kicked out from the first place I've had in ages? No way".

"Fine, I'll do it myself" Papi folded her arms "I'm not gonnah beg you Carmen, I'll let you know what I find if you want...".

I paused. Why would Causley have files on all of us? Detailed files? Maybe Papi was winding me up, maybe she was being serious...

The bell went and I jumped a little. Papi gave me one final look.

"I didn't read your file" Papi tells me before she walked back to the class-room. I paused for a minute and followed after her. I see Shane, Alice and Dana go into the class-room again.

"What did Papi want?" Alice asks me, frowning.

I force a smile "Nothing" my eyes glance to Shane and I know she doesn't believe me. Well tough... Should I go after Papi and tell her I wanna know everything that's in that file about me...

Do I even wanna know _everything_ about my parents and family that I didn't have a chance to know growing up?

**-**

It's already lunch and I wander around like a person who's lost their memory. Forgotten who they were, used to be, used to love... That's what happens when you get shipped from foster-home to foster-home... You begin to forget. Forget who you are.

Forget that underneath, you used to be that little girl, with all those hopes and dreams. And regrets.

"Carmen" I hear Shane's voice and I automatically walk over to the table where Shane, Alice and Dana are sitting.

"Hey" I smile.

"Spanish, remember?" Shane pulls out her book.

"Right!" god, I had totally forgot. I glance over and catch Papi staring at me. She's sitting with her friends, this look shadowed across her face.

"I'll be back in a minute, Shane" I don't look at her and walk straight over to Papi. She looks up. Her friends give me this look but I look at Papi questioningly and silently she gets up and we walk a few feet away.

"Okay" I tell her "I want that file".

"Meet me outside her office at 1.30am" Papi says finally "And wear black. Lots and lots of black".

"What are we, Papi's Angels?" I deadpan.

"Not yet" Papi winks at me and walks back to her table. This better not be a joke or I _will_ kill her.

"What was that about?" Alice asks as I sit back down next to Shane.

"Nothing" I shrug, turning to Shane "Right, Spanish".

**-**

It's 1.24am and I get up quietly from my bed. The lights are out and I hear Alice snoring softly. Lovely. I'm wearing black jeans and a black tank-top. Hopefully no-one will see me.

I slip into my converses and tip-toe my way to the dorm-door. I'm too stupid to notice Shane staring at me. I guess I'll have to work on my escaping skills.

The door opens and I run out, praying to god that I don't get caught.

**-**

Papi's already down there when I reach Causley's office. She gives me a short smile and reveals a pick-lock key. She twigs it into the door and it latches open. We slip inside and she closes the door behind her.

"Freaky" I mutter, turning on the lights.

"That drawer" Papi leans down to a drawer in the cabinet and fiddles with the lock on that as well. It slides open and Papi reaches inside. She pulls out a bulky file and hands it to me. I walk back to the chair and sit down, staring at it.

Papi remains on the floor, opening a file to read it. I think it's hers. I'm too shocked to realise what's going on. I open the file and stare. There's so many pepers crammed into a file folder.

I squint to read the files in the dark and catch a few words. Papi was right. This file is too detailed, too personal not to be something. It's too much of a coincidence not to mean something. Something I don't understand.

Shit. Footsteps are heard and the door swings open. Crap.

**-**

"Are you sure nobody's there?" I whispered to Papi. She appeared from the door-way and shrugged.

"Door opened by itself" Papi shrugged.

"What about the footsteps?" I frown.

Papi shrugged again "Maybe you projected".

I shook my head, still holding my file "That door did not open by itself".

"Calm down, Nancy Drew" Papi flashes me a smirk. She's walking towards me now and successfully traps me between her body and the chair that I'm sitting on.

"Papi" I try to shove her away but she stays firm "I'm really not interested".

"I knew it" she laughs bitterly "It's about Shane, isn't it?".

"What?" I gasp "Me and Shane are just—".

"Just friends?" she cuts me off "Please, the only people Shane are friends with, is Alice and Dana..." she leans in "Shane screws girls, not commits herself to relationships or starts braiding friendship bracelets...".

"You wanna keep your tongue?" I growl, standing up. She taller than me but I don't care.

"Come on, Carmen" Papi grips my hips and pushes me into the wall "You wanna get back at Shane? I'm here for you...".

"Get back at Shane for what?" I frown "We're not together, we're just friends... Something I'm glad to say that you and I will never be...".

Papi smirks, leans in, her hot breath on my ear "...Well, if you ever change your mind... You know where I am..." she releases me and I grab my file and run out, tears close to my eyes.

God knows why there are tears in my eyes... Papi wasn't anything to cry over but her words about Shane hurt me, I guess. It's stupid, I know but... I guess a part of me wanted to get to know Shane.

I shut the door with a slam when I get to the door. Jenny jerked awake, and stumbled over to me, worry crossing her face.

"Carmen?" she yawned "What's—What's wrong?".

I sucked in a breath and I can't believe it but, I actually fell into Jenny's arms, crying. She winced and hugged me back, frowning. "Carmen... What happened?" she glanced at the file in my hand "What's that?".

Tears strolled down my face and I pulled back, shaking my head "Nothing... School stuff...I'm fine... Just, had a nightmare, that's all...".

She smiled at me softly and I had to refrain from slapping myself to make sure I wasn't dreaming or having a nightmare. Jenny was actually being nice. _Nice_.

Jenny stroked my tears away and laughed softly "You tell anybody I hugged you and I'll kill you".

"Cross my heart" I smiled back.

"Night" she whispered, before going back to her bed.

Again, as I walked towards my bed, I was too stupid to notice Shane, eyes half-open staring at me like she'd been stabbed. Maybe Papi was right. Shane was just a player. Like she was.

Maybe I'd never know now. I shoved the file under my mattress and closed my eyes, replaying the events of the day over and over in my head. It's no surprise that I didn't fall asleep until 5 hours later.

**-**

The moment I stepped out of that shower to the moment I walked down the stairs, I knew something was wrong. I had no idea what was going on until I stopped next to Jenny, Dana and Alice on the stairs.

"What's going on?" I frowned at the crowd of girls, looking at something with awe and a bit of jealously.

Alice gave me a sad look, Dana gave me an even sadder look and Jenny was glaring at the crowd. She gave me a soft pity smile and sighed, shaking her head.

I peered in and froze. Shane had some girl pressed against the wall. I winced as Shane started groping the girl and sucking on her neck and it got so intimate that I turned away and crossed my arms.

Jenny inched closer and my jaw straightened. Everything Jenny and Papi had said about Shane had been right. She was a player; sleeping with whoever she wanted.

Tears slipped into my eyes and I blinked them back.

"Carmen" Jenny whispered.

"What?" I smiled bitterly "I'm okay, nothing's wrong..." I paused "Tell the teacher I'm in my bed... Ill, yeah?" I stormed back upstairs without waiting for an answer.

**-**

God knows why I did it. Maybe I wanted to hurt Shane. Hurt myself for falling for her. I found out Papi's dorm from one of the girls and I just ran there, knocking impatiently.

I didn't even know if she'd be in but when she answered the door, looking like she'd just woken up, I made my mind up there and then. Screw Shane. I didn't need her. I didn't need anyone.

I stormed in and glanced at her room-mates.

"Carmen?" Papi frowned. She looked at her friends and shrugged "Wanna give us a minute?".

They gave me frowns but went anyway and I lunged for Papi the moment she had closed the door.

"Carmen" she smiled, pulling me off of her "What—".

I pulled away and started stripping "Come on Papi... You know you wanna take me..." I unbuttoned my jeans "So just do it...".

Papi seemed different. Like she was thinking. Like a war was going on inside of her, trying to decide what to do. I didn't give her a chance to decide no and I grabbed her, clawing at her clothes.

She kissed me like it burned. I'll admit, for a moment, I felt like I was just kissing Papi because I felt something for her but then... Shane's kissing-incident popped into my head and I felt angry.

I was only doing this because she had hurt me. Papi probably knew that and I let her take me. Let her. Let her take my body and kiss me and make me moan until it hurt my throat. I knew I would regret this but right now, I couldn't care less.

* * *

**Hey, thanks for the feed-back, great reviews!! I totally don't know where I'm going with the file-thing but I needed something to get Carmen and Papi together...**

**Don't worry, Sharmen forever!**

**Reviews are inspiration x**

**

* * *

****Translations:**

**Papi:**

_"Usted me recuerda de alguien usé saben... Diga mí, Carmen de tranvía, usted es alegre?" - _

_"You remind me of someone I used to know... Tell me, Carmen, you are gay?"._

**Carmen:**

_"Y por qué querría usted saber esto? Quiénes demonios son usted de todos modos?... Haga usted se opone, su ego bloquea mi educación de la cual muero sólo para ponerme al corriente" -_

_"Why do you want to you? Who the hell do you think you are?... You're getting in the way of my education... Which I'm only dying to catch up on"._

**-**

**A/N: I went onto a Spanish Translator and got the words I wanted but then I googled it back from Spanish to English to make sure but it came up sort of different, so can anyone suggest a reliable Translator?**

**x**


	6. Part 5

**Part V**

**-**

I sit up and dress with a slight hesitation and reserve. I feel her eyes on me but I refuse to turn, putting on my jeans, white bra and black shoulder-length shirt. I slip on my converses and ruffle my curly messed-up hair.

"Going for the '_just-fucked_' look?" Papi grins at me, wrapping the bed-sheets around her naked body.

I smirk and turn "Like it?".

"Love it" she nods. The smile fades and she pauses "I know why you did this".

"No, Papi" I shake my head "You don't... Believe me" I sit on her bed "I'm not looking for a full-blown relationship".

She laughs "Carmen, me neither! Doesn't mean that... We still can't fuck".

"No, it doesn't" I smile down at her and force myself to stand. If I look at her any longer than I'm gonnah start feeling guilty for using her to make me feel better about Shane.

"See you later?" she asks me.

"Sure" I nod and walk for the door.

"Carmen" she calls after me.

I turn and find her sitting up "I'm not gonnah add you to my '_dyke list_'... Okay?".

"Okay" I smile and walk out the door. I lean against it and wince. That shouldn't have happened. I sunk to Shane's level to make myself feel better.

Now I was just angry. Pissed. Me and Shane were nothing but I felt like screaming at her for kissing that other girl. Groping her right in front of me.

"Carmen?".

Oh Shit. I open my eyes "Jenny?".

Jenny was standing in front of me, frowning "What..." she glanced at the door "What are you doing standing outside Papi's door?".

I stay silent.

"Carmen" she shakes her head "You didn't do anything, right?".

I wince.

"Carmen!" she sounds angry.

"What?" I cry back.

She grabs my arm and pulls me down the stairs "What are you playing at? Shane's an ass, we get that... But she's Shane... And Papi's nearly as worse as Shane is... She's a player, a heart-breaker... You don't need that...".

"Jenny" I stop her "What is going on with _you_? One minute you're a stuck-up bitch, the next you're giving me advice and hugs... I don't get you" I fold my arms.

She looks down, quiet "Listen, I know what it's like to have your heart broken".

"You fell for Shane too?" I frown.

"God no!" Jenny shakes her head "It's just... Lately, I've had these feelings for someone who I shouldn't have feelings for and I changed... I know what it's like to get hurt by someone you love".

"Who is it?" okay so I'm dead nosey.

"Carmen" Jenny sighs "Just don't do anything stupid, yeah?".

"School's over, right?" I glance at my watch.

"Course" Jenny states like it's obvious. "Shane's been looking for you... She went back to the dorm after Alice said you weren't feeling well...".

"She went back for me?" I wince. She went looking for me? Can you say: '_aww_'...?

Jenny nodded, but something in her eyes kept her from saying something else.

"What?" I feel weird. What was she keeping from me?

"She slept with that girl, Carmen" Jenny whispered.

I just nod. It doesn't surprise me. Hurts like hell but doesn't surprise me. "When?".

"After you left" Jenny continued, looking down "She and the girl went to the toilets... Dana said some girls had walked in on them...".

Shane seems to have a thing for people walking in on her. "Right... Well, no harm done, yeah?".

"Carmen" she takes me hand.

"Don't '_Carmen_' me" I pull away "I'm not stupid Jenny... So I was attracted to Shane, it wasn't love, okay? Besides... I'm interested in Papi, not Shane".

Jenny sighs and looks down. At that moment, Shane, Alice and Dana round the corner. Something made Jenny turn red and turn away. Weird.

"Carmen" Shane smiles "I heard you weren't feeling well".

"I just..." I begin "Feel better now".

I saw Jenny take a short look at Alice and Dana, before turning away again "I gotta go" she rushed off down the stairs.

It takes me seconds to figure it out. "No!" I gasp.

"What?" Alice frowns.

"Nothing... Catch you later!" I run after Jenny and catch up to her, short of breath.

"Jenny" I grab her arm "... It's not..." I pause "Is it?".

She looks away.

"I knew it!" I shriek "You love Alice, don't you?".

Jenny goes red and shoves me to the side. "You don't have to put an ad in the paper!" she hisses "And no, I don't..." she pauses "Love her... I just...—".

"Having feelings?" I finish for her.

It takes a while but she nods her head "You say anything—".

"I won't" I cut her off "As long as you don't tell anybody about me and Papi".

"Fine" Jenny sighs. It's kind of ironic. Jenny and Alice seriously dislike each other; borderline hate. Maybe the saying's actually right: Opposites attract.

Me and Papi are not exactly opposite. We're both Latinas, we both speak Spanish and we're both gay... Me and Shane on the other hand... She can't speak Spanish, she dresses like nothing I've ever seen before...

I could go on and on. But I won't. I won't let myself obsess over her. It's not gonnah happen.

"Carmen?" Jenny frowns at me.

"Sorry" I jump out of my thoughts.

"Wanna grab something to eat?" Jenny smiles at me.

"What about your posse?" I smirk.

"We're not joined at the hip" Jenny states.

"Fine" I put my arm around her shoulder and we walk towards the dining hall. "Y'know, if you want Alice to get her to like you, you gotta stop acting like a bitch".

Jenny smiles at me sadly and we walk into the hall. I feel sorry for her. Alice and Dana are inseparable and if that were Shane and anybody else, it would kill me.

Oh god. No. Stop thinking about Shane, god dammit. "Does it get any easier?" I sigh.

Jenny shakes her head and sighs "Not to my recollection".

I can't help but smile at her. Maybe I would survive this place. Just maybe.

**-**

"Carmen".

Shane's voice makes me look up. I'm sitting with Jenny, eating lunch. Shane, Alice and Dana are standing before us. I see Jenny pretend to look interested in some book she had.

"Yeah?" I force a smile.

"I got all this information for our project" Shane sits down next to me. "We're supposed to fill out this quiz form about each other... Y'know, I ask you questions and vice versa".

"Cool" I nod. "What about the whole important issues in life?" I smile.

Shane shrugs.

"That comes later" Dana in-puts "This is like... Getting to know your partner sort of thing".

I nod again.

"You wanna do it the now?" Shane asks.

"Sure" I silently curse myself.

"That sounds like a great idea" Jenny stands up "I'm gonnah go do that with Jade" she rushes off.

"Weird" Alice sits down "That's the fourth time she's done that whenever we come near her...".

I muse a shrug and see Shane pull out two sheets of paper from her pocket. They've been typed up on computer, probably by Miss Torry... I start to worry what kind of questions will be on the paper...

"We can do ours, Alice" Dana says, pulling the same sheets from her school-bag. They turn away from me and Shane and off into our own little world. I feel a wave of pity for Jenny, whose looking at them like her heart has just been torn apart.

Without Alice or Dana to talk to, I feel a bit nervous around Shane. And guilty. Well, only a little...

I hear Shane ask Dana for two pens as she pushes one of the papers towards me. She gives me the pink pen as she takes the black one. Personally, I think it should be the other way around.

"Question 1" Shane begins "What is your favourite movie?".

I frown. What _is_ my favourite movie? "Mmm... I'd have to say Titanic".

Shane raises her eyebrows and notes it down.

"What?" I smile.

"Nothing" she shrugs.

"And yours?" I ask.

"The Omega Man" she replies.

I write it down and move on to the next question "Question 2, what is the one thing you hate about life?".

"Everything" Shane smiles. I write it down and she looks at me.

"The only certain thing in the world is that nothing is for certain" I reply quietly. I learned that the hard way.

"Question 3" Shane announces "What is your favourite poem?".

My face goes blank and I hold my breath. The painful memory flooded my mind without my consent.

_**-**_

_**Flash-Back**_

_I was stood outside on muddy grass. The ceremony had been long and tiring and the rain wouldn't give up. I watched with silent tears as they lowered her down into the hole in the ground._

_The priest said the usual and then members of the family stood up to say something. I was surprised when Bette's mother asked me if I wanted to say something._

_I managed a meek smile as I inched closer to her tombstone. I wanted to say something Bette would laugh at, but nothing witty came to mind. Then I remembered. Her favourite poem. She had said that if she ever died before me that she wanted her favourite poem engraved on her tombstone._

_I sucked in a breath as the tears rapidly fell:_

"_Do not stand at my grave and weep,_

_I am not here, I do not sleep,_

_I am in a thousand winds that blow,_

_I am the diamond glints of snow,_

_I am the sunlight in the ripen grain,_

_I am the gentle autumn's rain._

_Do not stand at my grave and cry,_

_I am not there. I did not die"._

_I felt bad when Bette's mom broke down into new tears as my own suddenly stopped. "Bette's favourite poem" I told the crying crowd. "She wanted it—" my voice broke and I looked up to Kit, who was crying with sadness._

"_I'm sorry" I told her grave "It should have been me" I turned and ran from her grave, sobbing hysterically._

_**End Of Flash-Back**_

**-**

"Carmen?" Shane frowns "Carmen?".

"Huh?" I jump out of my thoughts.

"Your favourite poem?" Shane was still frowning.

"_Do Not Stand At My Grave And Weep_" I reply; my voice raw and throat dry "By Mary Elizabeth Frye".

"Never heard of it before" Shane shrugs "How does it go?".

"Let's just do yours" I avoid her look and wait for her to answer.

"I don't... Really have a favourite poem" Shane shrugs again.

I write it down and move on "Question 4, favourite food?".

"Pizza" Shane breaks into a smile "You?".

"Pasta" I force a smile and swallow the lump in my throat. I look up and see Papi stride into the hall like she owns it. She smirks at me, like Shane does but funnily enough, I don't feel the same melting tingle that I do with Shane.

"Question 5" Shane brings my gaze back to her "If you had a million dollars, what would you do with it?".

"Buy me a house" I grin "And then give some to charity".

"I'd open up my own skate-boarding shop" Shane grins back "And have a practice course like right next to the shop".

"You have a secret passion huh, Shane?" I smile, tilting my head. Oh hell no. Stop this, Carmen! You're flirting.

"There's lots of things you don't know about me" Shane smirks back.

I look away. The anger I had felt earlier on was surfacing. I think I know her pretty well. Player. Heart-breaker... But then again, so was Papi.

Was I just getting myself into more bother with something and someone I knew nothing about.

"Carmen?" Shane shakes me "That's like the millionth time you've blanked out... You sure you're feeling better?".

Thank-you, Shane. You don't know what you've done but thank-you.

"Actually no" I shake my head "I feel a little sick... I think I'm gonnah go lie down...".

She nods "We could fill these out later on or—".

"Make it up" I interrupt her "It's just some stupid form, right?" I force a smile and stand up, my face falling with pain as I walk away from her. This is exactly what I shouldn't do. Fall for her. Spend time with her.

"Carmen" Papi follows me up the stairs.

"Yeah?" I reply, distracted.

"My dorm's free and..." she trails off, smirking.

"No" I shake my head.

"No?" Papi frowns.

"Look Papi..." I begin "You're a lovely girl but—".

"Don't give me the speech" Papi interrupts, folding her arms "I'm not stupid, you're totally into Shane and its fine... You know where I'll be when you want me..." she turns and walks back downstairs.

Huh. That went better than I thought. I make my way up to my dorm and sigh happily when I fall into my bed. I glance around. Nobody's here which means...

My hand snakes out and I pull out my file from under my mattress. I can now officially get a chance to read it. Without the looks or questions.

I flip through the pages and frown. None of these things add up to anything: That's not my birthday, my father wasn't a drug-dealer and as far as I know, my mother wasn't white.

My frown intensifies when I read that I'm supposedly an only child and that I've lived in an orphanage my whole life. Wrong. Something in me clicks and I look up, shaking my head.

That bitch.

**-**

"What is this!?" I slam my file down in front of Papi. I stormed back into the dining hall and found her sitting when her friends. Her whole table looks up as I glare at her.

"Carmen" Papi stands up "What are you talking about?".

"You knew" I advance on her "You knew that I would want to know about my family, you used that against me".

"Carmen" Papi struggles "I don't get—".

"Bull-shit!" I shriek "You met me that day and you didn't like it that I turned you down, so you lied and told me you broke into Causley's office to get your phone back but you never! That night, you forged a file and went down early to plant it. When I got there, you were standing outside, playing the innocent..." I laugh bitterly "All you had to do was wait until—".

"Whoa, back it up" Papi interrupts "Number one, I ain't got nothing to do with those files! Secondly, don't flatter yourself and third, if I wanted you that bad—".

"You wanted me because I was the first one who had the guts to tell you I didn't wanna sleep with you!" I glare at her. Shane, Alice, Dana and Jenny have come up beside me.

"Except you did, didn't you Carmen?" Papi smirks and leans into me "What was it earlier on? You came happily to my dorm and practically begged me to fuck you!".

I close my eyes and wince. Shane looks emotionless but her eyes say something else. Oh god. I feel like dying right now.

"Come on, Carmen" Jenny takes my arm and pulls me away from the hall.

"Going to fuck someone else, now!?" Papi shrieks after me "Don't worry, Jenny! She likes it rough!".

I turn in time to see Shane throw the first punch. Papi lands on her ass, her nose bleeding.

"Shane!" I cry, rushing back. Papi gets up and lunges for Shane but gets me instead. She pushes me into the wall and I gasp.

Shane tackles Papi to the ground and starts punching her. My back hurts like hell but I jump in and grab Shane by the waist. She's very light but nothing will stop her attack on Papi.

Papi rolls on top of her and starts her own attack. Oh god. Could this get any worse? Apparently so... With renewed anger, Shane rolled back over and started punching her again.

"Alice!" I cry, tears falling out.

Alice races forwards and screams at Shane to stop but Shane ignores her. A crowd have gathered around us and not even Papi's friends want to help her.

"Shane, stop!" I manage to push her away. Papi was lying there, half-conscious. She had a bloody nose, and several cuts all over her face.

"Papi" my voice breaks. I glance back at Shane, who has a cut eyebrow and lip. "Shane" I whisper "What were you trying to do, kill her?".

"I'll get Causley" one of Papi's friends announce.

"No!" Papi struggles to get up "No" she insists "I just need..." she nearly falls but I reach out and hold her up.

"I'll clean her up" I tell her friends and help her to the stairs. I so desperately wanna shout at Shane... And kiss her and take her right there on that stupid table—

"Carmen" Papi leans on my shoulder.

"What?" I manage. When she opens her mouth to answer, I shush her. We'll talk later. When she's not covered in blood. I think me and Shane need to talk as well.

* * *

**A/N:**

**I didn't wanna update like twice in one day but I was hit with this need to write more lol Anyway, let me know what you think...**

**Love & Hugs**

**x**

**Hit tha button**


	7. Part 6

**Part VI**

**-**

I got Papi to her dorm room and helped her into the bathroom. It seemed sort of inappropriate but I turned on the shower and stripped her clothes.

She didn't object. I washed the blood from her face and hair and watched with sorrow as she cried a little. When the blood was gone, she looked a lot better.

Only a cut lip, reddened nose, cut eyebrow and bruised cheek. I put her clothes into the washing-basket and fished around her drawers for some clean pyjamas.

When I walked back into the bathroom with a white tee-shirt and black shorts, she was sitting on the chair, dried and naked, only wearing her knickers.

I didn't know why I choose to ask her when she looked so vulnerable but I wanted answers. The truth. "Why'd you do it, Papi?" I asked her coldly.

Papi's eyes flickered up and a smile crossed her face "It's exactly like you said... No girl has ever rejected me, you can't imagine how many girls I've turned gay...".

"So you made me believe I could learn everything about my parents? My family?" I raised my voice a bit and winced when I realised how angry I'd just sounded.

Papi looked away and sighed "I'm sorry, Carmen... That night, I used the school computer and just printed random stuff... I didn't know what it said... I thought you'd never find out...".

"Well I'm glad I did" I folded my arms. Silence crossed the room and I realised she was still naked. I handed her the pyjamas and watched as she automatically pulled them on. She pulled her damp brushed hair into a bun.

"How are you feeling?" I asked, unsure. A part of me was still angry but another part me blamed myself. I got Papi beaten up.

"Fine" she yawned "Little tired".

She let me pull her up from the chair and push her into her bed. She let me tuck the covers around her body. I never imagined myself as a mother-figure but it was _my_ fault this had happened.

There was nobody to blame but me and I was fully accepting that it was all my fault.

I searched the bathroom and returned with a glass of water and some aspirin. She gulped it down gratefully. "That should help the pain" I offered with a weak smile.

"You're a good person, Carmen" she told me quietly "Shane's a lucky girl".

I knelt down beside her, shaking my head "I'm not with Shane".

"She's a lucky girl" Papi explained "Because whether you want to admit it or not, you've got feelings for her".

"I'm sorry that I used you, Papi" I whispered "And I'm sorry that this happened".

"My fault" Papi shook her head "I was just angry that you liked Shane more than me...".

"You and your big ego" I laugh quietly.

There was a silence until she smiled. "You forgive me then?".

I paused. Forgiveness had never been one of my strong points. In fact, a couple years ago, if someone had tried that on me, I'd have pounded them to the ground, and then I met Bette. And I learned to trust again.

I nodded slowly "Okay Eva... I forgive you".

She smiled again and closed her eyes.

"I'm gonnah let you get some sleep, yeah?" I whispered. I waited until she was fully asleep until I left her dorm. I headed straight for mine.

Whether she liked it or not, Shane and I needed to talk.

**-**

When I got back to the dorm, Shane wasn't there. Dana and Alice were in bed, talking and Jenny was faking sleep. I knew I should talk to her about it but right now, all I wanted was Shane.

"Where is she?" I asked the room.

Jenny stayed silent but Dana and Alice looked up.

"I don't know" Alice shrugged "She... After you took Papi away, she just stormed off upstairs, didn't even say a word".

My brain clicked. There's only one other place she could be. It was a long shot, but it was the only shot I had. I spun on my heels and raced out, trying to remember where we had gone before.

**-**

I wasn't surprised when I found her on the roof, downing a bottle of Russian Vodka. Real smart. Luckily, she wasn't that drunk. I felt like slapping her but instead, I slammed the door shut and her head cocked up, frowning.

"What the hell was that?" I demanded, walking over to her.

"Go away, Carmen" she muttered.

"I'm not leaving until we talk" I tell her calmly "Now you wanna explain why the fuck you nearly punched Papi's lights in?".

"She was acting like a spoilt bitch" Shane shrugged.

"So you hit her!?" I shriek. Okay, I didn't mean my voice to come out sounding like that...

"Oh please" Shane rolls her eyes "Your girlfriend's gonnah be fine...".

"She's not my girlfriend" I retort.

"Oh?" Shane frowned "Wouldn't that make you the local whore?".

"Real smart, Shane" I nod "Coming from the biggest player here! I'm not stupid; I know you fucked that girl".

"What girl?" Shane frowns.

How original! Even the player doesn't remember who she slept with earlier on...

"The one you played tonsil-tennis with this morning" I see her move towards me so I move back.

"Amber was..." Shane trails off "She was nothing".

"Who the hell are you to kick the crap out of my..." I now trail off. What was Papi to me? A friend? Lover? One-night stand?

"She was saying all those things about you" Shane tries lamely "And she had it coming, that bitch".

I look away. I'm torn again. I wanna hate Shane for that stupid girl and the fact that she's kind of a drunk, who kicks the crap out of other people but then... She's standing there, looking so venerable, and tiny. I hate how she makes me feel.

"Carmen?" Shane whispers.

"What?" I reply.

"I'm sorry about that girl" Shane breathes "I didn't—".

"It's okay, Shane" I cut her off "It doesn't matter, right? I mean, it's not like we're together or anything... Or that we feel anything for each other...".

Shane turns away and I hear her inhale sharply.

"Everything's sorted out then?" I ask, not really expecting an answer from her. She stays silent.

"Good" I nod "See you later, then" I turn and head for the door. I hear her turning around but I don't reply. I'm not doing this anymore. Shane and I are just friends.

That's what I told myself as I slammed the door shut behind me. I pretended to myself that I didn't hear her break down and cry the minute I was gone.

If I did do something about it, turned around and held her and told her everything would be okay, I wouldn't be able to pretend anymore. I would have to face up to the fact that I'm in love with Shane.

And facing up to my feelings is also, not one of my strong points.

**-**

I lay in that morning. It was Friday and apparently to Alice, Friday was an un-official holiday. I could hear Alice and Dana debating on what they should do that day. I also heard Jenny sigh, scoffing another box of chocolates. Okay, this has got to stop. Chocolates are only acceptable when someone has died, you have a period, you're pregnant or your partner of 14 years has dumped you.

I glance over to Shane, who has her ear-phones in, listening to some music from her iPod. I sigh and ponder on whether I should hop out, go over, and get shouted at. Maybe not.

My attention is drawn over to Jenny, who is now opening her second chocolate orange. Uh-huh. No way. I get up and walk over to her pink fluffy bed.

"Jenny" I sit down across from her and take the chocolate orange.

"Carmen" she whines, grabbing them back.

I put on my best strict-face and throw the chocolates on the floor. Dana, Alice and Shane look up.

"No" I tell Jenny "This has got to stop! You can't keep feeling sorry for yourself!".

"Yeah" Alice frowns "Why is that, anyway?".

"Period-pains" I lie.

Jenny throws me a look but I laugh and grab her by the hand. "No, we're not gonnah keep feeling sorry for our-selves, kay? If anyone should be eating chocolates, it's me! I just got out-ed as the local slapper! Now move!".

"Where are we going?" Jenny whines again.

"You missy..." I reply "Are going to shower, shower! Cause no offence, you don't exactly smell very good...".

She gives me a look and goes into the bathroom without another word. I smile my best told-you-so smile and plop back down on her very comfy bed. God, she's so lucky, this bed is so soft and comfy...

I look over and see a box of open chocolates... Maybe one wouldn't hurt—

"If I can't have them, neither can you!" Jenny's voice shrieks from the bathroom.

I pull my hand back and pout. Fine, whatever. I look over at Alice and Dana. They're kind of cute. Both sitting on the same bed, reading a magazine as Alice has her diary out, writing furiously. Dana doesn't even look once to see what she's writing.

I make a small glance at Shane, who's turned over on her side, her eyes closed, still listening to music. She looks so cute and peaceful when she's like that.

"So what you gonnah do today?" Alice asks us.

"Something where Jenny can't mope around" I reply, rolling my eyes "Y'know, go swimming by that lake, fish... I don't know...".

"Sounds cool" Alice sits up "Can we come?".

Dammit. I was trying to get Jenny _away_ from Alice and Dana, not keep shoving them together. "Oh, I don't know..." I shrug "Jenny really doesn't wanna be around people today...".

Alice looks taken back, then she nods. I know she doesn't believe me. Nobody seems to believe anything I say in this place. Jenny appears from the bathroom, a towel wrapped around her body and her hair dripping wet.

She gives me a glare and then a smile and goes to her drawers, rummaging around. She pulls out a short demin skirt, black ankle heeled-boots and a pink tank-top. I see her whip out her bra and pink pants and walk back into the bathroom.

I resentfully get up from Jenny's bed and walk over to my own bed, where I open my suitcase and find dark brown army pants and a long light-brown halter-top. I never thought I'd rock the army-look but turns out, I kinda do.

I wait in silence for another 20 minutes until Jenny emerges dressed and hair damp. She walks straight to her make-up bag and plugs in her hair-dryer and straightners.

I mutter something about being quick and take my clothes into the bathroom so I can shower. When I come out from the shower, I dry my body and dress quickly. I'm too tired to dry my hair so I just pull it into a high pony-tail.

"Nice" Jenny smiles when I reappear from the bathroom "Love the warrior-theme-thing".

I muse a smile and see her finish straightening her last bit of fringe. It amazes me how fast she can dry and straighten her hair. "You're not putting on any make-up?" she asks.

"This warrior doesn't need to give in to petty expectations" I tell her, flopping down on her comfy bed again.

"Huh" Jenny nods, turning off her straightners. I had to watch in boredom for the next half an hour as she applies a light foundation, mineral foundation, concealer, pink blusher, pink eye-liner, pink lip-gloss and pink mascara. Oh god. I'm in a horror pink version of a Barbie Dream House.

"You done?" I yawn.

"Almost" Jenny smiles as she squirts herself with some fancy—wait for it—_pink_ perfume. I like pink as much as the next person but seriously, it is possible to wear too much pink.

"What is that stuff?" I wince.

"La Paris" Jenny replies "It's French, my aunt sent it to me while she was on holiday there".

I nod "Great, can we go now?".

"Where are we going anyway?" she frowns as I pull on my black all-star converses.

I shrug "I haven't seen all of this place yet... You can give me the grand tour and we can... Go walking about in the woods or by the lake" I shrug "Or something...".

"Great" Alice chips in "Don't mind if me and Dana tag along? No? Great!" before I know it, she's getting dressed.

I give Jenny a sympathetic look and she glares at me, looking at the floor. Great, my plan to get Jenny away from Alice and Dana isn't going so well... God, can't some people take a hint.

"No!" I force a chuckle "You don't wanna leave Shane here... All by herself".

"Then she can come" Alice nods, buttoning up her jeans.

"What?" Shane sits up, taking out her ear-phones.

"We're all gonnah go wandering down by the lake" Alice tells her "And you're coming".

Fuck. This is just so fucking great! My plan to get Jenny and me away from potential love-interests is now getting to be a bit of a bother.

"Great!" I cry, pushing Jenny towards the dorm-door "Meet us down there when you're ready!".

I don't let anybody say another word as I push me and Jenny from the room. I hear her sigh as we walk down the stairs. "I really didn't expect her to...".

"It's fine" Jenny crosses her arms.

"Oh, can we make a pit-stop before we go outside?" I ask.

"Let me guess" Jenny rolls her eyes "Papi?".

"How did you know?" I frown.

"Just a guess" Jenny shrugs back.

"Do you mind?" I continue "I wanna see how she's feeling...".

Jenny nods and we take the path towards Papi's dorm. "We're both in the same situation" Jenny states after a moment of silent pondering.

"Huh?" I look up.

"Well" Jenny takes in a deep breath "Shane and Papi are both fighting over you... And if you kind of think about it, me and Dana are both fighting over Alice".

"Except you're not" I smile "And Shane and Papi are defiantly _not_ fighting over me".

"They should" Jenny gives me a look "You're a nice person, Carmen... Don't let this place change that" her words ring out in my head. Papi said something me being good. Now Jenny was talking about not changing.

Did they use to be like me? Before they came here? Is that why Jenny's a cold bitch and Papi's a heart-breaker? We reach Papi's door and I knock twice.

The door opens and one of Papi's friends are standing there. She doesn't look very happy to see me. Guess I should have seen it coming.

"Is Papi there?" I ask nervously.

The girl gives Jenny a glance and then opens the door, letting us in. Maybe Jenny's not just your average Barbie doll. She does actually scare people.

I see Papi, sitting up in bed. She looks tired but overall, on the road to recovery.

"Hey" I smile "How you feeling?".

"Hey" Papi grins "I'm good, you?".

"Yeah" I nod "Almost great... I just wanted to come check on you".

"Thanks" Papi looks down "You can tell Shane I'm not gonnah grass on her to Causley".

"Oh..." I'm a little shocked. I thought she'd have jumped at the chance to get back at Shane "Thanks... Shane will—".

"I'm not doing this for Shane" Papi interrupts me "I'm doing it because if I get another fight report on my record, then Causley's kicking me back to social services, and I'm not going back to that hell-hole".

"Okay" I step back "Thank-you... I appreciate it anyway" I pause "Get better" I see Jenny give her a short smile and we walk back to the door, where her friends are still glaring at me and Jenny.

"Well, that was cold" Jenny says the moment we're out of there.

"Yeah" I nod as we continue down the stairs "Can't blame them though... Shane was just..." I trail off and we walk towards the front entrance.

"Think there's _any_ way of just avoiding Alice and Dana?" Jenny sighs.

"And Shane..." I add sadly "But no, I don't think there's any way we can avoid them... We can just savour the moment of peace and silence—".

"Guys, wait up!" I get ironically cut off by Alice, who is walking towards us with a big smile on her face. Dana and Shane walk slowly behind, almost hesitantly. I know the feeling.

"Crap" I hear Jenny mutter as Alice comes nearer "I hate you" she growls at me, turning away to wince.

I give her an apologetic smile and then fake an even greater smile for Alice. "Wow, you... You lot dress fast, huh? I thought it would have taken at least another 15, 20 minutes..." I laugh nervously "I guess not, huh?".

"Coming then?" Alice grins, skipping out of the big castle doors.

I pause and give Jenny a firm look. She shakes her head but I ignore her and follow out after Alice. Jenny growls and then follows me, Shane and Dana following her.

Well, this is certainly going to be entertaining. Oh great. Just great.

* * *

**A/N:**

**Don't you just love sarcasm? Anyhoo, I've decided who I'm gonnah kill off... Mawh ha ha ha!! Reviews are love and this world just doesn't have enough love in it... My view personally...**

**Love & Hugs**

**x**


	8. Part 7

**Part VII**

**-**

Wanna know my latest revelation? I hate the way I get myself into these situations. Seriously. There has been many a time when I've stopped and screamed at myself for the way I live my life. All I do, is make things worse for me.

The moment I walked from out the entrance to the moment that Jenny cursed silently I knew this was going to be disaster. A big fucking pink-covered tragic-walking disaster.

I was right.

**-**

"Guys, wait up!" I get ironically cut off by Alice, who is walking towards us with a big smile on her face. Dana and Shane walk slowly behind, almost hesitantly. I know the feeling...

"Crap" I hear Jenny mutter as Alice comes nearer "I hate you" she growls at me, turning away to wince.

I give her an apologetic smile and then fake an even greater smile for Alice. "Wow, you... You lot dress fast, huh? I thought it would have taken at least another 15, 20 minutes..." I laugh nervously "I guess not, huh?".

"Coming then?" Alice grins, skipping out of the big castle doors.

I pause and give Jenny a firm look. She shakes her head but I ignore her and follow out after Alice. Jenny growls and then follows me, Shane and Dana following her.

"Feeling better, Jen?" Alice asks Jenny.

"No" Jenny replied coldly.

We find ourselves walking towards the lake automatically. Let's go to the lake then! Okay, just take a deep breath Carmen, and say it.

"Papi said she's not gonnah say anything to Causley" I blurt out to Shane.

She looks up, a little surprised and then nods "Saving her own ass probably" she goes quiet "So you saw her then... Today?".

Am I just projecting or did she sound hurt? I just nod. I glance over to Alice and Dana, whose hands are linked and walking so painfully close together. I see Jenny looking at them like someone's just told her that the world is about to end. And if Shane doesn't stop looking at me like that, then please, let it be real.

"Oh god, shot me now!" I hear Jenny mutter.

My head snaps up and when I think I'm gonnah see Alice and Dana kissing or something, I see Jenny's swanky friends trotting towards her.

We stop and wait for them to approach. It's like Hitler and Winston meeting for the first time, like Barbie meeting one of Ken's whores, like Super-girl meeting Cat-girl... Can I stress how important/angst/terrible this is?

Jenny stands with her arms folded, legs apart, looking like the queen bitch. And for once, I'm glad she's like that. I don't trust her friends, not one bit.

"Jenny" Jade purses her lips "How nice of you to hang out with these losers...".

Shane clenches her fists. Shit.

"Jade" Jenny smirks "Yeah, haven't you heard? It's National-Non-Bitch Day... Might wanna give it a try".

Jade laughs and rolls her eyes "Whatever _Jen_... Y'know, since all your years of loyalty, I'm gonnah give you one last chance... You can come back to me..." her fingers trail down Jenny's arm seductively.

Well, okay then. I guess Jenny still has some secrets that I knew nothing about...

"And I'll give you one last chance to back up off me or I'm gonnah make you scream" Jenny glared "And not in the good way..." she inched closer, making Jade step back.

"Fine, Jen" Jade smirked "You're out of the gang" she turned and walked off, her other friends following her.

"You okay?" I asked Jenny, stepping forwards.

"Yeah" she sighed deeply, nodding slowing "Actually, I am".

"Good" I glanced to Alice and Dana.

"Right" Jenny forced a smile "Lake?" she walked off.

I see Dana and Alice follow after her but Shane doesn't start walking. Neither do I. Wow, this is awkward.

"Guys?" I hear Alice cry.

"Coming!" I start walking, leaving Shane there. Remember when I said that me and Shane were only friends? Yep, scrap that... Just call us Tom and Jerry, hating each other but secret loving each other.

When we finally come to the lake, Jenny has taken off her ankle boots and started walking in the lake. It came just below her shins and there was something different about her... Maybe standing up to her friends helped her... In her own weird way...

I walk just by the water, thoughts swimming through my mind. If this gets worse, then I'm gonnah have to do the unthinkable... Ask Causley to get me transferred, although I probably don't know if I could go through with it anyway...

I glance up at Alice and Dana and stare. They're kissing. Full on, lip-tongues, groping. Dammit. Jenny's not seen them yet and if I can—Okay scratch that last part... She saw them, and I saw her eyes, the hurt and pain and I wondered if it was the same pain I had felt when Jenny told me about Shane and that other girl.

Then the pain was clouded with anger and Jenny shoved her boots back on. They all look up, frowning.

"This was a stupid idea" Jenny curses "You can't trust anyone, everyone fucks you over!" she turns and races away from the lake.

"Jenny!" I cry.

"Go away, Carmen!" I hear her shout.

Dana scoffs and smiles to Alice "I knew the nice-girl act was just a facade... Underneath all that make-up, she's just a hard cold spoilt bitch".

Anger boils in me. "Excuse me?" I spin around, already aware that my tone is accusing and condescending.

"What?" Dana shrugs.

"If can't recall earlier" I steps towards her and Alice "We never wanted you to come! I wanted Jenny to get away from you, if anything! And then, you invite Shane!" I point towards a dark-eyed Shane.

Alice and Dana looked shocked.

"Oh don't pull that with me" I scoff "I said that nobody else should come and then suddenly, you just invite yourself and then, you invite Shane! I mean, are you blind? Can you not tell that me and her have issues!? Or did you actually want me to suffer, huh!?".

"Carmen..." Alice begins softly.

"Save it" I storm off after Jenny. Okay, on second thought, that shouldn't have happened, totally shouldn't have happened... But it did and now... Do I regret it?

Hell no.

**-**

I caught up to Jenny and we went straight back to the dorm. She wasn't in the talking mood and neither was I. We lay in our beds for about 15 minutes until I heard something.

"Carmen?".

"Yeah?" I sit up.

"I just fucked everything up, didn't I?" Jenny whispered.

"Well, if it's any consolation..." I add "I've done exactly the same".

"Wanna have some fun?" she sits up as well and grins at me.

Whoa. Back-up, there was no way me and Jenny were gonnah—

"God, Carmen" Jenny rolls her eyes "Wipe that look off your face... You're not my type".

"Right" I smile "What do you wanna do?".

"Ever played the Ouija Board?" Jenny grins.

Yes, I have... 2 weeks after Bette died, I had done the Ouija Board myself to see if I could get anything from anyone. Suffice to say, nothing happened but I still broke the glass. I'm superstitious that way...

"No" I shake my head. If I say yes then I'll have to tell her about Bette and that's not happening.

"Well" Jenny gets off her bed to sit on the floor "I have..." she feels under her bed and pulls out a Board Game. A Ouija Board Game. Say no, Carmen... Lie back down and say no—.

"Cool" the word rolls off my tongue. Stupid, Carmen... So stupid. See? I hate the way I get myself into these kind of situations. Before I know it, Jenny is setting up the board and I have to sit down next to her on the floor.

"Who do you wanna make contact with?" Jenny asks.

Okay, let's see... My dead mom, my dead dad or my dead best friend? Huh... Just go with—

"Elvis" I force a smile.

Jenny gives me an amused smile and she gets up to turn off the light. Okay, total darkness now. Great. But then she lights a couple of candles and I see her glowing face distantly.

It's always the young ones to die first in horror movies... Great.

"Relax Carmen" Jenny grins and puts the small shot glass in the middle of the board. But her smile soon falls when the door opens and surprised feet stumble in.

"What the fuck?" Shane growls, stumbling over.

I reach out and grab her hand, pulling her down "We're doing the Ouija Board" I pull her. She doesn't let go of my hand and I don't want her too "You in, I take it?".

I feel Shane move forwards and rest her head on my shoulder. Oh god. Control yourself, Carmen!

I see Jenny turn to two more figures "You're in as-well?".

"Yeah" Alice replies, sitting down next to Jenny. Dana takes a place next to Alice. Isn't it weird how one minute you hate someone and then the next you like them?

We all reached out and put our index fingers on the glass. I went to take my hand out of Shane's but she gripped me harder and refused to let me go. I felt her lead my hand to her chest. Oh god, what the hell is happening—

She pressed my hand flat against her chest and it took me a while to realise what she was doing. She was letting me feel her heart-beat. Her heart skipped harder, faster, it was beating erratically and then, oh god, I just touched her soft skin, making her flinch.

"Is there anyone there?" Jenny's voice brought me crashing back to earth and I pulled away from Shane, but again, she grabbed my wrist and linked our fingers. I had a feeling she wasn't gonnah let go.

It was seconds and suddenly the glass started to move.

"Quit pushing it, Jenny" I snap, my voice raw.

"I'm not" Jenny shakes her head. "Can you make out what is says...".

Alice leaned in as the glass continued to move "...D...E...A...T...H".

"Please tell me you're joking" Dana's scared voice announces.

Alice goes quiet "Maybe it's just a fake or—".

The glass starts moving with a fiery passion, jumping all over the place and Shane only grips my hand harder as we move our bodies along with rapid movements of the glass.

"Smash it!" Alice screams.

"Why did we have to do it in here?" I mutter.

The glass jerks off the Board and smashes into the wall. Dana jumps up and rushes over to turn the lights on. I pull my hand from Shane's in time and everything seems normal. Well... Considering what's just happened.

"I swear that's never happened before" Jenny mumbles, shoving the Board back into the packet. She shoves it under her bed like we're safe now that it's gone. Sure.

I ignore Shane's gaze and get up, walking towards the glass. I pull the bin towards me and starts throwing the bigger bits of glass in the bin.

"Be careful" Shane tells me softly.

I just nod and continue. When it's finally gone, I use a thick napkins to pick up the smaller bits "I'll go it tomorrow with a vacuum" I tell the room, walking towards my bed.

We each go to our beds and fall silent. Did we believe it? Death was coming? Someone was going to die? Right now, no... I don't believe it, I think either Jenny or Shane was pushing the glass but I can't be sure. I'm just glad that Bette's name wasn't mentioned... How awkward would that be?

"Do you believe it?" Dana asks the room.

"Course not" Shane mumbles from her bed "It's just a fucking mix-up... Forget it".

I turn over and close my eyes. Shane's right. I'll forget it.

**-**

"Carmen... Carmen? Carmen!".

I jerk awake and look up to see Shane, sitting on my bed, her hair messy, wearing nothing but her girl-boxers and wife beater. She looks worried, and I freeze. Her soft hand is cupping my hot cheek.

"What?" I mumble, rubbing my eyes.

"You were having a nightmare again" Shane whispers back. I take in the surroundings. It's dark. Alice and Dana are in their own beds, asleep and I can't hear Jenny so she must be asleep as well. I glance to the clock and see that it's 2.03am.

Then it hit me. _Again_? How many times was I having nightmares that I knew nothing about. "What?" I repeat.

"Who's Bette?" Shane asks me, taking my hand with her free one.

If freeze. Dammit. She knows. I struggle to sit up, meaning that Shane and I are inches closer. I feel her hot breath on my neck and her arms wrap around me.

No, this shouldn't be happening... I inhale sharply and try to pull away... She keeps her arms wrapped around me and I can't stop anymore... I fall into her completely and she pulls me closer.

"Bette is..." I begin, whispering into her neck "Was... My best friend".

"Was?" Shane muffled voice replies.

"She died" I breathed out, clinging to her for life "We... She got knocked down... Saving someone's life..." I frown "How many nightmares do I have?".

Shane pulls back "Every night... You don't wake up, I wanted to wake you but...".

I just nod. Things haven't exactly been very good between us lately.

"Did you mean what you said today?" Shane asks quietly "About... Us, having issues?".

"I don't know" I admit "I guess I was just angry at Dana and Alice...".

I feel Shane pull me back into her. "I'm sorry about Bette". I can't help that little moan that escapes my mouth when she presses her soft lips into the base of my neck.

My eyes roll back as she continues her soft kisses down my neck and she grips my hips. Her lips hover over mine and I stare into her eyes. Those eyes that could tell a million stories...

"No Shane, stop..." I pull back "I'm not...".

"Okay" She whispers, planting a chaste kiss on my cheek. I feel sad when her body leaves mine and she goes back into her own bed.

Dammit. There's nowhere to escape her. Tears come through my eyes and I brush them harshly away. I slide back down and rest my head on my pillow.

My body craves her again, I need to smell her again... It's so intoxicating... I need her. Without knowing it, I get up and go over to her bed. She turns over and looks at me.

I stare down at her. God Shane, how the hell do you make me feel like _this_? She rolls over and I get in without hesitation. Tears are falling down my face and I have to squash into her so we can both fit this single bed.

She wraps her arms around me and pushes my head into her chest, sighing deeply. I bite my lip when I feel her fingers making circles and patterns over my arm.

I feel the covers slip over us and Shane link her legs through mine. Everything just comes naturally to me and her. She does the most terrible things that make me feel that my heart is getting ripped out and then... She goes and makes me feel like I could die with just one touch from her. This is killing me but it's all I want.

"Shane" my lips move against her chest and I feel her tense. She cups the base of my neck and lifts my head up. Her other arm hooks around my waist.

Her eyes seek mine and I take a deep breath before I continue.

"Papi... She's not..." I stumble out "She... I didn't... We—".

"I know, Carmen" Shane cuts me off "I know".

"You were right about her" I whisper "I'm sorry".

"Me too" Shane says, wiping my tears away.

God, I feel so grown up... It's unreal, I never thought I could feel like this, it's unbelievable. She presses a gentle kiss to my forehead and it takes everything in me not to spin her over, pin her down and make both of us scream.

"Night, Carmen" Shane whispers, closing her eyes. I sink my head back into her chest and shut my eyes. Maybe something good would come from living here. But then again, I'm afraid of my emotions, they scare me...

But most of all, _she_ scares me.

* * *

**A/N:**

**New part, woohoo!! It took me a while cause I had this fare thing to go to... It was soooo good, got this new good-luck charm, cause I totally need it... Anyhoo!!**

**Reviews are the icing on the top of the cake!! XD**

**Love & Hugs**

**x**


	9. Part 8

**A/N:**

**This is the part where I kill off a character so it's bound to be sad! And if you don't wanna know, then don't read!!**

**Oh and please don't hate me lol... It's _only_ fiction!**

**x**

* * *

**Part VIII**

**-**

**-**

I ran towards the castle, covered in blood. My breathing was becoming rapid and I began to stumble. All the events of the day played over and over in my mind. It wasn't happening. Couldn't be happening.

Oh no. Was following me? His voice boomed through-out my mind but he wasn't following. He had left, I told myself.

_5..._

Don't think, Carmen. Run!

_4..._

Shane'll be fine.

_3..._

Alice'll be fine.

_2..._

Jenny'll be fine.

_1..._

**Bang**.

"Dana!".

**-**

**-**

**12 HOURS EARLIER**

Wow. I hadn't slept that good in ages. All the Ouija Board trauma was forgotten as I opened my eyes and stared up at Jenny. Her hands were on her hips and her lips were pursed into a smile.

"See you scored last night" she smirked.

I glanced over at Shane, who was still asleep. Gently, I pried myself from her grip and stood next to Jenny. "What?" I whispered "I had a rough night... Nothing happened" I yawned.

"Is that you denying?" Jenny frowned "Or... was that you disappointed?".

I pull a face and walk into the bathroom. I don't hear the shower run on as I begin to brush my teeth, groaning at my rough skin. I hate my skin in the morning. It's a total mess. Not to mention my hair.

"Carmen!".

"Oh, I didn't see anything" I mutter annoyed, to Alice and Dana, who are in shower. Nice. I spit out my tooth-paste and rinse my mouth with water.

"Leaving" I tell them quietly. When I walk about out, Shane is standing there, like waiting in a line to get into the toilet. Cute.

"Morning" I yawn her.

She nods back tiredly. "Hey".

I hear her walk into the bathroom and smile at the protest cries of Dana and Alice.

"Feeling any better?" I ask Jenny, flopping down on her comfy bed.

"No" Jenny sighs "But I'm getting there... I'm gonnah be okay".

"Yes you are" I smile, walking over to my own bed. "Saturday! What do you do on a Saturday?".

Jenny shrugs "Saturday's usually the day I fuck Jade... Doesn't look like that's gonnah happen... But I need something... Do you know anybody who's up for no-strings-attached sex?".

"Papi" I grin back "Shane".

"Please" Jenny scoffs "I'd rather fuck someone who wasn't in love with someone else".

"Would you quit that already?" I growl tiredly "Shane is...".

The bathroom door opens and Shane reappears, yawning "Shane is what?" she asks.

"Shane is..." I laugh nervously "... A real kicker... Oh yeah, it was like fighting off mutant elves...".

"Uh-huh" Shane nods, lying back down her bed with a sigh "God, Carmen, shit is just rolling right from your mouth...".

Carmen! Could you think of something better? I fake a smile and glare at Jenny before rolling over to pretend to get some sleep. It doesn't work. Great.

"Come on, I'm bored" Jenny sighs. She looks to Shane "Shane, you've been around the block, right? Can you hook me up with some girl, please?".

Shane frowns "What?".

"She's desperate to get laid" I smile at Shane.

"Least _I'm_ getting some" Jenny mutters, giving me a look.

I snort and shake my head "Please... What did you think me and Papi did? Hug? Tell each other baby-stories?" I pout and laugh at her expression.

"Yes" Jenny flips her hair "But I'm used to sex twice a day... I'm having withdrawal symptoms...".

"Acting like a bitch?" I nod.

"Funny Carmen" Jenny purses her lips, turning back to Shane "So?".

"See..." Shane grabs a pen and writes something down on Jenny's arm.

Jenny frowns "Who's Amanda?".

"Basically a whore" Shane shrugs "She's real nice".

Okay... Ignore that, Carmen.

"How nice?" Jenny smirks.

Shane smiles back "Not that nice".

"Thank-you" Jenny goes back to her bed, reapplying her lip-gloss.

"You're going now!?" I mock-shock.

"Course I am" Jenny nods "If I hear more one kiss or something... From Tennis-Whore and Writer-Girl, I'm gonnah be sick".

I give her look and watch as she smoothes down her skirt, picks up a pink bag and leaves the dorm.

Me and Shane. And the silence. Thank you so much, Jenny!

"Do you ever get the feeling that Jenny is jealous of Dana and Alice?" Shane looks at me, frowning.

Shit. Tread easily, Carmen... Tread easily...

I shrug and smile "Who knows? I'm sure anybody would be jealous of what Dana and Alice have". Oh shit. Did that come out the way it sounded?

"Course" Shane copies my smile. I wanna touch her so badly.

"What about you, then?" I frown "What are you doing today?".

Shane shrugs "Sleep in... Though it's this money-raising-day... Every Saturday, the school hosts a game-day and people from Social Services and stuff come to check it out... Spend money...".

"We sound like a Charity-case" I sigh.

"We are" Shane nods.

"So? Wanna get dolled up? Steal a couple candy canes, piss Causley off?" I smirk. Oh god. Did that come out like a date? Don't let it be a date, don't let it be—

"Sure" Shane nods "Lemme get dressed".

I muse a smile and start rummaging through my cases to find something I know I look so fuckable in. God, I'm beginning to spend too much time with Jenny. Great.

**-**

**-**

This game-day wasn't as bad as Shane had made out. I had gone for a shower and dried and curled my hair. After 15 minutes of constant internal arguing, I finally choose a dark red summer dress. I would have gone with something lighter but summer pink isn't really my thing.

I shove on a pair of red flip-flops and keep my make-up to a light. My red summer dress stopped just below my knees and it had no back, making me shiver something when the wind blew in the right place. Shane, on the other hand, didn't seem to have a problem with it.

As usually, she looked so sexy in skinny jeans, converses, white wife-beater and demin jacket. Her hair was spiked up in all the right places.

"You guys off to the Saturday Game Day?" Dana asks me.

I nod "Beats just hanging around".

"Are you gonnah join us?" Shane asks us.

Alice and Dana exchange looks. Oh, I know that look... I glance at Shane and we smirk. I have a feeling they won't be leaving the dorm for a little while if you know what I mean...

Shane takes my hand and leads me towards the door, still smiling "Have fun" she adds.

"Breathe" I advise quickly.

We hear Dana and Alice burst into giggles as we leave. "That's so cute" I smile "They want they're first time to be special...".

Shane goes quiet, giving me that silent brooding look. I swear she sits at night and just practices it. Wonders what she can do next to drive me insane...

We walked into a busy crowd, music was going, some stalls were set up, and windows were open, actually letting in light for once... Before we can cross the room, we have to have our photo taken. Well, this was going to be awkward.

We stood next to each other silently as the camera clicked.

The girl behind the camera smiles and shakes her head "God, smile, will you!?..." she frowns "Why don't you step in front?" she points to me.

I automatically just move in front of Shane and feel her wrap her arms around my waist. She leans her head on my shoulder and I grin.

She sticks her tongue out and I turn to look at her, still smiling. The camera clicks and it takes seconds until the girl prints the small thick photo out and gives it to me.

I glance down at it. Wow, I'm so obvious. My head is turned, smiling at her. Her head is leant into my shoulder, sticking out her tongue cheekily. Her arms are wrapped around my waist and my hand is placed softly on hers.

Wow. We _are _so obvious.

"Good" that's all I can say to Shane. She sticks it in her back pocket as I've got none and we continue across the hall. We see Jenny appear from a closet, hair messed up, clothes sticking out. Yep. She's just been laid.

"Jenny?" I smile.

"Carmen" she gasps "Shane... Shane, Shane, Shane..." she grins happily "Amanda is..." her face trails off, and she tries to fix her clothes.

I see a red-head come from the closet that Jenny has just come out of. She takes Jenny's hand and pulls her off.

"Amanda must be really good at what she does" I mutter.

"Causley" Shane's nods her head to the left and we see Causley, leaning in closely to a man, dressed all in black, looking furious. He's wearing a big leather jacket and big clump army boots.

It's not hard to figure out that he's definitely not with Social Services. Wait... Causley looks scared. Terrified, even... I go to walk forwards but Shane pulls me back.

"Carmen, what are you doing?" Shane growls into my ear "That's her dealer... Do you wanna get this place shut down?".

"Her what?" I look shocked. I am shocked. Even though I shouldn't be...

"Cal" Shane explains "He's the ass of the hole... The pig in the city... You shouldn't go near him...".

"Then why is he here?" I spin around.

Shane shrugs "Maybe she got desperate...".

"How long has she been on drugs?" I ask quietly.

"She was like that when I got here" Shane shrugs again.

"And how long have you been here?" I blurt out.

"4 years" Shane stares me in the eye "Happy?".

"Shane, I didn't even mean to pry..." I reply.

"Forget it" Shane looks away "Doesn't matter".

"No it does matter" I take her hands "Okay? I'm sorry I crossed a line or whatever... Can we just go back to enjoying today?" I search her eyes.

"Okay" she nodded slowly.

"Yeah, well I need it now" the man dressed in black hissed to Causley.

I look in their direction and Shane follows my gaze. Causley gestured to her office and they went in rather hotly, slamming the door behind them.

I pause "Should we... Go see if she's okay?".

"No" Shane shakes her head.

"No?" I frown.

"No" Shane repeats "Causley's fine... She does this all the time... C'mon, I wanna show you my good aim".

"Good aim?" I smirk. Shane leads me over to a stall with Coconuts pinned up against the wall. We waited in line for about 3 and a half minutes and Shane gets the bean-bag to hit the coconut down with.

We sort of did this kind of stuff at my old Spanish Orphanage but it was slightly different. All we won back then was Spanish books. Great, huh?

Shane throws the bean-bag once and it hits the coconut, making it smash to the floor. "Wow" I grin "I take it back, you have good aim...". The stall-girl gives Shane one of the teddy-bears on the shelve but she immediately gives it to me.

"Shane?" I frown "You won" I push it into her. We walk down the hall and she smiles, shaking her head "No Carmen... Shane McCutcheon doesn't have teddy-bears".

I shrugged "So, what?" I grin "She's so cute... Look..." I put it up to my face and make it wiggle a bit "Come on Shane" I put on my baby voice "My name is Shay and I like giving hugs...".

"That is fucked up..." Shane laughs pushing the bear away.

"Fine" I pout "She'll just have to stay mine... And you can't keep her" I grin at her, laughing. She laughs back. Well, my oh-my-god-it's-gonnah-a-terrible-awkward-date-thing worry was turning out to be totally wrong. And I was so glad.

That was, until Cal, the drug-dealer came storming out of Causley's office carrying a gun. Everything went by in slow-motion as he raised it up and shot once at the ceiling.

"Alright, listen up!" he cried angrily "Causley doesn't have enough money to pay me so I want everything every little one of you stupid girls have!".

Nobody moves. My heart beats faster. Harder. Until I think it might burst. Oh god. Just at that tragic moment, Dana and Alice come skipping down the stairs, laughing happily.

They stop when they realise how eerily silent it is. Then they see the gun. Alice gasps. Dana grabs Alice. Everything is back in slow-motion again.

"You, brunette!" Cal points to Dana "Move! Get down here!".

Dana's face turns cold, not scared. Wow. She steps down with bravely as I'm standing here, shaking uncontrollably. Alice protests and freezes, but Dana keeps on walking until she reaches him.

He grabs her by her arm and points the gun to her head. "If I don't get my 14,000 in one hour, I'll kill her!" he spun around to Causley's office "Do you hear me, Causley!? I'll kill her!".

Tears are strolling down Alice's cheeks and I don't know what made me do it. Call me stupid. "So, Cal, you got a plan or are you just gonnah shot everybody here?".

"Excuse me?" Cal locks eyes on mine.

I gave the bear to a shocked Shane and stepped forwards, folding my arms. God Carmen! Why must you always get yourself into these situations!?

"I said, do you have a plan or not?" I repeated, annoyed.

"You wanna keep that pretty little face of yours, keep your mouth shut" Cal growls.

I grit my teeth "Seriously, though... What's the plan? What if nobody can get you your money..? The cops show up and you wait for 14 hours until you finally realise you're not getting your money and then you'll be tried and sent back to jail for... Well, those boots for a start" I smirk despite the gun "And the threat and attempted murder, of course...".

Cal looks up, thinking. Wow, he's actually thinking about what I said. Weird... "Fine" he smirks now "Actually, you're clever... You come too...".

"Don't I feel special..." I smile and walk towards him.

He beckons towards the door and shoves Dana into me. I grab her hand and mutter something reassuring. Cal points the gun at us.

"Outside" he barks.

I give Shane one last look before me and Dana walk down the steps. Cal follows us, ordering us to cross the field towards the woods. I don't like this.

Not one bit.

"What's your smart plan now?" I frown "Drag us into the woods in the hopes that we find the magical door-way to Narnia?".

"Your funny" Cal nods, turning dark "How funny would you be dead?".

"Are you mocking me?" I frown "_You're _mocking _me_?".

"What's that supposed to mean?" Cal growls.

Dana looks scared. I am too but there's no way this stupid psychotic is gonnah make me cry in front of him. He's not worth it.

"What do you think it means!?" I cry back, angry "You're standing there with a freaking gun and no plan, wake up!".

"Woods!" Cal barks.

Me and Dana jump, but we continue the way we went yesterday towards the lake. Funnily enough, we stop at the lake. Okay, maybe not so funny...

Cal checks his watch "She has half an hour" he mumbles to himself "The money doesn't come... I'm shooting one of you!".

"30 minutes" I frown, glancing down "Can I sit?".

Cal doesn't reply.

I pull Dana down and we sit right next to the lake. "Don't worry" I whisper "This guy's not gonnah do anything... When he realises that 14,000 is a higher value than his life, he'll just run".

Dana tries to smile but it doesn't come. I don't blame her. I smile again and tell her that nothing's gonnah change. That we'll both get out of this alive.

One of us, sadly, don't.

**-**

**-**

Half an hour passes fairly quickly, considering there's a crazy dealer holding a gun to us... The cops haven't shown yet... Where the fuck are they?

"That's it!" Cal announces, agitated "Stand up, now!". We both stand nervously, eyeing the gun.

"Put it down, Cal" I tell him "You're gonnah throw your life away over 14,000!? Put it down".

"She's right!" Dana in-puts, a little nervous "Just by pulling that one trigger, you throw your life away, throw away any rights over whatever money you want... Don't do this".

Cal shakes his head "Nobody crosses me, nobody!".

Oh no. Slow-motion again. He raises the gun, clicks it into place. My heart races and I grip hands with Dana. He's yelling, shouting, near tears... No-one can reason with him now, he's too gone... Out of it—

_5..._

Don't think, Carmen. Run!

_4..._

Shane'll be fine.

_3..._

Alice'll be fine.

_2..._

Jenny'll be fine.

_1..._

**Bang**.

"Dana!".

I don't see Cal drop the gun in shock and flea from the woods. I glance down. Dana's not holding my hand anymore.

**-**

**-**

"Dana!?" I shake her, tears flowing out, sobbing "Oh god... No, Dana! Dana!" my hands touch her wound and suddenly I'm covered in her blood.

Dana is laying right next to the lake, her eyes half-closed.

"Dana?" I choke out, cupping her face "Dana!".

"I'm here" Dana wheezes out, scared.

"I'll go get help!" I cry "I'll go get help!".

"No, don't leave me!" Dana grips my wrist. Her face softens in pain "Please... Don't leave me...".

"But..." I shake my head "You have to get to hospital... They can help you-".

"I think we both know that I'm beyond help..." Dana laughs sadly, tears falling out.

"No" I shake my head "Alice needs you, Shane needs you... I'm sorry, about snapping at you yesterday... Please don't go".

Dana sighs sadly and then winces. "I... was good, right?".

"You were brilliant" I whisper back, stroking her hair. "You were so... I couldn't have done it without you...".

"Tell Alice..." Dana breathes out "Tell her... I love her" she gasps painfully, clutching her stomach.

I shake my head in protest "No" I look down and look up, freezing when I see her "Dana!".

Her eyes are frozen open wide and I choke out more sobs, crying over her dead body.

"Dana..." I lay my head on her chest, sobbing hysterically "No, please..." I know CPR and before I even know what's happening, I'm giving her CPR, tilting her head out to give her mouth to mouth. Nothing.

"Dammit!" I scream "No!".

"Come on" I press down on the chest, again and again and again... "Oh Dana..." I whisper out, crying.

Dana just stays there; dead and lifeless. Then I realise.

Dana's not there anymore.

**-**

**-**

I ran towards the castle, covered in blood. My breathing was becoming rapid and I began to stumble. All the events of the day played over and over in my mind. It wasn't happening. Couldn't be happening.

I stumbled over myself, crying more uncontrollably. "Dana" I gasped "Oh Dana". I run towards the castle and slam the doors open. Nobody's around.

Everybody's been moved into the big hall. Seconds later, Shane appears; Jenny, Alice and Causley beside her. I scream and fall to the floor, shaking, crying.

Shane cradles me, asking me what happened. How can I tell them?

Tell them that Dana is no more, tell Alice that the girl she loves is dead, and tell Jenny that the girl she envied is no longer here... Tell them that I let it happen, didn't even try to stop it.

Couldn't... Right?

Could I have saved her? Could I have thrown myself in front of the bullet, and Dana would still be here...

"Carmen" Shanes firmly grabs me "What _happened?_ Where's Dana?".

"Where is she!?" Alice shrieked, tears falling from her eyes.

"She's dead" I breathe out "She's dead" Shane pulls me into her again as I hear Alice scream and begin to break into tears.

I wish it was me. I wish it was me who had took the bullet. Dana would still be here and my heart wouldn't be breaking all over again.

It's all my fault.

Dana is gone. And there's nothing I can do about it.

* * *

**A/N:**

**You hate me right? Lol... I'm a very emotionally person and I hope that the Dana-scene came off real...**

**Reviews are love, so let me know what you think!**

**Love & Hugs**

**x**


	10. Part 9

**Part IX**

**-**

**-**

3 days have passed since Dana died. They went by quickly but I hardly noticed. Alice, on the other hand... She was heart-broken. Traumatised. I regret telling her where Dana was because 2 seconds later, she raced towards the lake like it would matter. Like she could do something to help Dana.

I screamed like hell and ran after her, afraid it would make her worse if she saw Dana, lying there with a bullet in her stomach and blood everywhere. Shane followed me but stopped dead when we came to Dana.

Alice was screaming at Dana, telling her she couldn't leave her, she couldn't be without her... I broke down in tears again. Dana's lips had paled blue and she looked deathly white.

Jenny had wrapped her arms around Alice and pulled her back. 10 minutes later, paramedics and a police car pulled up. Alice watched with resentment as they strapped her to a stretcher and covered her pale face.

The police took statements from all 4 of us and Causley. I wouldn't show it, but I was mad at her. Nobody at phoned the police and she had let Dana let die.

So did I.

I blamed myself mostly. Alice would probably never want to talk to me again and I didn't blame her. They haven't caught Cal yet. He escaped with his ex-cell mate and went on the run.

I'm secretly glad he's gone. I hate to imagine Alice would do to him if she was left alone in a room with him. She would kill him. Worse. Torture him and then kill him.

Causley took us into her office when the police and paramedics went away. She made a speech to which I can hardly remember now but it involved something about how sorry she was. Bullshit.

She wasn't sorry. She was just happy it wasn't her on the receiving end of that gun. Ass-hole.

Then she told us she would bury Dana by the lake and implant a tombstone in honour. Alice mumbled something about planting some flowers and Causley just nodded.

45 minutes later, she let us go back to our dorm. Alice went straight to her bed and Jenny sat up on her bed and just stared at ceiling. Shane hovered between the two.

I, on the other hand, was covered in blood. I said nothing as I walked into the bathroom and stripped automatically. The water was scolding hot but I didn't realise. Tears fell down my cheeks as I washed the blood from my hands and hair. I didn't even notice Shane strip and step in until she had wrapped her arms around me.

This had become a regular thing. Shower together, secretly look and pretend that we don't realise, don't know. This time, everything seemed so real. So final.

I turned and fell into her arms and she hugged me so tight I thought I might bruise. Normally, when I think about Shane's naked body, I'm dreaming or just day-dreaming and you'd think a wet and naked Shane pressed against me might be my dream come true. It wasn't. It only made it more real that once again, I watched someone I loved and cared about die. Right in front of me.

And both times, I could have done something... But I didn't... I hated myself. Shane's soft lips on my jaw brought me crashing down to earth and suddenly I didn't care anymore.

Didn't care that I shouldn't get close to anyone, or love anyone. I did love Shane and it was pointless in ignoring it.

So I let her continue to kiss my jaw and neck and I moaned when she pushed me up against the bathroom wall. I stared into her teary-eyes and wiped them away. My hand drew down to her mouth and she kissed me there. Her hot tongue still burned there.

My insides were flipping over and over as she brought her hand down my stomach. Alarm bells started going off in my head.

"Shane, wait" I croaked out, grabbing her hand before she could go any lower.

Her eyes questioned me. I swallowed.

I shook my head, tears falling out. "We're just sad..." I whispered out "And I think... That taking advantage of each other is... Wrong".

Shane looked down, wincing as the tears fell out. I realised. She didn't want sex, she wanted comfort. Her best friend had died... Dana was gone.

I took her in a hug and wept myself as she did. We clung to each other and I soothed her back when she started choking out strangled sobs. Her heart was broken and this time, there was no glue to stick it back together.

"Shane" I kissed her shoulder. The water scolded us but I knew she didn't care. I pulled us down to the bathtub floor and she curled up in me, still crying. I stroked her hair and cried with her, every once in a while muttering softly about how it would be okay.

We stayed there until the water was cut off, even after. Just curled up in each other's warmth. 2 hours later, Shane silently dried herself and slipped on a pair of clean shorts she had brought.

I stared at my blood-stained dress. Dana's blood. I'll never wear that dress again. I picked it up and shoved it into the bin with force. Shane left and I sighed, pinning my hair up into a bun. When I thought I was going to have to go out there naked, Shane reappeared, carrying my girl-boxers and a black tank-top.

I smiled sadly at her and slipped them on, sighing when I felt her hand in mine. She leaned into my body, and rested her head against my neck.

When we walked back in there, Jenny had lighted some candles and opened the windows. Alice was fast asleep, curled up in Dana's bed, wearing one of Dana's red sweaters.

Shane disappeared for 5 minutes and then reappeared, carrying the remainder of the Russian Vodka bottles. She planted them under her bed and looked around.

I guess she must have thought that Alice should drink her sorrows... Jenny was lying on her bed, staring at the ceiling, looking like a zombie... Even though she and Dana never got on very well, I knew she didn't want anything bad to happen to her.

I also flopped down on my bed and lay my eyes shut. Before I knew it, it was the second day since... School had been cancelled until further notice. Alice had still been sleeping; Jenny had gotten herself dolled up and went to visit Amanda for a high.

Shane and I just lay on our beds, staring at each other silently. She beckoned me over and I went without a sound. I sat on her bed and waited.

She pulled out a Russian Vodka bottle. I gulped it down happily, wincing at the taste. Before I knew it, we were all awake, sitting on Jenny's bed, drinking the Russian Vodka.

"Dana was a good person" Jenny said quietly "Always gave everyone a chance".

"She was" Alice muttered back "She was perfect".

"To Dana" Shane raised her bottle.

"To Dana" we chorused together, clinking.

"She told me..." I begin, sighing. Alice looked up, waiting.

"She told me to tell you..." I look to Alice "She said... Tell Alice I love her".

Alice closed her eyes in pain and Jenny reached out to comfort her. Tears strolled down Alice's cheeks but she ignored them and gulped the bottle of vodka down faster.

"She didn't want to be left alone" I whispered "She didn't want me to leave her... She saved my life—" my voice broke "I told her she was brilliant".

Shane took my hand and stroked it softly.

"I'm gonnah start a flower-garden" Alice murmured from her bottle "I'm gonnah call it The Dana-Garden".

"I think she'd like that" Jenny offered sadly.

That's how we spent the evening. Just drinking silently together. We were drunk but certainly not happy. Alice finished the rest of the vodka bottle and staggered back to Dana's bed. She flopped down and fell asleep.

Jenny was tipsy, dried tears still visible. She mumbled something incoherent and lay down. Shane; surprisingly wasn't very drunk. She collected the empty vodka bottles and stashed them back under her bed.

I was somewhere in-between tipsy and drunk. All I can remember is a pounding head-ache and falling into my bed. When I woke in the morning, everyone else was still asleep.

Day 3 since...

I winced and groaned, clutching my head. That's some we spent Day 3 without Dana. In and out of the bathroom for pain-killers, throwing up and chucking water on our faces.

We spent the entire day in bed, feeling like shit. A couple of girls that Jenny seemed to know were told by Causley to hand us up some food.

Jenny ate it happily, Shane nibbled, I ate and then threw up and Alice pushed the plate away and turned back over, falling into sleep.

Day 4... The morning of Dana's funeral.

**-**

**-**

I stood next to Shane and Jenny and watched as the small box of Dana's ashes were buried into the ground where Dana had been shot. Dana only had her grandmother left and she had chosen for Dana to be cremated. With some persuasion from Causley, she agreed to let Dana be buried where she had died.

Causley had got someone in to plant the tombstone early. She was really going all out. A small white picket fence went around tombstone and bit of ground where Dana was to be buried.

Alice stood alone, tears falling from her eyes. I think she might never get over this. Maybe we all wouldn't.

The whole school had come up to honour Dana. I thought it was nice but I knew that Alice would just want to be left alone. All she wanted was Dana back.

I watch with Shane as the janitor patted down the muddy ground that covered the box of ashes. Causley passed him a large collection of flowers wrapped together and he placed it down on the patch that he had dug up.

As the janitor stepped out of the small picket-fence to join Causley, I found myself reading the tombstone over and over again. It was black all over with gold shiny letters that said:

_R.I.P_

_Dana Fairbanks_

_1973 – 1990_

_Loving Daughter, Granddaughter and Friend_

_May Angels Lead You In_

It was really nice. Sad, but nice... If Causley wasn't doing this all out of guilt... The small picket fence, the shiny tombstone, the beautiful flowers. We all knew she felt guilty as hell that Dana had died. And she was guilty. I blamed her.

After the priest had prayed with us and sent Dana to _heaven..._ Or wherever we went after death, he asked Alice if she would like to say a few words.

I expected her to say no but she stepped forwards and pulled a eulogy note from her jean pocket. Her trembling fingers opened it up, as tears fell from her eyes, she took a deep breath and read.

"I knew Dana for 7 years. She was my best friend from the very first moment I got here. I remember the first night here... I was scared and crying and she appeared, telling me everything would be okay. And it was... After her parents had left, we grew closer—" she sucked in a breath "I loved her... She was my soul-mate... And I know that Dana wouldn't want sadness in her death... Only laughter, her passion for everything in life and tennis was what kept her going... Even after death".

Jenny stepped beside her and wrapped an arm around Alice's shoulder. Everyone who was holding a candle lit it slowly and lowered their head in prayer.

Soon after the sun was going down, everyone was moving out but me, Shane, Alice and Jenny stayed. Causley never said anything but it wouldn't have mattered if she did.

Dana's grandmother gave Alice a brown plastic bag, hugged her and walked away, tears in her eyes. We stayed until dark and waited until all the candles had run out.

Alice had planted herself right next to Dana's grave, the silent tears pouring out. It was midnight until I stood, and walked towards Alice, shaking her softly.

"Alice... Sweetie, c'mon, it's late..." I whispered. Shane came up beside me and we helped Alice up, steadying her. She shook with coldness and sighed.

Jenny wrapped an arm around her waist and they walked away from Dana's grave. Me and Shane walked a few feet behind them, hand in hand.

"Jenny's in love with her" Shane stated, whispering "Isn't she?".

I paused. And then nodded "She didn't want anyone to find out...".

"Do you think we need to talk to her?" Shane asked, leaning into me.

I wrapped my arm around her to pull her in closer and shook my head "No" I whispered "I think she knows just how important Dana meant to Alice... I don't think she'll hurt her anymore than she already is...".

"Wonder what's in the brown bag..." Shane muttered.

"I'm sure we'll find out" I replied softly.

We walked back towards the castle and entered to the warm atmosphere. Alice went straight up to bed while Jenny went to someone else's bed... I'm sure you know who...

I passed Causley on the way up. She looked she had crying. Too bloody right. Then the police followed her down the steps and I twigged. She was crying about the fact that she was getting pulled up for doing drugs.

I never normally say about somebody, but I really want her to go down. And take that slimy-murdering-ass-drug-dealing-mother-fucker down with her.

**-**

**-**

We got back to the dorm and Alice again, went straight to Dana's bed. Me and Shane sat across from her on her own bed and waited.

She was quiet until she opened the plastic bag and pulled out a framed photo of her and Dana; a couple years younger than they were now. She cried some more as she put the frame by her bedside cabinet. Dana's Grandmother had given Alice some of Dana's clothes, drawings, letters and a diary she had kept as a little girl.

I thought it was sweet of her. I watched with sorrow as Alice read through Dana's letters, every once in a while saying what was written. A couple of times, Dana had written to her Grandmother about Alice, saying how much she loved her.

Alice cried even more at that. We moved over to hug her as she finished the last letter:

"_I'm thinking of asking Alice out... I'm scared but I think she likes me, when we play at tennis, I always let her win and she knows... I think she knows that I love her... And for once, I don't care... Take care of Louie... Love Dana x"._

Alice put the letters away and sighed sadly. "I'm gonnah go to bed" she whispered, pulling on Dana's sweater. She curled up in Dana's bed. Shane and I walked over to our beds and flopped down.

"Today was hard" I smiled sadly at her. I don't think I'll be smiling happily for a long time... I don't think any of us will. Jenny returned a couple hours later, tired-looking with rumpled clothes. She was using sex as a way to make her feel better and if it worked for me, Shane and me would be doing it. A lot.

But, unfortunately me and Shane were going nowhere. We were close friends. Very close. And with Dana dying, it didn't seem right to tell her how I feel. Or if I even wanted to tell her how I feel. Alice was getting over something tragic and she would need all of us to do that... It didn't seemed fair to start something when Alice needed all of our attention.

So I smiled to Shane and told Jenny to get some sleep. And when no-one was awake, I dragged the Ouija Board from Jenny's bed and walked up to the roof. I looked out of Dana's grave and sighed sadly, tears falling out.

I shoved the Ouija Board into a metal bin and lit a match, watching as the cardboard burned up, turning to ash. I felt a sense of freedom, weird as it may sound.

When the flame had gone out, I tipped the ashes from the top of the roof and watched with a sad smile as they joined the wind in its battle with the air.

"Goodbye Dana" I whispered to the wind.

I turned my back on the pain and sadness and smiled real for once as I walked towards the door. Everything would be alright. I knew that. Everything would be alright.

* * *

**A/N:**

**From personal e****xperience I know that grief goes on for months and months, sometimes years but... I wanna do another couple of parts totally depressed and then lift onto something lighter...**

**Reviews are my inspiration x**

**Oh and Friday 13th is coming up soon and nobody believes me but I swear, it's very real! Statistics showed that more bad luck happens through-out the world on Friday 13th than any other day...**

**So, please watch out for anything that you could fall into... Or could fall on you... Just look out lol**

**x**


	11. Part 10

**Part X**

**-**

**-**

Ever lost someone important to you? That really mattered, like you thought that just that one person alone could change the world? I did.

We all did. We all die. Evolution. For our species to move on, we have to die. Death. It's the big question isn't? Right next to: how the hell was the world created and what are we doing here?

Is there a god? Does the supernatural exist? Are we gonnah evolve like those X-Men people..? Where do we go after we die? Alice asked me those questions a million times and every single time, I had no answer.

But, she still wanted answers. So did I. So did Shane. Jenny just wanted some peace. Alice came to me a week after Dana's funeral, convinced there was only one thing she could do.

I, on the other hand, was not convinced. Her plan was stupid, dangerous, and a bit of a health-hazard. But, knowing Shane, she backed her up. Jenny just went along with it for Alice and I was just going along with it because I owed her. I owed Dana. I let her die and I don't think I'll ever forgive myself.

School still wasn't back on so they decided it was perfect to leave tonight. Causley was still away, probably sharing a jail-cell with some enormous rapper called Tiny, no doubt... And Mrs. Watters had taken over from her Deputy Head position. She was nice. Fair. But personally I think the power is going to her head...

I naturally told them that the plan was irresponsible, stupid, irrational and that when we got caught, our asses were gonnah fry over a kitchen hob.

But no...

Nobody ever listens to me.

**-**

**-**

"This plan is stupid, irresponsible, irrational and when we get caught, our asses are gonnah fry over the school kitchen hob" I told them blankly.

Alice, Shane and Jenny looked up at me. Okay, maybe I was being a bitch. It had only been 10 days since Dana's death and I was already getting used to the depressed Shane, angry Alice and quiet Jenny.

In that time, Dana's social worker had visited us, let Alice keep Dana's personal belongings and written up a report. For a whole week, Alice stayed in Dana's bed, hardly ate and cried when she thought we were asleep. I told Shane I had burnt Jenny's Ouija Board and she smiled sadly.

I should have done it with her but I knew she needed her sleep. That had been the only time that Shane had gotten some proper rest after Dana's death. Things changed after Dana.

When we walked into the dining hall, there was a murmur but no lively happy chatter we were used to hearing. The teachers barely smiled anymore and P.E out on the field was changed to a damp gym hall they hadn't used for years.

I hated it. I hated Causley and I hated Cal. I guess that's why the only smile that came to my face was when Mrs. Watters told us that Cal had been found with his ex-cell mate in Spain. Dead.

Someone had taken a gun to his head and blown his brains out. I cried with Alice as soon as she found out. I think it gave her a sense of freedom. The ass-hole who had taken Dana's life was gone.

Rumour was that Causley had been charged with prostitution, drug-dealing, taking drugs and armed robbery. I was a bit shocked. She always came off as a nice woman.

Alice didn't care much, can't say any of us did, but it made her feel better that the people in blame of Dana's death were getting what they deserved.

About 2 days ago, she came to me and Shane, saying she had a dream of Dana. They were on the Titanic, enjoying a meal when Dana told Alice to go back to Gypsy Town.

I frowned.

Alice explained. A couple years back, the school had taken them all away for the weekend, to Gypsy Town. It was this little town half an hour from here, with amusement parks, Fortune-Tellers, Sooth-Seekers, Tarot-Readers, Witch-Craft Shops, she loved it, so did Dana...

I could see where this was going. I sighed as I listened to Shane come up with a way to sneak out and be back for morning. Once again, I warned them against this plan. But, Alice needed closure and since Dana wasn't around to give her it, she would have to go to Dana.

They knew I would be game to whatever they came up with, even Jenny seemed excited. It was good, to see at least one of us happy and smiling about something. It felt like years since I had ever really felt happy about something.

"Come on, Carmen" Jenny begged.

I pause. "Okay, what does this plan consist of?".

Shane smiled "Breaking into Causley's office, stealing her keys, busting out of here, stealing her car, driving half an hour south to Gypsy Town and then be back by 6am... Simple".

I wince "Simple? Simple? You call that simple?".

"I'm going with or without you all" Alice stood, folding her arms "Dana wants me to go and I'm gonnah...".

Shane and Jenny look at me.

I sigh. "Okay" I nod simply "Okay, when do we..?".

"Midnight" Shane replied quickly "Me and you can break into Causley's office, get her keys, Jenny and Alice can get the front door open and figure out which one her car is".

"Cool" I nod "Papi's got these pick-locking-keys... I ask her if we can borrow them—".

"No" Alice cut me off before Shane could "Nobody else knows... We stuff our beds with pillows and lock our dorm door".

"I made this tape" Jenny slots a CD into her pink radio "I've been working on it for hours..." she hit the play button and suddenly, our voices are heard.

Jenny's singing, me and Shane are having a debate about who is better; Bat-girl or Super-girl and Alice is saying something about the shower.

I frown. "How..?".

"I forgot I left this on record a couple days after you got here..." Jenny explained "I used the school computer and edited out Dana...".

Alice looked away.

"That's really clever" I nod.

"I know" Jenny smiled "We turn it up, put it on a timer and make sure that door is locked... It's genius...".

"Even for you" Shane teased.

"Hey!" Jenny playfully whacked her, smiling.

I stared. Everything was almost back to normal. Alice excused herself to the bathroom, to cry I think, Jenny got the radio set up and Shane went over the plan again. Apparently, we'd also need to _'borrow'_ a map from Causley's office as well.

When I was younger, I thought everything was going to be the same. Nothing would change. I used to dream that my mom and dad would come back for me. That they would take me back to their house, where I'd live with my brothers and sisters.

But, I'd always wake up. I'd still be living in my nightmare world. Bette was enough guilt on my conscience but now, I had Dana as well. I began to wonder how long it would be before I had a nervous break-down.

**-**

**-**

Shane and I watched in the darkness as Jenny and Alice opened the front door and disappeared outside. I turn to Shane, who is jiggling with Jenny's hair clip on the lock. It clicked and the door swung open.

"See?" Shane looks at me "We didn't need Papi's—".

"Got it, Shane" I interrupt her, shoving her inside. I close the door behind us and put the light on. Shane goes through her desk as I open the drawers. I see fluffy purple keys and hold them up.

"That's it" Shane nods. She holds up a map of roads as I close the drawer back over. We turn off the light and leave, Shane fiddling with the lock again.

Shane follows after me when she hears it click and we walk out the door. It's a struggle but we manage to shut it quietly. Jenny and Alice are standing next to an oval car that had purple stripes down and – Wait a minute, it's the car I saw when I first got here, right before a bitchy Jenny and her swanky friends interrupted me.

"Thank-god there's only four of us" Jenny whispered.

I froze. Alice looked like she was gonnah hit her. So did Shane.

Jenny realised "Oh no!" she shook her head "I meant, cause the car... It's only got 4 seats... No, I didn't mean—".

"We know you didn't" I cut her off and unlock the car, getting in the passenger seat. Shane takes the driver's seat as Alice and Jenny hop into the back.

"You ever driven before?" I ask.

Shane shakes her head.

"Better pray we don't crash" I hand her the purple keys. We all buckle up as Shane starts the engine.

I wince. God, I hope nobody heard that.

"That's reverse" Jenny pointed.

Shane nodded and hit her foot down. We didn't reverse, the car went straight forwards onto the field and when Shane braked we went flying forwards, our belts stopping us from bumping into anything.

"Okay" Shane breathed "Let's try that again then...".

She hit her foot down again and wheeled us around, facing the way out. She stopped and started until we got an easy pace down the path.

I was relieved that the gate had been burnt down to the ground ages ago and there was an open easy road in front of us. I was also glad that there didn't seem to be any other drivers on the road... That may have been a bit of a problem.

Shane turned a corner and we head off down south. Good thing I had the map open in my hand... Wait—Shit, the map!

"Stop!" I shrieked.

The car skidded to the side as Shane stopped "What?" she gasped.

"The map" I cried desperately "Where is it!?".

Shane frowned "The last time I had it was—... Shit! I put it down to make sure Causley's door was locked".

"Great!" Alice cried, angry.

"We could go back?" Jenny frowned.

"No" I shake my head "Too risky, we'll just have to chance it...".

"And I'm pretty sure I can remember the way..." Shane added quietly. She started the engine again and drove off down the road.

I knew it. I knew this was going to be a fucking mess-up. So, for the record, I was right.

**-**

**-**

If you're wondering how we ended up like this, I'll recap. Just for you. We drove for 15 minutes, turned random corners that Shane pretended she knew.

Then, Jenny announced she needed to pee. That's all we needed. We pull up at this gas-station and she takes 27 fucking minutes! She returns, twigs in her hair, her shirt ruffled and her tights ripped.

No fucking way. Did she just have it off with a freaking stranger? I give her a look but she smirks and shakes her head at me. This is Jenny's new way to cope: pretend she doesn't have feelings for Alice and shag random girls.

Shane went to start the car again and guess what? No fucking gas left! As bloody usual... Me and my bad-luck. So, recap: imagine it: Me; pissed off, Jenny; half-asleep, Alice; angry and Shane; bored and tired.

It had been 17 minutes since we had run out of gas and been stranded in the middle of nowhere.

"I knew it" I whisper "I said it! This plan is stupid, irrational and a health-hazard!".

"I'll get us some money for gas" Jenny sighed, getting out of the car.

"Don't you dare!" I hiss hotly "Stay right there!".

Jenny doesn't listen to me and continues to walk away from the car, heading for an alley-way. I unbuckle my seat-belt and get ready to drag her back, kicking and screaming but Shane grabs my hands and shoves me back into the seat.

"Shane!" I growl.

"Let her go" Shane shakes her head.

"Do you have any idea what she's about to _do_!?" I shriek "It's wrong and I'm not—".

Dammit. Everything went black.

**-**

**-**

I open my eyes, groggy and sore. My hand goes to reach out but shit—my hands are tied, along with my body to the seat. This isn't happening. I look up and see Shane; driving, Alice in the passenger seat and... Jenny sitting beside me. She looks up and sees that I'm awake.

"What the hell!?" I growl.

"Carmen" Shane breaks into a grin.

"Who the fuck knocked me out and why am I tied up!?" I shriek. Un-fucking-believable.

Jenny reaches out to untie me "Sorry... Alice's idea; we couldn't keep you still and the road had all these bumps in it... You kept falling out of the seat and hitting your head...".

I glare at her. She sits back.

"Who the fuck knocked me out!?" I demand.

"I only did it cause we needed the money and you were gonnah stop us from getting out there" Alice mumbles in lame defence. If this is what losing Dana had done to Alice, I don't wanna know her.

"What!?" I scream "You hit me—knock me out—because I was gonnah stop Jenny from selling her body!?".

Silence.

"Stop the car!" I scream; angry. If they even try to stop me, I'm gonnah to kill them. No joke.

"Carmen" Shane begins softly.

"Stop the damn car!" my throat is raw from the screaming and I hit Alice's seat, making her jump her. It may sound like I'm having a nervous breakdown... But it's really anger "STOP THE FUCKING CAR!" I scream again.

Everybody stares at me like I've gone crazy. Shane brakes suddenly and I'm already out the car, slamming the door shut. I storm along the road.

"Carmen" Shane drives along beside me on the road, window down and head hanging out "Carmen! What are you gonnah do? Hitch-hike back!?".

I spin around, eyes on Alice. "How fucking dare you!? You lost Dana, we get it! You're sad but that does not give you the right to knock people out and then tie them up! There are fucking laws against that!".

It all just comes out. There's no stopping me now "I was protecting Jenny, you're too fucking wrapped up in your own world to realise she did that for you! She _sold_ her body for you! She's fucking in love with you and all you can do is let her sleep around with fucking random strangers!? Just so long as you get your fucking closure!?" I resume storming away.

Silence from Jenny and Alice but Shane moves the car towards me again. "Carmen! Get in the car! Don't be stupid, you can't possibly get back by yourself—".

I stop, out of breath from the shouting and screaming. Shane's right. There's no fucking way I know where or how to get back to that stupid school...

I turn sharply, glaring. I stand in front of the car, the car lights in my unaffected eyes. "We're through" I tell them "When we get back..." I pause "Stay the fuck away from me" I storm around to the back seat and get in, slamming the door shut with such force that the car shook.

Shane mumbled something about still going to Gypsy Town. I don't reply. Alice can get her fucking closure and then she can do whatever the hell she wants, and keep me out of it.

Shane turns a corner and I see a fence, going around in a big circle. Inside the circle there was a shut-down-run-down amusement park but lit-up shops and stalls.

"This is it" Shane whispers.

I get out before Shane can park and stride up, not wanting anything to do with them. I swing my leg over the fence and jump over, continuing to want to get away from them.

I hear the engine turn off and doors open distantly. God, this is so bad... I shove myself into a shop I hope they don't see me go in. A warm scent fills me up and I turn to see I've stumbled into some kind of Fortune-Handing-Reading Gypsy shop.

"How may I help you?" a voice jumps me out of my thoughts. I turn and see a middle-aged woman, standing in Gypsy clothes with retro jewellery and no shoes. She has a chain wrapped around her fingers.

"I...Uh... I was just... Looking" I mutter out.

"I'm Madam Teresa" the gypsy sits down at her desks and beckons me.

I shake my head "Oh no, I don't have any money".

"Then don't pay" Mother Teresa smiles "I know a good soul when I see one...".

I hesitate and then go to sit down opposite her. She takes my hands and closes her eyes, mumbling something in another language. Weird and cool at the same time.

"I see someone" she whispers "A good friend, a sister, Ben... Betty... No, it's _Bette_".

My heart stops. Holy shit.

"She has something to tell you" Madam Teresa opens her eyes and looks at me.

See? What did I tell you?

One big fucking disaster right from the very start.

* * *

**A/N:**

**Soz I haven't posted in a couple days... I've been busy! lol How was everybody's friday 13th? Mine was total shit...**

**_Unchiha-chan:_ how was your job interview? Good?**

**Oh and all mistakes are my own fault and I'll change them when I've had more than 4 hours sleep and it's not lyk 3am in the morning... :)**

**Reviews are my inspiration!**

**Love and Hugs**

**x**


	12. Part 11

**Part XI**

**-**

**-**

"How may I help you?" a voice jumps me out of my thoughts. I turn and see a middle-aged woman, standing in Gypsy clothes with retro jewellery and no shoes. She has a chain wrapped around her fingers.

"I...Uh... I was just... Looking" I mutter out.

"I'm Madam Teresa" the gypsy sits down at her desks and beckons me.

I shake my head "Oh no, I don't have any money".

"Then don't pay" Mother Teresa smiles "I know a good soul when I see one...".

I hesitate and then go to sit down opposite her. She takes my hands and closes her eyes, mumbling something in another language. Weird and cool at the same time.

"I see someone" she whispers "A good friend, a sister, Ben... Betty... No, it's _Bette_".

My heart stops. Holy shit.

"She has something to tell you" Madam Teresa opens her eyes and looks at me.

This is the part where I should jump up, start crying, shake my head and tell myself that this stuff isn't real and I'm just getting my hopes up... I don't.

"You're so very sad" Madam Teresa mutters quietly "And scared, angry... so very angry... Someone you knew has passed, someone you were close you... Like a gang or group".

I shiver and just nod.

"Bette says don't be angry or sad, life's too short" Madam Teresa continued "You've to stop denying it".

"Denying what?" I frown.

Madam Teresa shook her head "Denying how you feel inside... You could have so much love and happiness but instead, you choose sadness and misery... You blame yourself for the things that fate was responsible for and you punish yourself through pain and depression".

I stare.

"She wants you to let go" Madam Teresa added "Bette wants you to let go of everything... Of everything you blamed yourself for in the past... All she wants is your happiness and peace".

"That's not as easy as it sounds" I whisper sadly.

Madam Teresa laughed softly "I'm sorry... There's laughing in my head... She says you're too much of a drama queen".

A smile spreads across my face. It's what she used to call me before the accident. Drama Queen. I was. Probably still am.

"You have a blockage of energy in your aura" Madam Teresa frowns intensely "Because of all the pain you've been through... Do you want to unblock your energy?".

I just nod.

Madam Teresa closes her eyes and I do the same "Just breath softly" she whispers "Relax... Feel yourself drifting away in the wind; gentle and happy..." she took my hands again and started chanting as I breathed in and out.

I felt a glow of light fall over me in a split second and then it was gone. I opened my eyes to find Madam Teresa, staring at me, smiling happily.

"It's unblocked" she tells me softly "Now it's up for you to decide whether you want the happiness back in your life".

I pause. Happiness. What did she mean by that? I smile, thank her and leave her shop to lean against railings and let the cold air wash over me.

"Hey" a voice approaches me.

I stay silent.

"I'm sorry about what happened" Shane offered, standing close beside me. If I moved an inch she'd be pressed full flush up against me.

"Don't bother" I sigh, looking away. Pause. "How's it going?" I gesture to a shop were Alice is sat across from a gypsy as Jenny stands at the jewellery bit, looking fascinated.

"Dana apparently came through" Shane's tone tells me she doesn't believe it. Do I? "The woman went on and on about love and peace... Alice is real pleased".

"Great" I mutter back.

"I think if something false gives her the courage to move on... Then maybe it's not really a bad thing" Shane sounds as if she's trying to convince herself, not me... Maybe she's right.

"She never wanted to hurt" Shane adds "I know that losing Dana has made her different... Alice is not the same Alice anymore... But she didn't want to hurt you".

"Wanna see it from my point of view?" I turn sharply and she backs me into a wall "I think that sub-consciously Alice blames me for letting Dana die, ergo; the whack... I also think that all you and Alice care back is getting here... What about Jenny? She sold her body for us, and you didn't even try to stop her...".

Shane leans in "Alice does not blame you... And that Jenny-thing is totally different".

"Really?" I smile bitterly "So, if it was me instead of Jenny, selling my body to random desperate girls, you'd have let me do it then?".

Shane purses her lips and slowly wraps her arms around me possessively. I let her, god knows why. She shakes her head; her face set firm.

"No" Shane straightens up to inch over me a little bit. She pulls me closer for a hug and shakes her head again "No, I wouldn't have let you do it...".

I can't decide how I feel... Should I be mad that Shane thinks she can make those kind of decisions for me or be secretly happy that she wouldn't even let me think about it..? Be secretly happy that she doesn't want me near anybody else..?

Shane pulls back "But, I don't have to tell you not to do it... You're too smart to do something that stupid... And the reason I didn't go after Jenny was because I didn't wanna leave you... Especially not with Alice".

"Make me feel better" I sigh sadly.

"I could" Shane bends down and her hands run over my thighs. She hikes my left leg over her hip and tucks her hand around my other leg.

"No Shane..." I grip my head, shaking it "No... Stop it".

"Why are you so scared?" Shane whispers into my ear "I won't hurt you".

"But we did" I reaffirm my strong voice, looking her straight in the eye "We did hurt each other... I don't think it's a good idea to get involved right now...".

Shane grips me tighter, digging her knee right into my crotch. I so hate her right now: my body betrays itself and I let out a moan, my fingers gripping her arms.

Shane leans in; smiling as she bit, sucked and kissed my neck. My fingers run through her hair in an attempt to bring her closer. This is stupid!—break it off now—do it!

"Shane stop" I push her away.

She seeks my eyes, brushing my hair out of my way with her soft kissable thumb. "What?" she whispers.

"You're good" I lean in to plant a chaste kiss on her lips. She tries to latch on to mine but I pull away in time. I smile and lean in, wrapping my arm around her waist and letting my fingers rest on her back-pocket.

"The thing is..." I pull back, revealing the purple fluffy keys I just nicked from her back-pocket without her realising "... I'm better..." I smile, slip out of her grasp and walk towards the car.

I hear her laugh.

You've met your match, Shane McCutcheon. Live with it.

**-**

**-**

I must have fell asleep in the car because I opened my eyes to see Shane turn the engine off and look up to the castle. Jenny sits up, yawning and Alice jumps out from the car.

I sigh and climb out quietly, stretching my sore legs. "Carmen" Alice begins, leaning against the car.

I turn and fold my arms.

"I'm sorry about..." she begins, gesturing to her head.

"I'll send you the bill" I slam the door loudly and pace towards the castle.

Shane wandered by my side. We walked back into castle and up the stairs quietly. "Keys?" I turned to her. Shane shrugged back and just kept walking. She had a point: Causley wasn't exactly going to need them in her cozy wee jail cell.

Shane opened the door to our dorm as Jenny and Alice caught up with us. We walked in quickly; me just wanting my bed because getting knocked out and then your dead best friend basically telling you to lighten up, even _she's_ the one who's dead, kinda takes it out of you.

"Oh hell no" Shane's voice breathe.

"What?" my heart quickens.

I follow her gaze and stop dead in my tracks. There is a flame-red haired girl lying on Dana's bed, wearing a black skirt and leather red top. Interesting.

"Yo!" Shane cried "Flame girl!".

"Shane" I hiss under my breath.

I glance at Alice and Jenny. Jenny looks shocked and Alice looks pissed. Mainly because I just think that his newbie is sitting on Dana's bed and shouldn't we have twigged it? I was only sent to their dorm because a bed was free... And now... Dana was gone and her bed was free... Did we think it would be any different?

Alice strolled towards the red-head and shook her with force. That's one way to wake her up. The girl jerked awake and looked up through bleary eyes.

"Huh? ... I—" the girl mumbled.

"Who the hell are you?" Alice interrupted her.

The girl sat up, yawning and wiping her eyes. She took a second to take in her surroundings and then stared at us. "The lesbians, right?" she pointed.

Lovely.

Alice's eyes widened and she folded her arms in anger. Jenny stepped back, not wanting to get involved in one of Alice's; 'don't-mess-with-me-things'.

"Who are you?" Alice pressed, clearly damn annoyed.

"Alright, love" the girl stood, showing her tall height and slender body "I 'eard you first time".

We waited.

"I'm Becky" she offered, wrapping her arms around herself.

"Nice to meet you Becky" I forced a smile "Now, if you don't mind, I'm gonnah go to bed because _somebody _knocked me out and if she goes any further..." I laugh bitterly, then glare at Alice "She's going to get on my bad side... And that's not something you wanna do" I hiss the last part, making my way to my bed.

"I'm new" Becky added "Someone just said to come up here... That there was a new opening here".

I didn't hear the rest of the conversation. My head hit the pillow and I knew no more.

When I woke up, I kicked ass. Believe me.

**-**

**-**

I was jerked awake by the screaming sounds of two girls. Pathetic, right? I groan, sit up and see Alice and the new girl wrestling around on the ground.

"Ah!".

Ohh... That had to have hurt.

Jenny is sat on her bed, plastered in make-up, filing her nails. Typical. Shane appears from the bathroom, tooth-brush hanging from her mouth, looking tired and yet totally beautiful.

"Stop it!" I get up and march over there, tearing them apart. Whether she means it or not, Becky has just whacked me in the stomach and suddenly—somehow—Shane is now involved, kicking shit out of her as I hold Alice off.

"Stop it!" I scream. Fine. Don't say I didn't warn them.

I grab Alice's ear, haul her up harshly and then reach for Becky's ear, grabbing her up as well. All I hear is groans and protests as Becky and Alice are up on their feet, my nails digging into their ears.

"Now!" I cry "Are you both going to shut up and let me get my morning coffee!?".

"She started it!" Becky growled.

"I don't care!" I growl back "Will you both get on or not!?".

"Fine" Alice sighs.

"Fine" Becky mutters hotly.

"Okay then" I release them and they quickly grab their ears in pain. Huh, I honestly didn't know I had that much strength...

"School's back on" Jenny adds, still bored.

"Oh, what!?" I groan "Dammit".

Shane storms back into the bathroom and slams the door shut. Great. Everybody's fighting. Alice turns, grabs her jackets and races from the dorm, muttering something about Becky.

Becky sighs and goes back to Dana's bed.

This is certainly awkward. I sit next to Jenny hesitantly, expecting a slap. I deserve one. I really shouldn't have told Alice about Jenny's secret love-crush of her... But I did, and I'll live with the consequences...

"How are you?" I whisper quietly.

Jenny stops the nail filing for a second but doesn't look at me. She resumes the nail filing and then sighs. "I'm fine, Carmen" she forces a sick sweet smile "Why wouldn't I be?".

"Well..." I'm still quiet because Becky's still in the room "...Last night, I'm sorry I said—".

"Get over yourself, Carmen" Jenny snaps, cutting me off.

I freeze. I knew that voice. I flash-back to the first time I met Jenny and it's _that _voice. Her face is expressionless and it's then I finally twig. She's not Jenny anymore.

Everything she had been doing was leading back to this: the random sex, slutty clothes, general disinterest... It was playing back to her being her old self.

"Do you mind?" her posh snobby voice rang through my ears. She pointed to her covers and winced "I just got those washed, yeah? ... So, please... Get off them before they get dirty again..." she folds her arms and gives a half-smirk, half-glare.

I stare. This cannot be happening. Where the fuck was Jenny? The Jenny I knew, the one who had warmed to being nice, kind and sensitive... Where had she gone?

I jerked up away from her, my eyes still on hers. She looked away after a second and sighed boredly, glancing down at her perfect fake nails.

"Whatever" I roll my eyes at her and storm into the bathroom, slamming the door shut behind me. I hate this day and everything about it.

Oops. Wrong move. Shane must have had a shower because she's wearing her skinny jeans but just putting on her top. Naked.

"Sorry" I glance away, sighing. Great. "I'll just..." I turn to go.

"Don't" Shane stops me, putting on her white wife-beater "What's wrong?".

I turn to face her "Everything is wrong, Shane! Dana is dead, Alice is a bitch, don't even get me started on Jenny and who the fuck is this new Becky-chick?" I sigh exhaustingly "It's just too much to deal with... And me and you..." I pause as she studies me "We were never really friends to begin with, were we?".

"What?" Shane moves closer.

"Shane" I look down, trying to find words "This... Us... Whatever this flirting thing we have going on... Can we just... Stop? Just, go back to being friends or whatever... I really can't take another breakdown".

"Can you?" Shane stares at me harshly "Can you actually look me in the eye and tell me you feel _nothing_?".

My mouth opens to answer her but I stop. I can't actually say that to her face. It hits me like a ton of bricks... I can't. The words won't form...

I find myself rushing out the door only to wish I hadn't. Jenny and Becky are in the middle of sex when I choose to run away from Shane, again.

"God!" I wince, rushing out the dorm.

**A/N:**

**I bet you thought I had all forgotten about this? Huh? Admit it, you did... Oh ye of little faith... I've been so busy juggling other stuff but I'm back, thank-god, I was beginning to forget what this plot was all about... Kidding :)**

**Oh, all mistakes are my own fault and I'll change them tomorrow, I'll try do it when I'm at school but I seriously doubt it...**

**Reviews are love!**

**Love and Hugs**

**x**


	13. Part 12

**Part XII**

**-**

**-**

We all stare at the black-haired teacher sitting at the desk. Let's recap, shall we? I had just walked in on Jenny and new girl Becky having sex, and ran away so hard I thought my legs might break.

School was back on, a bit soon I might add but... Now, we're in class, staring at this substitute, who's on her phone. This substitute who has nothing better to do than talk on her phone, leaving us just listening to her sob over her cheating boyfriend.

Hey, it's better than—

Something hits my back and I stop my chain my thought. I glance back; ready to give whoever the fuck did it a slap but I see a crumpled up balled of paper next to my chair leg.

I pick it up, turn around and give the class a glance again and then open it up. It read:

_Finished with Player Shane? Come to room 509 for good time._

Great. Dana's grave is barely weeks old and already I'm getting hit on. I turn back and see a dirty blonde grinning—no, smirking—at me. She raises her eyebrows.

I smirk, crumple the paper back up and throw it back to her. It lands on her desk. I see Shane staring at me. "What?" I mouth. She shrugs. We've said so few words to each other since this morning in the bathroom.

What do I get myself into? I mean, really! Shane moves her table over to mine and leans in "Guess you saw them then?" she whispers.

"How could I not?" I whisper back "They were just about to audition for World's Greatest Sluts when I walked out" the last came out bitterly "So much for Jenny the mild".

Shane snorts and pulls back "Was bound to happen sooner or later".

"What?" I frown "Dana is barely—".

"Hi Shane" a blonde turns around from in front of Shane and gives her smirk "Are we still on for tonight?".

My heart plummets. Oh god, I should have seen it coming. I glance at Shane's uneasy smile and then quick nod. Right. Looks like everybody's paired up but me.

Wonderful. I pull a piece of paper from my jotter and scribble down:

_You're on_

I tossed it to the dirty blonde who had hit on me earlier. She smirked, opened it and flashed me a hungry desiring look. Well then... I guess you could say that me and Shane are no longer; 'me and Shane'.

Shane questions me with her eyes but I just shrug and turn away.

**-**

**-**

"Homework done for next week" I mumble to myself, writing down on my school list "Project to be handed in tomorrow... 1000 words essay on emotions..." I walk up the stairs and come to my dorm door. Let's pray Becky and Jenny aren't back. "...World War II report, done..." I smile and open the door.

Oh no. No, no, no, no, no, no, no!

Shit. Shit.

"Carmen" Shane mumbles, covering herself with the bed covers "It's not how it looks...".

My dead eyes flicker from her to the tart beside her, who is also naked. I fold my arms and glare. Why didn't I see this coming? Why did I think she had actually changed?

"Don't let me interrupt you" I walk into the bathroom, looking for my jumper, which is why I came up here anyway. I grab my jumper and walk back "Don't mind me" I fake a sick smile and storm out.

**-**

**-**

I see my hand reaching out to knock on door number 509. I see the door open and the blonde standing there is the one from class earlier on.

"Lookie, lookie" she pouts "You couldn't keep away, could you?".

"No talking" I tell her and lean down to kiss her harshly. She grabs her forcefully and pulls me into the room to slam the door shut. She pins against the door and shoves her tongue down my throat. Literally.

Her fingers burst open my shirt and I pull away, panting heavily. "Stop" I gasp.

She leans in and kisses my neck hungrily. "Stop" I push her away. What am I doing!? I'm letting this total stranger ravage me... I don't even know her name... I'm doing it again. Exactly what happened last time. When Shane slept with someone and I went running to Papi.

"Sorry" I start buttoning my shirt back up.

"What are you doing?" she stops me "Were we not just in the middle of something?".

I open the door and turn back to her "Tell me my name and I'll stay".

The blonde shifts from one foot to the other foot and grins sheepishly "... Callie?".

"Wrong" I smile and walk out, slamming the door behind me. My feet walk and I realise I'm heading towards the direction of the dining hall. Coffee. I need coffee.

I get a latte from the kitchen and sit by myself at a table at the back row. How did I get like this? When I first arrived here; I fell for Shane, made friends, settled in... And then it all went wrong. Shane and I hurt each other with people, Dana died, Alice changed, Jenny went back to being a bitch, and then, there was this new person... Called Becky who seemed to be taking over.

I don't exactly know how Alice is taking the news but I don't think it's great.

"You said just friends".

I jerk up and see Shane, sitting across from me. Her tone is a little angry and slightly sad.

"What?" I frown.

"In the bathroom" Shane replies quickly "You said friends. _Just_ friends, remember? No flirting, no dating, no anything that friends shouldn't be doing, ring any bells?".

"Yeah" I nod coldly "I walked in on you semi-naked and you didn't let me leave... Does that sound like just friends?".

"Oh give it up Carmen" Shane leans in to hiss "You confuse me so much, you'd know that? First, you like me, then you shag Papi, then you flirt with me again, then we have that date-fair thing, then you push me away, then you flirt with me again, then you tell me we shouldn't flirt, that we should just be friends, then you walk in on me and Jo and storm out! You're so confusing, sometimes! Just say one thing and stick to it".

"Everytime I even try to close to you, I get hurt!" I replied angrily "That's what it's about! Everytime I open myself up to you, try to get close to you, you pull away faster than the speed of light and shag some random Jo!".

"Oh!" Shane pulls back, laughing bitterly "What was Papi then? And what about that girl in class this morning!? Don't tell me you didn't storm away to her like you did with Papi".

I look away.

"See?" Shane nods "I know you better then you know yourself".

"You don't know anything about me" I bite back "Yes, I went to..." shit, her name... "...Room 509 and yes, I kissed... Her but nothing else happened".

Shane smirks and shakes her head.

"Nothing happened!" I insist "Beside, what'd you care? And as you so kindly pointed out, we're _just_ friends! Remember?".

Shane stands and looks at me expressionless "We're all having a movie night tonight... Becky's borrowing the television from Causley's office... You in?".

I raise my eyebrows "Borrowing, huh?".

Shane represses a smirk "Yes, _borrowing_... She's also gonnah _borrow_ some videos, like I said... You in?".

"Sure" I rub my forehead tiredly "Will Jo be joining us?" there's bitterness to my tone.

"No" Shane snaps sharply "She won't" she turns and marches away. I watch her go, not realising my hand is practically burning up from holding the latte cup.

I pull it away, hissing.

Great. My day couldn't get any worse.

Ha.

Famous last words.

**-**

**-**

I'm sitting on a bench outside the school, gazing out at the field, the lake and Dana's grave. God, that was horrible. Talking to Shane, telling her how I felt, how I feel... That hurt.

"Hello Carmen" a voice announces itself and then a figure sat down next to me. I jump up when I realise who it is. This can't be happening... This isn't real.

"Bette" I whisper. Sure as day, she's right in front of me, her brown locks running down her back, wearing an orange summer dress and white sandals.

"Since when do you feel sorry for yourself?" she asks me.

"What are you—" I choke out "How is this—".

"Oh you are stubborn" Bette cuts me off, smiling "I take it my message didn't get through to you?".

I stay silent.

"Come on" she takes my hand and leads me across the field, and eventually to the lake and Dana's grave. "You blame yourself for my death, and you blame yourself for Dana's death... You couldn't have saved us, Carmen... Understand that".

Tears well to the surface and when I look at Dana's tombstone, my blood runs cold. I step back in shock and look up at Bette's sad face.

"What is this?" I hiss out.

"This is life without you" Bette replies.

I stare back at the tombstone, shivers going down my spine. The tombstone reads:

_R.I.P_

_Carmen De La Pica Morales_

_1973 – 1990_

_Beloved Daughter, Sister and Friend_

Bette points over to the lake and suddenly the scene plays over in my head like last time. Cal in front of me and Dana, him shouting, the gun gets clicked into place and suddenly, the gun gets raised.

Oh no. Shit. God.

I duck in front of Dana and suddenly, it's me on the ground, bleeding to death. Dana cries, cradles my body, screams as Cal drops the gun and runs away.

Screams til her throat goes raw and I have to turn and run away. It gets too much. And then the tears come.

**-**

**-**

"Let me get this straight, you're an angel coming to show me what my life would be like if I was dead..?" I'm walking along aside Bette in the school halls.

"Along those lines" Bette nods back "Sort of like _A Wonderful Life_ but... Not so wonderful".

"You're more cryptic now than you were alive!" I mutter, shaking my head.

Bette turns a corner and suddenly stops. I follow her gaze and frown as a covered body is pulled out from my dorm room on a stretcher.

I glance to Bette and frown. It's like no-one can see us. Like we're just invisible ghost looking on at a scene.

"When you died, everything fell apart" Bette explains "Everybody fell apart. Shane couldn't take it. One night, she got some pills and over-dosed".

I stop breathing.

"She died" Bette continued, watching the stretcher get wheeled away.

I see a tear-streaked Alice and Dana by the door and an expressionless Jenny. They look so shaken and pale. Like they're in shock. I want to reach out and let them know it's all alright but I know they won't see me. Or Bette.

The scene in front of me fades away and suddenly we're in a dark alley-way. Bette's beside me, watching a dark-haired girl take money from another girl and lead her to the alley.

"What's going on?" I look around.

"Everything gets too much for Jenny" Bette whispers like it'll make a difference, gesturing to the dark-haired girl "It started out innocent, like before... And then it became a way to grieve... Deal with it...".

I glance again at the girl and she reappears, striding out of the alley-way. I'm shocked to find that it's Jenny. She's wearing slutty clothes and slapped in make-up.

"What?" I gasp "What is this?".

"You saved Jenny from herself, Carmen" Bette replies, not looking at me "You saved Shane and you saved Jenny. Without you, they're lives fell apart".

I wrap my arms around myself almost painfully and go quiet.

"Come on" Bette adds "We're not done yet".

Suddenly, we're back in school and watching this loner Goth eat lunch. She's covered in black clothes and black make-up with celtic jewellery and symbols all over her hands.

"Who's that?" I frown.

"Go see out for yourself" Bette folds her arms.

I take one glance at her before walking over to the table and sitting down across from the Goth. Once again, she can't see or hear me. I frown again and stare at her face. My eyes widen in shock.

"Dana?" I lean in. It's Dana sitting before me. All in black. Black everything. She looks sad, depressed. I turn back to Bette "What happened to her?".

"Alice couldn't take losing you and Shane" Bette explains, sitting down next to me "Shane was like a sister to her and she dealt with it by closing her heart... Alice pushed Dana away".

"So Dana became a loner Goth?" I frown, looking back at her.

Bette nods "She gave up tennis and closed up her own heart... She hardened herself, became depressed... Covered herself in a lonely pool of blackness...".

Bette pointed to a corner and I stand and look up to see a blonder haired Alice, sitting by herself at a table, her nose in a thick book.

"What happened to Alice?" I ask, dreading creeping up in me.

"She gave up writing" Bette shrugs, standing next to me "Became bitter and cold... Gave up anything that made her happy... She'll be dead by the time she's 24... She'll be just another homeless person that caught a virus and her immune system couldn't fight it... There'll be nobody there to miss her...".

Tears once again rise to the surface and I try to blink them back.

"I don't wanna do this anymore" I choke out.

"There's still one more you need to see" Bette replies, taking my hand.

Once again, the scene before my eyes fade and suddenly, we're in Papi's dorm. She's sitting on her bed, dividing out white powder that's probably drugs.

"You changed her, Carmen" Bette smiles sadly "You saved her... After you slept with her and helped her; cleaned her up after the fight with Shane... You made her softer... You changed her for the better, Carmen".

I glance back down to Papi, whose dark make-up and hair rolled into a tight bun made her look harsh. Scary. Cold. Bitter. She keeps dividing and rolling up the drugs.

"She becomes a drug-dealer?" I whisper out.

Bette nodded "She sells drugs for cash... In a few months from now, the police will raid the school and find Papi with possession of drugs... She'll be charged and sent to prison for 15 years" she paused sadly "... She won't survive those 15 years...".

"I want to stop this now" I look at Bette with pleading eyes.

Suddenly, we're back the lake, two tombstones now in front of me. Mines. And Shane's. Seconds later, more tombstones appear by mine and Shane's, each getting newer and newer.

I lean in and read them "Alice, Dana, Papi, Jenny..." I look back at Bette "What's going on?".

"They all die, Carmen" Bette folded her arms matter-of-factly "...Alice dies homeless, Papi dies in jail, Jenny's just another call-girl who got murdered and Dana... She gets caught up in a cult and commits suicide...".

My heart starts to pound faster, my breathing hitched, my throat raw and my soul battered and bruised. I stare blankly at the six tombstones in front of me.

"Why are you doing this?" I cry to Bette.

"Because you have to stop blaming yourself, Carmen" Bette replies, taking my hand "I was supposed to save that boy... I was meant to die... And so was Dana... But you... If you had taken Dana's place, they all would have died way before they're time...".

Tears flow from my eyes painfully.

"Stop blaming yourself, Carmen" Bette whispers "Stop it".

I turn to find her but she's not there anymore. My mouth opens to gasp painfully and suddenly, before my eyes, everything she's shown me, is rewound; like a tape being re-winded:

_Me being shot. My tombstone. Shane's dead body. Shane's tombstone. Call-girl Jenny. Depressed Dana. Bitter, cold Alice. Drug-dealing Papi. Jenny's tombstone. Dana's tombstone. Alice's tombstone. Papi's tombstone._

_Death. Shane. Dana. Jenny. Alice. Papi—_

I gasp and jerk awake. I look around sharply. I'm in the dining hall, still sitting at the table where Shane had found me and the last thing I remember is...

I must have fallen asleep because there's only several other students and staff left in the hall. I leave my now freezing cold latte and stand up, yawning.

God, that dream—nightmare—with Bette had been so real. Was she right? Had I saved Shane and Alice and Jenny and Papi since I had gotten here?

Maybe she was right. I blamed myself. I did. I could have saved Dana. Except I couldn't. I can't help but smile at Bette's words. She's my guardian angel.

I glance out the window and see the one tombstone by the lake. Dana's tombstone. I sigh softly and continue my way up to the dorm.

Maybe they've already started to watch the video. Maybe they haven't. I don't know. I don't know what I'm gonnah do about Shane but the one thing I do know is that I need to let go of all this anger and blame.

So I will. I let go of all the anger and blame and bitterness.

And you know what I did?

I smiled.

* * *

**A/N:**

**Hey! Sorry about totally neglecting this story recently... Been totally busy lately! Anyway, back on track! Oh and I'll fix any mistakes later ;)**

**Reviews are awesome!**

**Love & Hugs**

**x**


	14. Part 13

**Part 13**

**-**

**-**

I must have fallen asleep because there's only several other students and staff left in the hall. I leave my now freezing cold latte and stand up, yawning.

God, that dream—nightmare—with Bette had been so real. Was she right? Had I saved Shane and Alice and Jenny and Papi since I had gotten here?

Maybe she was right. I blamed myself. I did. I could have saved Dana. Except I couldn't. I can't help but smile at Bette's words. She's my guardian angel.

I glance out the window and see the one tombstone by the lake. Dana's tombstone. I sigh softly and continue my way up to the dorm.

Maybe they've already started to watch the video. Maybe they haven't. I don't know. I don't know what I'm gonnah do about Shane but the one thing I do know is that I need to let go of all this anger and blame.

So I will. I let go of all the anger and blame and bitterness.

And you know what I did?

I smiled.

**-**

**-**

"You're late" Alice commented as I walked into our dorm, finding them all sat on the ground, covers wrapped around them and looking up at the small tv.

"What are you watching?" I wince at the screen as an army-looking man shoots into the field.

"A Russian drama" Becky replies.

"I see" I avoid Shane's gaze and stumble in the dark, flopping down on my bed.

"You're not gonnah watch it?" Alice asks.

I struggle up and stare at them. All of them. Really _stare_. If you looked at us, you would see girls, teenage girls, trying to get along in the world. Except, look closer and it's not.

You would see Becky; new girl, the one we didn't know or basically, don't want to. At all.

Alice, the once-shy writer now confident and bitter about life and love.

Or Jenny, the snobby bitch that hid her sensitive side, the one that let her feel, now... Now, she's a Barbie doll, cold and plastic.

Or Shane. Shane. Nobody really knows Shane. I don't think. She's smart and sexy, but that's not the real her. She's cut up about her fucked up family and everything that goes with it.

And me... Huh. I used to know myself. Really. I used to know what I liked and didn't like. I used to know how I would react in certain situations and now I don't. It's all gone.

And I blame this place. Ever since I got here, my life has been a soap drama. A dramatic movie about the loss of love, the heartache of family and the pains of growing up. I hate it.

"How did we get like this?" I whisper out, quiet but I know they hear me.

Their heads turn and gentle eyes stare at me with interest.

"I know" Alice breathes out. Things haven't been very good between us since she whacked me. Can you blame me? You don't go around hitting people just because—_Breathe, Carmen, breathe..._

"Sorry" Alice adds, not looking at me "I'm sorry".

"I know" I reply "I'm sorry too".

Shane turns to look at me and this time, I look back. She gives me a small smile and I smile back. Jenny just keeps her legs up against her chin, looking small.

"I'm sorry too, Jenny" I sit up, speaking louder now. She doesn't turn "I know you paste yourself in make-up and skimpy clothes to hide yourself but I know you, and I'm sorry you're hurting...".

Alice gives Jenny a quick glance. Ever since I accidently spilled the beans about the whole 'Jenny in love with Alice' thing, I get the impression they haven't been talking.

"And I'm sorry as well, Becky" I add, looking over at her "I know we haven't been the most welcoming of people...".

"S'okay" Becky shrugs "I heard about... Dana".

Alice winces at her name and Shane reaches out to take her hand.

"You wanna talk?" I come off the bed and sit down on the floor next to them "Unless... You wanna watch two Russian lovers in the back of a tank?".

Becky laughs and turns to face me "You're so sarcastic, you'd know that?".

"Oh yeah" Shane says something before I can "That's just Carmen".

I mock-gasp and reach out to whack her "That's not fair! Coming from Miss Depressed Skater-dude".

"Oh good one" Shane sticks her tongue out at me.

Becky grins and shakes her head. I see her hand reach out to pick something up. It looks like a piece of paper or a picture. "What's this?" she turns the picture around and we all freeze, staring. It's the day Dana died.

We all got our picture taken together in this dorm. Shane's behind me with her arms wrapped around my waist and her head resting on my shoulder and beside us is Dana and Alice, laughing at something they said to each other. Jenny is in the middle, a fag in one hand and a bottle of soda in the other. She's pouting happily, something we never see her do anymore.

I remember that day so clearly... Alice and Dana weren't coming down til later cause they wanted to spend time with each other. Then they did and everything went to pot.

"Is that Dana?" Becky asks, looking back at the picture "She's pretty".

"She is" Alice whispers, taking the picture and putting it in her pocket. I smile at Shane and she takes my hand in the dark, entwining our fingers. I've decided I will take a chance on her. I love her, right? I mean, I've pretty much known that since that first night we got drunk together.

Bette and Dana are always going to be there in my heart but I've got to move on. I've got a future, a life I've got to live, maybe I'll call Kit and see how she's getting on... I miss her.

"This is too depressing" Becky reaches out and takes the video out.

"Yes" I nod, leaning into Shane's body and she pulls her covers around me.

"Spanish midgets wrestling?" Becky pouts, changing the channel.

"Sure" I mumble and they all turn to stare at me "What?" I frown "Spanish midgets can be—Whatever!"".

Becky grins and changes the channel over and suddenly, music blasts through the small side speakers. The music channel. Finally. Something fun.

"Come on" I pull Shane up and we start classical dance to old school rap.

Becky snorts and shakes her head "So shameful!".

"Jealous!" I point, laughing. I haven't had this much fun in... God knows.

Becky grabs Alice's hand and yanks her up and suddenly, we're everywhere, jumping on anything and everything.

"Come on, Jenny!" I laugh "Can't be cranky bitch forever!".

Her face splits into a grin and she hurdles a pillow at me.

"Oh!" I cry "Pillow fight!".

And I guess, that's how all our pillows were ripped to shreds. It was fun. Shane's a wimp at pillow fights, I find out. Either that or she just loved me pinning her down.

I'm sure it was the latter.

**-**

**-**

"That's disgusting!" I groan as I walk with Shane towards class. Becky, Alice and Jenny are not far behind and I can hear a quiet murmur of protest.

"It's true" Shane nods, turning the page on a black dusty book "In some parts of the worlds, people actually eat the placenta... Supposed to be healthy or something".

"Can you stop?" I cover my mouth with my hand "I'm going to be sick".

"Hey, what's this?" Shane pulls me towards a wall and we stare up at a poster.

"Oh no" I shake my head.

In front of us is a big giant, red, sparkly poster. And what's on it, makes me want the ground to open up and swallow me whole. There's nowhere I'm having any involvement in this. Becky, Jenny and Alice come up behind us and before they open their mouths to ask, Mrs Watters is standing beside us now, smiling.

"Thinking of taking part, girls?" she smiles. Bitch.

Becky frowns as she reads the poster. _"With Winter coming up, our Christmas Musical Play will be rewritten and performed by new and fresh faces. If you wish to take part in the play, see Mrs Watters at lunch"._

"I'm sure it will be great" I force a smile.

"Well it should be" Mrs Watters replies "Because you'll be in it...".

"What!?" we all gasp.

Mrs Watters stepped closer to us "...I know you poor things have had a dreadful time so far and I think a bit of festival cheers will make you feel all the better... Auditions are lunch, don't miss it".

"What if..." Shane began "Said people were... Late or ill or otherwise engaged?" I stare at her. Huh. Her grammar is good.

Mrs Watters' eyes went into slits "Well then, those ..._said_ people would serve a month's detention".

Shane laughed nervously "...Lunch it is" she pulled at her ear adoringly.

Mrs Watters smiled and began walking away "Very well, get to class, girls...".

I shake my head sadly "Is it really that bad?".

Alice nodded "Last year, Causley made us dress up as donkeys and cart Jenny and her Barbie Dolls around the stage".

"Hey!" Jenny cries "You got paid!".

"No we didn't" Alice frowned.

"Oh" Jenny frowns as well. She then shrugs "Too bad".

"Who did you play?" I ask Jenny.

"Madonna" Jenny states, walking away.

I frown.

Shane laughs "Yeah, Causley... She had a strange and very musical production of Jesus's birth... Yeah, you should have been there... Mary told Joseph she was pregnant while the song _'Like A Virgin'_ played into the background...".

I can't help but laugh.

"English awaits, my dear pitiful friends!" Becky hooks her arm around my shoulder and then Alice's. Shane rolls her eyes beside me and I give her a small smile.

"Who will you be then, Becky?" I frown, slightly pouting.

"I shall the star in the sky!" Becky cries dramatically "The Star that shall lead them to Jesus".

"We all know who the Virgin Mary's gonnah be..." I muttered.

"Jenny!" we all cry at the same time, laughing.

**-**

**-**

"Now, who can tell us the story of Jesus Christ?" a woman with ginger curly hair asks us. Mrs. Watters couldn't make it apparently and now we're stuck with someone else. I swear; there's a new teacher every week in this place... I never know who is who and it's been... Well, it's been a while since I've gotten here. I should know these people. Huh.

Becky immediately raises her hand and the curly haired woman nods to let her answer.

"Well" Becky tosses her hair over her shoulder and I smile at Shane, who is looking at me with a funny look. "What?" I mouth to her but Becky is already talking.

"It's about this woman called Mary" Becky adds "Who, had an affair with another man, so she blamed it on God when she found out she was pregnant so her husband, a faithful carpenter; Joseph, wouldn't leave her... It's really _that_ simple".

I stare at her. She's the only one who could make Jesus Christ's birth about today's modern infidelity.

"Thank you..." the woman looks uneasy. She forces a smile and turns back "Jesus Christ is actually the son of God, a very important man who sacrificed himself to save others... He returned, even death could not stop him, he never falters, he doesn't give up and he loves everyone... Now, let's start the audition, who wants to be Mary?".

"I think Mary should be a single mother, struggling on benefits, who's also having an affair with her female divorce lawyer on the side!" Becky buts in "It'll give her character more... Character" she grins.

I shake my head, laughing. She's really one in a million.

The curly-haired woman turns to Becky and looks like she's going to have a fit.

"I think Mary can have a lot more depth" Becky explains "I think we're cheapening her purpose with just labelling her '_mother of the saviour_' y'know? I mean, Jesus had to have had flaws, right? He must have grown up, had it hard, went through puberty, slept around with the odd sheep, he can't be perfect all the damn time...".

The woman steps forwards "Miss...?".

"Oh Becky" Becky smiles innocently "With all due respect, Miss...?".

"Mrs Calendar" the woman rasps. I can't help but imagine steam coming out of her ears right now. Shane grins at me as Jenny and Alice both have the same amused look, as do all the others girls surrounding us on the small black stage.

"Mrs Calendar" Becky nods "...I mean, it's possible, right? And I bet Moses did not part the red sea... I mean, c'mon! Either a hurricane came and swept it off or an alien space-ship flew down and thought: '_Hey, that's a red sea! That would make a great souvenir back home... Margie'll love it_' and just sucked it up and Moses thought it was God and told them that the great almighty powerful—".

"Get out of my production!" Mrs Calendar shouts, breathing angrily.

Becky backs away, smiling. She waves her arms about and turns, giving me and Shane a wink. "And that's how you get out of plays!" she skips off happily.

Mrs Calendar breathes deeply "Now..." she rasps "Who would like to be Mary?".

Jenny's hand shot up.

Huh.

Didn't see that one coming.

* * *

**A/N:**

**Hey!! Sorry I haven't updated much, please don't ditch me !! lol First off, I'm changing the roman number chap titles to just normal, ie Part 1 instead of Part I and second, I've changed my pename to Miss Gossip Girl cause I was bored lol**

**Reviews are awesome!**

**Lots of love**

**x**


	15. Part 14

**Part 14**

**-**

**-**

"I can't keep doing this!" my throat is raw and sore but I keep going "Not knowing where you are at night, what you're doing, _who_ you're doing it with!".

Shane steps towards me, a fire in her eyes "Me? Please, let's not get into this, we both know that the only reason you stay is because you've got nowhere else to go!".

"How dare you!" I rant, circling her like my prey "I do everything for you! I clean for you, I watch those flipping sheep, I even cook and you know I can't cook!".

"Well, excuse me!" Shane spins around "Who was the one who wanted to move away from your family!? I bet you were ashamed of me!".

"What?" I gasp.

"You heard me" Shane steps closer "Just because I don't earn what all your other friends do, doesn't mean I don't love you!".

"It doesn't feel like it!" I shriek "All those late hours, the looks, it's as if... You don't trust me anymore" the last part comes as a statement.

"Because you're keeping secrets from me!" Shane backs away from me, tears in her eyes.

"You really wanna know!?" I scream "Do you!?".

"Yes!" Shane screams back "Just let me in, stop all the lies and just—".

"I'm pregnant!" I cut her off.

Shane stops and stares at me painfully.

"And cut!" Mrs Calendar steps in, smiling. She looks at us "Very well played, I liked the emotion".

I glance down at the printed out script in my hand and bite my lip. I smirk and glance up to Shane, who's looking at the script like it's something important.

"I don't know why I have to be Joseph" Shane frowns, glancing at me quickly "I mean, I can see why Carmen was cast as Mary... She's all girly and...".

I roll my eyes.

"Don't even try complaining" Jenny steps up beside us "_I _wanted to be Mary! Hell, I would have taken Joseph but no..." she hissed angrily "...I got Sheep Number 2!".

"I was cast as the donkey!" Alice mumbles to herself, padding towards us in an old tatty donkey costume. She has to dip side to side as she walks and I can't help but stifle a laugh.

Alice glares at me and I affectively stop.

"Take lunch everyone" Mrs Calendar adds before walking off into the stage.

"I think it's going to be fun" I muse.

"Fun ..? Fun as in having Colon surgery?" Alice retorted.

"Come on" I smile "Enjoy this, we're young, free, with—".

"Issues" Becky interrupted me, striding by eating a chocolate chunky bar. I threw her a look but she ignored it and smiled back.

"She's got nothing to worry about!" Alice sighed "She's not the one who goes on stage and makes a complete fool of herself!".

"Neither are you, Al" I reply "C'mon, I think you're being a little over-reactive...".

"Yeah" Alice nods "You're soo right, Carm..." she starts walking but then stops and turns around "By the way, we're all here for you in the script where you have to kiss Shane".

My. Heart. Literally. Stopped.

Holy. Shit.

Nobody. Told. Me. About. That.

I glance up and see Shane smirking. Well, what else did I think she would be doing? All she ever does is eat, sleep and breathe sex. Oh, that's good. Mental Note to self: Write book when older.

"Right" I grit my teeth "Excuse me, I have to go... And do something" I run off. Do something? My god, you think I would have had a better excuse but no...

"She digs you" Becky joins me in my half-walk, half-bounce run.

"What?" I raise my eyebrow.

"Shane" Becky rolls her eyes "She totally digs you... But then, you already knew that, didn't you?".

Okay, breathe. What should I do? Start sobbing my life story? Go for sarcasm? Pretend to know nothing (which wouldn't be hard, by the way... I hardly know anything about Shane, she keeps her past private), mock her?

Oh, soo hard... Go for...

"Thank you, Becky... I'll be sure to keep that in mind" ooh, go for the sarcasm...

"I'm not kidding here" Becky starts seriously "I know when people dig each other... It's one of my _many_ talents..." she smirks.

I turn and fold my arms "Really? So, you and Jenny, it's the real deal, right?".

"Jenny and I... It was a one-time thing" Becky replies "'Sides, I can tell she's into Alice... But Alice is still hung up on Dana and Jenny would never do anything to push Alice into something that she's not ready for and—".

"Whoa, hold up" I interrupt "How do you know _all_ this?".

"I told you" Becky shrugged, "I have many talents... Anyway, see ya" she winked at me and then bounced off, spring still in step.

**oOo**

How the hell had I not seen the whole me-kissing-Shane thing in the script? It's usually the first thing I should have looked for, right? We're supposed to be playing the parts of lovers and I didn't even stop to think about a simple kiss. A peck on the cheek. A chaste kiss on the lips. Oh no. It's a full-on, tongues, groping-kiss. Should have known. It was probably the only reason Shane agreed to do this stupid play. The only I reason I agreed was... Well, I wanted something to distract me.

Skipping the dinner line and a few younger annoyed girls, I just grab a box of salad and a bottle of water and go to sit at our table. It's funny how everyone here just has a table. The one you sit in. The one everyone else knows never to go to. Alice and Becky are already there and I smile and sit down across from them.

"What you talking about, girlies?" I ask, opening up my salad box.

"You and Shane" Becky says bluntly.

I roll my eyes. Does this girl never give up?

"Not really you and Shane" Alice tries to rescue herself. Yeah, she fooling no-one "Just... people in general...".

"Who happen to have the hots for each other" Becky smiles.

"Please don't start this again" I say quietly "I'm not in the mood to talk about—".

"Shane!" Alice cries, and I frown and shoot her a look.

"Well yeah, who did you think I was talking about?" I reply.

"Talking about me, Carmen?" Shane slides into the seat next to me and I inwardly groan. God, that has happened to me like a million times. Talk about someone and they're right behind you.

"No" I laugh nervously "No! God, no...".

"We were just talking about the play" Alice decides to save me. Bless her. "How we think in your past life, you were probably a male carpenter".

"Thanks, Al" Shane forces a smile and drums her fingers against the table surface.

"But a hot male carpenter" Becky adds with a smirk "A feminine hot male carpenter".

"I was probably a fish in my past life" Alice muses "Don't know why but I bet I was one of those adventurous fish... Like, those rainbow coloured ones and..." she drones on but I don't really listen. Shane is practically vibrating heat off her body onto mine and I know she's doing it on purpose.

Course, being Shane, she doesn't actually act like anything's wrong.

"I hate this tuna" Shane moans, closing over her tuna salad box. Ever since... Well, ages, the school has started to make us eat more healthy crap. No. I want my pizza back. As a teenager who has her period every month or even less than that, I _need_ my junk food. And they don't have any right to take that away.

"Where's Jenny?" Alice mumbles, glancing over the crowd.

I grow quiet. I don't know where I lie with Jenny. We were talking a few days ago but now she tends to keep herself to herself. And that includes not having any kind of a relationship with us. Or Alice, for that matter.

"We've got that career thing to fill out" Becky says randomly "I mean, you do realise that we're all getting kicked up by the time we turn 18 and they want us in stable jobs before that happens".

My stomach falls. My birthday's months and months away granted but, what will I do if I don't have anyone to fall back on? No job? No flat? No grades? No, I'll find a job before I leave here, save up money, get my grades and leave... Leave... My mouth goes dry. I won't see Shane anymore. What about Alice? Jenny? What about...

"Carmen?" Shane has noticed my dazed look.

"Huh?" I snap my head up, frowning "What? Nothing".

Shane doesn't believe me but I know she'll just squeeze it out of me later on. The bell goes and the hall starts to get up and go to class.

"We've got English" Alice notes, getting her bag "And another essay to finish". We start to leave the dining hall to get to class.

"I think I want a job in hair-dressing" Shane muses "Or even Skate-boarding...".

"I want to be a Fashion designer" Becky grins "I love clothes".

"I've always wanted to write" Alice smiles "I could be a book writer or be a... Journalist".

"What about you, Carm?" Shane asks.

"I don't know" I shrug, "Probably something in music".

Shane smiles and my heart stops. Does she even know what effect she is having on me? What power she holds over my own bodily functions. I muster a vain smile and head towards our English class. Good. We won't have to do much talking except when our teacher is babbling on, and we pretend to have an interest.

I yawn. Prepare for the snooze-fest. My uncertainty about the future is soon forgotten as I take my usual seat next to Shane and wait for the lesson to begin. There'll aways be tomorrow.

I hope.

**oOo**

Sitting up on my bed, I glance out at the dark room and sigh, pondering on whether I should wake Shane or not, but then decide against it. It would be awkward. Too awkward. And I probably couldn't deal with that.

Unfortunately, fate has a way of making things go completely the other way... I hear Shane yawn and sit up, rubbing her face. Okay, now if I just sit here and don't move, don't breathe, then Shane will never know, it's too dark anyway to see. I hear Shane plank her feet down on the floor and my heart starts hammering.

"Carmen?" Shane breathes and I jump a little. "Carmen" Shane laughs and I feel like rolling my eyes. Figures nothing could get past her. I hear her footsteps pad towards me and then her soft warm hands grip my upper arms.

"Wha—" I choke out when I feel Shane hook her legs around my legs and sit on my lap. God, she's so close, pressing her chest to mine, and I can feel her warm breath on my neck. Her arms wrap around my back and I sigh in a complete daze.

"Shane" I gasp, when I feel Shane push me back down into my bed, staying joined at my chest. God, she kills me. Over and over and over and over—Her hand slides down my side to grip my waist. Shane's lips press against my pulse on my neck and now I'm actually trembling.

"We should practice" Shane whispers against my ear, pressing a small kiss on my earlobe.

"Practice?" I mumble weakly.

"For the play" Shane smirks, chuckling with a layer of darkness "The Kiss... We should practice, Carmen...".

"I don't..." I murmur out as Shane begins to move her lips down my neck to my now flustered chest. I feel her forehead pressed against mine and I look up and see her dark lusty eyes staring back at me in the dark. She smiles and moves her hands down to find mine. Linking fingers, she pins my hands to the bed beneath hers and now she has all power over me. Her body pinning mine to the bed and she loves it, I can tell.

It's all a blur as she grinds her pelvis into mine and I bite back a scream. God, she is going to be the death of me. Total death of me.

"Shane, I don't think this is a good idea" I blurt out before I can take it back. I feel her purring against my chest as her lips rub up and down my skin. I go to move but she shoves me back down and suddenly her lips are on mine. My god, I didn't think it would—All thoughts gone as her tongue ravages mine and her lips just keep going. Keep attacking. She presses down and grips my body even harder with hers. I try to pull away to moan but she's not letting me so she ends up swallowing my extremely vibrated shriek.

Eyes on eyes the whole time, I feel her pulling away, for a nanosecond, for air and then her lips are back. Crushing against mine. She's so relentless, I feel like all my energy is being drained away the more she keeps up her attack.

"Sh—Sh—Shane" I mutter, mumble, gasp, everything but Shane doesn't give up. She goes harder, faster, bashing her nimble body against my slightly tired one.

And I give in. There's no point in trying to deny my feelings now. Although I am aware that we have 3 other roommates, Shane does not. I pull back enough to say something but once again, her mouth crashes against mine and she silences me. Her hands are everywhere and just when she edges her fingers through her pyjama bottoms, the lights click on and I hear a shriek.

Shane growls in frustration as I push her off me and look up to see Becky, Jenny and a tired-looking Alice. Looks like they've just woken up. Oops.

"I knew it!" Becky cries triumphantly.

I roll my eyes. Bitch.

"Are you fucking serous!?" Alice yawns "4 in the morning and you chose now to—".

"Got it, Al" Shane snaps, striding into the bathroom and slamming the door shut. I groan inwardly and watch them just stare at me.

I step off the bed and walk towards the bathroom door, opening it gently. Sliding through into the dark room, I close the door behind me and faintly hear Jenny sigh.

* * *

**A/N:**

**Hey, another part finally up!! lol Haven't had as much inspiration lately, mostly because school has been an absolute drag, i hate 4th year. Yuck. They're all official and make you take yourself sooo flipping seriously...**

**Anyway, it's amazing to you readers who kept with this story and reviewed even though I've been a terrible author, big massive thanks and hugs!!**

**x**


	16. Part 15

**Part 15**

**-**

**-**

"I'm sorry" I hear her say softly. "I didn't know that... I thought that... I mean, I didn't wanna put you through anymore drama but I just—I don't know...".

I stand up off the sink and walk towards the door. Something in me snaps and I leave the bathroom and her and walk back into the dorm. How did I get like this? So cynical and sarcastic, and bitter and cold, how could I possibly turn out like this? This was never me. Never.

I grew up, and loved my family, dead and alive. I loved my Spanish friends and I loved Kit. And then I got shipped here, like a parcel you get in the mail, all broken and worn-out from the journey to get here. I hear what you're saying. Shouldn't I just take a chance and let Shane in? I mean, I love her, want everything with her, it's bloody scary but it's true. Don't I deserve to be loved and feel happy and content?

Ignoring Jenny's obvious stare, Alice's snores and Becky's frown, I turn on my heel and speed back into the bathroom, a whole speech in my mind already forming. I'll just say the words. Get them out and hopefully—

"Shane?" I breathe. She's not there. How can she not be there!? I glance around, my heart beating a million miles an hour to find the window open, the cold breeze wrapping around my chest like a blanket wrapped on too tight. I rush to the window and feel myself losing air. We're in the attic. Attic. High-up, can't-get-any-higher-attic. Oh god. If I see Shane dead or hanging herself, that's it. I'm done. Fuck this stupid life.

Thankfully, I don't see Shane. I don't see anything. Nothing. I glance down and notice a pipe. She's climbed down it. Great. She's run away and it's all my fault. Running back into the dorm room, I shove on shoes and a jacket and fly out the door, ignoring my roommate's confused cries. Nearly tripping over the tatty torn stairs, I rush past Causley's old office and shake at the big black doors leading to the exit. The doors come loose and I once again rush out, down the front steps onto the grassy field. Nothing. No Shane. No nothing.

"Shane!" I scream, tears welling in my eyes "Shane!". Oh god, please come back. Please come back. Don't leave me.

Turning around, I start running again. This time, towards the row of offices. Barging into Miss Watters office and seeing her head bent in a book nearly makes me scream.

"What's the matter?" Miss Watters asks, taking off the glasses perched on the end of her nose.

"Shane" I breathe painfully "She's gone, she left, run away, I can't find her—It's—It's all my fault!" right there and then I break down into a million tiny pieces and cry. Damn. I thought I was over this crying-thing already.

As Miss Watters tried to comfort me and send someone else out to find Shane, the numb feeling of dread in the bottom of my stomach wouldn't go away. That feeling that everything wouldn't be alright. Not this time.

_I didn't know it then, I was young and still had some hope. That was the last I saw of Shane for a long time._

**-**

**-**

"Yes" I nod, sipping at my hot tea and staring at nothing in particular. Miss Watters wrote something down on her notebook and went back to talking to the police. 2 hours later and still no sign of Shane. Or Jenny, Becky or Alice for that matter. They must have figured something was wrong... But a part of me is glad they're not here, their presence would just be a reminder of how it's my fault Shane ran away. And my fault, she's probably not coming back.

I'm not fooling myself. When Shane does something, she makes up her mind, there's no going back. There's a slim chance she'll come back but I'm trying to prepare myself for when the police turn around and say they've got nothing. No evidence. Nothing. Then they'll whisper and mutter something about how cursed this place is and walk off, shaking their heads.

God, this is so weird. I thought I was getting somewhere. Somewhere better. Somewhere different with Shane. I thought things were changing. I thought she had _changed_. I want her to. I want her to lie with me and tell me everything's going to be alright, even when it's not. And I want her to want all those things with me but, knowing Shane, she's not much for the commitment side of things. She hates marriage and her motto is '_kill yourself before you become whipped_' crude and Shane, I know. To keep myself from worrying about where she is, I turn and make myself focus on something else.

A poster is lying on Miss Watters desk and once again, everything reminds me of Shane. It's the Christmas Play poster, the one where everyone is practically made to get stuck in. Except Becky, she has her ways... Shane was there when—Stop thinking about Shane. This isn't helping, my god. Miss Watters bends down and whispers something about the police trying to find her and that I should get some sleep. Ha. That'd be right. Still, I get up and walk towards the stairs I had once flew down in a blind flush of panic. Walking into the dorm is easy, it's been two hours already and everyone is asleep. Nearly tripping towards my bed isn't easy and neither is coming face to face with Shane's bed. It still smells like her. I let myself give in and crash down into her warm scent and cold bed. Wrapping myself in the covers, I close my eyes and try to pretend she's here.

**-**

**-**

Blinking back the light of the stage and crowd, I walk on with Joseph following close behind. The stage is laid out neatly, chairs with fake straw and other girls dressed up in fake animal costumes. An angel is standing by the side of the stage, ready to say her lines. But, mine come first. Unfortunately. "We need a place to stay" I say firmly, not too loud, not too quiet.

"There is no room at the Inn" I hear her say. Turning to my Joseph, I sigh "We need to make room for the baby of Jesus, the son of God". Joseph nods "Yes, my wife is dear with child, the fate of the world rests on our son's shoulders, we must have room".

"There is a stable at the back of the Inn" the girl replies "Go there. You can stay the night".

"Thank you" I smile and follow Joseph around to the fake straw and stuffed animals. Gee, this _real_ fun.

**-**

**-**

"This is the son of God" I hold the plastic doll in my arms and then hand the doll to Joseph. The curtains are about to close so everybody on stage comes out and takes a bow as the crowd of female teachers and laughing girls over-take my ears. They applaud and we bow once more, watching as the curtain falls over to shield us. I sigh relief and slump back into a chair. Joseph takes off his fake beard and I see the artist formally known as Alice. She smiles politely and sits down beside me. I smile back. Or try too.

"You were good" I whisper.

Alice nods "Thanks, you too... Just glad it's over, y'know? All that rehearsing was beginning to be a pain in the butt!".

"Dunno" I shrug "Don't mind the distraction...".

"Mhmm" Alice hummed, reaching out to stroke my back. It's a comforting gesture that means more than it should.

"Carmen, you need to stop this" Alice sighs "Shane is gone, okay? She's gone, she's not coming back... She can't, Carm... It's not in her, once her mind is made up, it's made up... No-one can change that, babe... You've got to let it go and move on, hurting yourself won't help you, trust me, I know...".

"I don't know if I _can_ let go" tears begin to swell in my eyes again.

"Carmen, it's been two months!" Alice nearly yells at me "The police found nothing, okay? She's not coming back!...".

I start crying now and Alice pulls me into her. "She's not coming back..." she whispered again softly.

Alice is right. It's been two months and I've heard nothing. Every little moment more is breaking my heart. Keeping myself busy with my grades, Christmas play, credit-grade projects, it's all just been a way of avoiding my feelings. Shane left me. And she's not coming back.

"Come on" Alice pulls me up "It's Christmas Day, we've got to get changed for Christmas Dinner, I hear they make a lovely toasted turkey...".

I laugh and let her pull me away. She's right. I can't dote on Shane any longer.

I've got to let her go.

**-**

**-**

**6 MONTHS LATER**

It was a bright sunny morning. I was out sun-bathing on top of the roof with Papi, Becky and Jenny when Alice rushed in, breathing tight and eyes pained. My heart raced at the thought of news about Shane but a part of me knew it wouldn't be about that. "The building evaluation" Alice wheezed, gripping her hip "The test results came back positive, it's infected with poison and we'll have to move... building!".

"What?" I shriek "What if..." Shane comes back and finds us gone!? Alice gives me a tiny little look and I immediately remember. Right. Shane's not coming back. How could I even have thought she would come back, all she does is look out for number one...

"We have to collect some boxes from downstairs and start packing" Alice added "The van comes next week, we're all moving to the city! A school in the city! How cool is that?".

I force a smile and follow them out to start packing. My head races but all I can think about is Shane. Packing her stuff away in three boxes 7 months ago was hard but packing my own stuff from another place, another place that Shane knows nothing about... I feel like shouting and screaming and refusing to go but it's no use. My grades are finally up and I'm getting a scholarship for University. I should be thrilled, right? My future is secure and I'm meeting Kit for lunch next month. Things are looking up for me. What I can't help but worry about is Shane. What about her future and her life and her—Stop it Carmen!

My thoughts then head towards Alice. Dana's grave is just out by the lake. It's really pretty, she was out there couple times a week, planting flowers, taking out weeds, keeping Dana's headstone clean. How can she leave that behind? I won't ask her. I can't. It's too painful. But she moved on from Dana like I did with Shane so there's hope for us all yet, right?

Even now, as I pack what little things belong to me and me only, doubts and worries start to creep in. Like they always do. Insecurities always get the best of us, we don't want them too but somehow, somewhere, they always find a way of ruining what little blissful happiness we have. I look over and smile at Alice quickly before continuing to pack. Maybe this is what I need. A fresh start. A new beginning. A new surrounding from this castle. A new place where I can recreate myself. Without Shane. I want somewhere with Shane though. So badly, I would trade everything just to see her again. Touch her. Feel her. Hold her.

Like Alice said, next week we're all moving and everything bad that happened here will be left behind. Everything that made us cry and laugh and love and feel will be gone. And all we'll have is an empty new building and fresh ideas.

**-**

**-**

_And still, nothing's any better._

* * *

**A/N:**

**Hey, hope you all like the direction I'm going in now, don't worry, Shane's coming back, of course! )**

**x**


	17. Author's Note

Hey

So I know i've been pretty non-exsistant for the past.... something months and I whole-heartedly apologise. My internet was taken away but i've now got it back! I can't tell you just how happy that makes me, i've missed the world of cyber fanfiction! So before I start this story back up, I think I'll need time to read it over and decide where I want to go from there.

I just want to say a big thanks to all who still reviewed even though I've been a terrible author.

Lots of love,

PrincessVampire.x


	18. Part 16

**Part 16**

*****

I found her out by Dana's grave. Sitting there, knees bunched up and hair a mess. She was crying silently and muttering something I couldn't make out. I came closer, my converses stained with mud. She knew I was there and wouldn't raise her head. That's okay, I didn't need her too. I could see the lines of regret and tiredness in her body position. Going closer once more, I held my breath. _Tread carefully_, I reminded myself.

I was now inches away from her shaken form. Her breathing had gotten heavier. Wincing, I reached out and placed my hand on her back. She didn't jump up or push me away so I was just happy with that.

Then I heard that voice I hadn't heard for so, so, long.

"Carmen".

I tensed and spun around. I pursed my lips and folded my arms.

"Shane".

*****

**2 Days Ago**

*****

"I can't leave her!" Alice screeched "I just can't! I don't even know why we're leaving to go to a new stupid fucking building, why, fucking why!?".

"Alice!" I grabbed hold of her arms and shook her gently, "Alice, Dana was gone a long, long, time ago, okay? She's always gonnah be with you, I promise".

This was the 5th time Alice had started to freak out about leaving Dana's grave behind here. Everything here was practically packed up and the vans had already come to pick up the larger stuff but another van was coming in a couple of days for our smaller stuff.

"I've got some vodka" Becky piped up, "If you want" she quickly added.

I turn and glare at Becky, "Not helping" I growled. I'd never usually turn down alcohol but from experience, it probably wouldn't help.

"Guys, I need your opinion" Jenny waltzed into the room, holding two pairs of thongs. She waved the red pair in our faces and then the yellow.

"Never and never" Becky pouted.

Jenny glared, "Why!? What's wrong with them?".

"Can you say whore?" I added, turning quickly back to Alice.

"But I am a whore!" Jenny whined, "I mean, that's like saying to Barbie, 'don't love ken' cause y'know, she _does_ love Ken".

"Oh please" Becky rolled her eyes, "We all know that Ken used to be a chick called Kim".

"That's true" Jenny nodded, holding up the red pair in front of her.

Alice began to laugh.

*****

"I'm sorry" I stood, "But how many boxes do you actually need?" I watched Becky pop up another box.

"So I have a lot of stuff" Becky shrugged.

"Mostly sex toys and alcohol?" Jenny pondered.

"Pretty much" Becky nodded.

"Becky, come help me chose!" Jenny appeared from the bathroom doorway. Becky laughed and followed Jenny back into the bathroom.

I smirked and went over to sit next to Alice. "Hey" I nudged her gently, "You okay?".

"Yeah" Alice nodded slowly. There was silence between us for a long time until I heard her whisper, "Do you ever think about her?".

I knew exactly who she was talking about.

"Dana?" I frowned, "Course, lots of time, usually when we're doing sports and—".

"Carmen" Alice cuts me off, "You know _who_ I'm talking about".

Suddenly, the little bit of string that has came undone on my shirt becomes of great interest. "Sometimes" I mumble, head low, wanting this to be over as quickly as possible. Oh please, please, let it be over.

"I bet she thinks about you" Alice whispered back, "All the time".

My head shoots up. This, I find _impossible_ to believe. Because if Shane really cared about me or thought about me at all, she would come back and let me know she was at least, I don't know, _alive_.

"Carmen" Alice smiled, "You're doing that face that says you're totally talking to yourself in your head again".

"Sorry" I laugh feebly, "Old habit, can't be helped".

"I'm telling you—" Becky emerged from the bathroom with Jenny, "—The red one suits you _completely_".

"Really?" Jenny frowned, "Because, I don't know, yeah, red is a confident colour but at the same time, yellow is bright and alive".

"Red is the colour of love" Becky said with a happy smile.

"Oh please" I roll my eyes, "Red is the colour of lust, love is something that happens when you're so incredibly happy, your heart feels devoted to one person alone until you realise that person is a commitment-phobic whore, of course" I smile wryly.

"I'm so glad you're over Shane" Becky smiled falsely, "You're so lucky you haven't let it affect you at all!".

"Sarcasm?" I smirk, "Ohh, you got me there".

"Okay, guys stop, please" Alice stood, "Can we just not bite each other's heads off, please? Let's just finish this damn packing".

And with that, and another eye roll from Becky, we went back to packing in silence.

*****

I dreamt about her that night. For the first time in months, I _actually_ dreamt about her. We were walking through fields, and I kept trying to talk to her but every time she would look away and then run. I would never find her again.

I woke in a sweat. About to go sneak into the kitchen to make some coffee, I glanced over to Dana's bed and found she was gone. Checking the bathroom, and the other beds, I concluded she must also be in the kitchen. She wasn't there when I looked. She wasn't anywhere. Then it clicked. Of course. There was only one place she could be.

I pried the doors open and the cold air hit me. Wearing an over-sized purple top and baggy joggies, with nothing but my worn-out converses, I braved the cold wind. Getting closer, I could almost see her figure, sitting by Dana's grave. Once I was yards away, I knew it was her. But somewhere new happened. I realised I hadn't been out in this field for ages. This field where I spent my second day here outside in the freezing cold because we had all got drunk, this field where Cal—his name makes me want to throw up. Before I'd even reached Alice, the flashbacks started and I felt dizzy.

"_**That's it!" Cal announces, agitated "Stand up, now!".**_

I feel weak now. I try open my mouth to shout Alice but no sound comes out. I try stumble forwards and end up collapsing on my knees.

_**Cal shakes his head "Nobody crosses me, nobody!".**_

I turn my head and end up throwing up. I feel sick to my stomach and hear footsteps approach me. My heart starts hammering. It's him, isn't it? He's back from the dead to finish me off...

"Carmen!" Alice grips my shoulders, "Are you okay?".

I begin to shake uncontrollably. My memories pull me back there again.

_**Oh no. Slow-motion again. He raises the gun, clicks it into place. My heart races and I grip hands with Dana.**_

_**He's yelling, shouting, near tears... No-one can reason with him now, he's too gone... Out of it—**_

_**5...**_

_**Don't think, Carmen. Run!**_

_**4...**_

_**Shane'll be fine.**_

_**3...**_

_**Alice'll be fine.**_

_**2...**_

_**Jenny'll be fine.**_

_**1...**_

_**Bang**__**.**_

"_**Dana!".**_

"Dana!" I scream, my throat raw. The next thing I know, everything goes black.

*****

When I wake up, I'm in the nurse's room. Alice is sitting across from me, reading a magazine. I sigh and sit up. She looks up and smiles.

"Finally" Alice smiles, "What took you so long?".

"What happened?" I take a glass of water she offers me and swallow it down.

"I went to visit Dana's grave and heard someone throw up behind me" Dana smiles sadly, "I turn around and find you shaking, scared, then you passed out".

"How did I get back here?" I frown.

"I practically dragged you back" Dana bites her lip, "Then I went and woke the nurse. She said it sounded like shock, so I should just leave you to wake up".

"Thanks for dragging me back here" I smiled weakly.

"That's okay" Alice reached out to hug me, "So what happened back there?".

"I flashbacked" I sighed, "To Dana and..." I can't even bring myself to say his name.

Alice tensed and looked down.

"Sorry" I mumble.

Alice pulled me back in for another hug. "It's okay, I miss her too". My body felt weak but I was glad to have Alice hugging me. And for the rest of the time we stayed in the nurse's office, the silence was addictive.

*****

Making my way up to the dorm with Alice in front of me, it had hit me. So I had issues with what happened there with Dana but with so much shit going on, I must have just buried it way and tried to pretend. Now every time I think of Dana's grave, I think of that field and where she died. Which is really crappy, because I was planning to say goodbye to her before the van and bus and whatever the fucking else is coming to take us to our new building.

Opening the door, I feel shocked. Everything in here is well and truly packed up. All I left out was a worn-out pair of jeans and a blue baggy top for today. Dragging myself out of my pyjamas and throwing on a fresh bra, I changed and decided to roll my hair into a messy bun. Automatically I shoved my pyjamas into one of my cardboard boxes and sat back down on my bed.

Jenny was still fretting over which thong to wear and Becky was trying to decide if she wanted to wear her 2-inch skirt or her 3-inch skirt. Can you tell which one she went with? Yep, my thoughts exactly. Donning a red _belt_ practically, she pranced about in black boots and a white shirt that couldn't have been buttoned lower. Alice just went for her casual jeans and a top.

I knew we weren't leaving until night so I choose to sleep at this time. I heard the dorm door open and close a couple times so I guess somebody either left or came back but I couldn't be bothered looking as my body mustn't have gotten enough rest when I passed out because all I remember is my eyes shutting close as soon as my head hit the pillow.

And this time, I didn't dream of her.

I didn't dream of anything.

*****

Okay, that's a lie. I just couldn't remember most of it at first. I dreamt I was swimming in this clear cool beautiful river, and on either side were thousands of flowers and green-coloured plants and exotic trees. The sun was shining and there wasn't a cloud in the sky. Friendly fish swam under me (okay, I know it's a little kid-dish but it's not like I can control my dreams, right?), and lily-pads were left right and centre. Then something bad happened. The sky darkened and thunder and lightning broke out, the friendly fish disappeared and all the exotic plant life started to die away.

What's worse was I felt myself going under. Right under. I was drowning. I felt myself running out of breath but luckily must of fell out of bed from moving about so much because next thing I know, I'm on the floor next to my bed, the covers still wrapped around me. Yep, my breathing's just as shallow and heavy as in my dream. I glance at the clock and see that it's 6.14pm. Well, that explains why nobody else is in the dorm. They must be getting food. 6pm is the hotspot for food.

Pulling myself out of bed, I stumble down the stairs and find practically everyone in the dining hall, eating. I make my way through to our usual table and plonk myself down in front of Becky and Jenny. Alice is sitting next to me and has her head lowered down. She must still be feeling raw from the situation of leaving Dana's grave behind.

"When do the buses come?" I ask, my voice dry probably because I was speaking the first time since I had woken up.

"9 I think" Becky replied, mouth full of pasta.

"Great" I say meekly.

"Y'know, I never really knew how much I'm gonnah miss this place" Jenny blurted out, gazing around the dining hall, "I have so many memories here".

"Me too" Alice sighed painfully.

"I can't wait to leave this dump" Becky added in.

"What about you, Carmen?" Jenny asked me.

I frowned. I'm sad to be leaving this place because a) it's got my only memories of Shane and b) it's the first place I've ever really felt at home in, except from Kit's. But, I suppose, moving away will help me get over Shane once and for all. It's not what I want but it's the only option I got.

I shrug, "Suppose something new would be nice, change of scenery".

Alice breathed in deeply, "I'm going get some fresh air" she stood and walked away.

"Poor thing" Becky pouted, "She hasn't been right at all recently" she turned to Jenny, "Why do you think that is?".

I shook my head and rolled my eyes. Is she fucking kidding? I stood and walked away, leaving them to ponder their little Barbie Girl head's away. Walking out of the dining hall, I felt relieved. It was quieter in the corridors and I could think better.

"Carmen" a voice called me.

I spun around and saw Papi running towards me. "Hey" she smiled, a little breathless, "I saw you leaving, I wanted to talk to you".

"Yeah?" I replied.

"I'm leaving" Carmen smiled again, "When we get to the city, I'm leaving for a job at a Magazine's, receptionist".

"What?" I gaped, "Papi, that's... That's amazing... What about your exams?".

"My results from my prelims were good enough" Papi shrugged, "I'll just use them but I really want this job and the school is going to try get me a flat and they said they'd pay for half the rent! Can you believe that!?".

I found myself hugging Papi again, "Oh my god, this is just... Wow, it's a little overwhelming but I'm really happy for you, Papi".

"Thanks Carmen" Papi replied, "It's just... I wanted to tell that in case I don't get a chance to say it again, thank you for everything".

I'm stunned. "Thank you?" I laughed, "For what?".

"For making me a better person, Carmen" Papi beamed, "I mean it, you changed me".

"God!" I struggle to fight back tears and pull her in for another hug.

"I better go" Papi pulls away, "Got last minute packing to do" she laughs, "You're a special person, Carmen, never forget that".

I watch her turn and walk away. My feet take me towards the doors and I'm suddenly walking the field, ready to face my fears. Fuck my issues and fuck Cal. He can go to hell. I'm going to say goodbye to Dana and someone else.

*****

I found her out by Dana's grave. Sitting there, knees bunched up and hair a mess. She was crying silently and muttering something I couldn't make out. I came closer, my converses stained with mud. She knew I was there and wouldn't raise her head. That's okay, I didn't need her too. I could see the lines of regret and tiredness in her body position. Going closer once more, I held my breath. _Tread carefully_, I reminded myself.

I was now inches away from her shaken form. Her breathing had gotten heavier. Wincing, I reached out and placed my hand on her back. She didn't jump up or push me away so I was just happy with that.

Then I heard that voice I hadn't heard for so, so, long.

"Carmen".

I tensed and spun around. I pursed my lips and folded my arms.

"Shane".

There she was. In all her skinny glory. Hair still sticking out in all the right places, wearing black skinny jeans and baby shams. Her silver waist-coat clung to her body and she was looking as smug and confident as ever.

Alice had gotten up from Dana's grave to stand beside me, looking probably as shocked as I am.

But then, my eyes drifted. Not over Shane's body or her eyes, but the petite red-head girl who was standing next to her.

* * *

**Author's Note:**

**Hey, thanks again to all readers who are still sticking with this story, very much appreciated (:**

**Hope you enjoy the new part and the ending ;)**

**ps - all spelling mistakes will be fixed tomorrow :)**

**x**


	19. Part 17

**Part 17**

*****

"How have you been?" she asked me, careful not to meet my eyes but I could tell she was studying my face, my reaction. The red-head standing next to her was keeping absolutely still.

If it wasn't for the fact that my body had rooted itself to the spot from shock, I'd have slapped myself over and over to make sure I wasn't hallucinating. My mouth wouldn't open and inside, my heart thudded and thumped against my chest. Blood rushed to my head and I could almost see me passing out again.

"Shane!? What the fuck...!?".

"Oh my god!".

From the distance, I could hear Jenny and... Becky? Finally looking away from Shane, I turned and saw Jenny and Becky marching towards us. Jenny looked pissed. Becky looked amused, a slight smile turned into the corners of her mouth.

"What the fuck do you think you're doing here!?" Jenny screamed at Shane and I grabbed her back from going any closer.

"Jenny" Shane began, moving closer, "Let me explain, I freaked out and left, and I'm so sorry but I couldn't handle it anymore, my feelings for Carmen—" wow, left me a little shocked, I gotta say, "—But now I'm back because I want to make amend with things, I've grown up".

Jenny scoffed as Becky eyed the red-head.

"Who's she?" Becky asked, eyebrow raised.

"Becky!" Alice hissed.

"I'm Joanie" the red-haired girl smiled.

"Take it you're Shane's new girlfriend?" Jenny barked.

"No, she's not" Shane said defensively, "I get it, you're mad but Joanie has nothing to do with this".

"So you know about us leaving then?" Alice says quietly. This is all new territory. New grounds.

"Huh?" Shane frowns.

"The building was tested positive for asbestos" Becky explained, "We're all moving to a new place tonight".

"Where?" Shane looks shocked.

"Somewhere in the city" Alice replies.

"I didn't know" Shane murmurs.

"Oh well thank god you didn't miss us!" Jenny says sarcastically. She turns to me, "Carmen, we've still got some packing to do, coming?".

I nod and let her pull me away. I heard Alice very briefly, "I'm glad to have you back".

"Thanks Alice" Shane replies, her tone saddened.

"Me too" Becky finally admits, "It was getting a little boring around here".

I can't hear anymore as me and Jenny are too far away.

"How dare she come back here after all this time!?" Jenny roared.

I still haven't said one single word since I saw Shane but now, I opened my mouth, "Jenny, I'd rather just forget all about this and just get on with my life".

"Like that's possible" Jenny scoffed, "Not while she's back" she led me inside the castle and away from the air cold, harsh air.

And the award for Best Enthusiast goes to...

*****

"Shane's away to see Mrs Watters" Becky said as she walked into the dorm, "Joanie and Alice went with her" she sat down next to me and waited.

"That's very good" I said sarcastically and continued packing up.

"So did she happened to mention where the hell she's been for the past 7 and a half months?" Jenny snapped, still clearly annoyed.

Becky shrugged, "She mentioned something about joining some stoners and then meeting Joanie, they survived on their own in the back of a broken down truck for a couple months but then decided to come back here".

"Aren't we blessed?" Jenny rolled her eyes, standing up and walking into the bathroom.

"Stop it!" I blurted out, causing Becky to freeze and Jenny to walk back into the dorm, "I said enough!" I roared, "Do you hear me!? If either one of you mentions Shane's name again, I swear to God, it won't just be Dana's grave out there!".

I take a step back. I don't know what happened, I just snapped. Jenny looked shocked, and as for Becky, I think she was mildly annoyed I had screamed at her.

"Got it" Jenny nods, going back to packing. Becky just stands there. My legs are moving, I think. Towards the door.

"Where are you going?" Becky asked.

"To get some air" I call over my shoulder and step down the stairs.

"Carmen!" a little voice calls me. I spin around and see Joanie, smiling as she walks up to me, carrying a bunch of books.

"Oh, hey, Joanie" I say awkwardly, or try not to but it comes out like that anyway.

"I'm also enrolled in here!" she giggles, "How cool is that?" she gestures to the tons of books she has.

"That's... great" I smile tensely.

Suddenly, while Joanie was trying to pick one up from the middle, they all fall down in-between us.

"Oops, I'm such a klutz!" she says and we both bend down to pick them up at the same time.

"Me too" I smile and help her gather the books from the floor.

"Carmen?" her innocent voice asks.

"Yep?" I look up.

Joanie reaches over and grips my wrist, pulling me close to her. She's really hurting me now and I—

"If you ever speak badly about Shane again" she hisses, her voice laced with vemon, "I'll kill you" my heart starts thudding, "That goes for your friends too..." she giggles quietly and then leans in to place her lips against the raging pulse on my neck, "Stay away from Shane" her lips move against my skin and then she pulls back and plasters a happy fake smile across her face.

"I really do need to learn to be less ditzy" she laughs once again and stands, holding her books. "See you Carmen" she walks off, leaving me crouched down on the floor.

I have no idea what the fuck just happened.

*****

"Psycho at 11!" I crash through the dorm doors but go quiet when I see Shane with Alice, Jenny and Becky.

"Huh?" Becky frowns.

"Nothing" I mumble and walk towards my bed. A second later, Joanie enters, still holding her books.

"Oh good" Shane smiles, "I was just about to go looking for you".

Joanie smiles smugly and goes to sit next to Shane, "This place is so big, you could easily get lost" she tucks a strand of her red hair behind her ear and _giggles_.

The sound makes me want to _vomit_.

"Ow!" I suddenly jump up. I don't know where the fuck I'm going with this but let's see, shall we?

"What?" Jenny frowns.

"Something's in my eye!" I squeal, wincing my eyes up, "Can someone come check it in the bathroom, _please_?".

Jenny stands and I also motion Becky. She takes the hint right away and follows us into the bathroom. Closing the door shut, I let my eyes go back to normal.

"What was that all about?" Becky whispers.

"That girl is a psycho!" I hiss out, "She practically man-handled me"—Jenny rolled her eyes, which I ignored—"And told me to tell you that we've to stop saying stuff about Shane and that I've to stay away from Shane otherwise she'll kill me".

"What?" Becky cried, heading for the door, but I stopped her.

"No, guys" I whispered, "This is serious, I think she may be genuinely crazy, I'm so pissed off, I just wanna hit her!".

A knock at the door made us all jump.

"Guys?" it was Shane, "Carmen, you okay?".

"Yeah" I called, "It was just an eyelash, silly me!" I turned to Becky and Jenny, and whispered; "We're not gonnah be over-ruled by this psychotic bitch, understood? Let's do this Jenny-style".

Jenny smirked as Becky laughed. Becky opened the door and we all walked out, smart smiles plastered over our faces. I picked up my soda juice and walked by Becky, eyeing her.

Becky held her foot out and I _stumbled_ over it, throwing the juice all over Joanie. "Oops" I stood back, "I'm just such a klutz sometimes" giving her my best fake smile I could find, she simply looked back at me. I gave her a wink and leaned in close to her ear, pretending to reach for a towel behind her, "Threaten me again" I hissed, "And _I'll_, kill, _you_".

I walked back to my bed, Jenny and Becky joining me. Out of the corner of my eye, I could see one thing only. Not Alice rushing to help Joanie or even Joanie's angry and screwed-up face, but Shane, leaning against the dorm door, smirking.

*****

"So em, I was hoping we could talk" I heard her voice behind me. Inches away from me and I froze. She was right behind me and I struggled to move.

"What do we have to talk about?" I continued making my bed, ignoring her.

She sighed, "Carmen, we have a lot to talk about".

"Are you sure that'd be okay with Joanie?" I spun around. It was unusual that we'd get time alone but somehow we did. She was inches away now, her breath on my cheek.

"What?" Shane screwed her face up.

"Your psycho girlfriend threatened to kill me if I didn't stay away from you!" I ranted.

"Joanie's not my... She wouldn't..." Shane trailed off.

"How much do you really know about her?" I pressed.

Shane was obviously at a loss for words. "Look, I'll talk to her" she muttered, "What I really wanted to talk to you about was us".

"Oh what us, Shane?" I laughed bitterly, "We've been nothing but bad for each other... I drove you away and you drove me to alcohol!" I cry, "I was fucking non-existent for the first couple of months after you left! You completely left me a fucking mess!".

Tears welled in Shane's eyes, "Carmen... I—I'm such a fucking screw-up and I regret a lot of things but the one thing I'll never regret is us".

"Stop saying us!" I growl.

Shane looked down and sighed, "Nothing's ever simple for us, is it?" she whispered, letting a few tears fall from her beautiful eyes.

"No" I let out a breath, "It's not".

"I missed you" she whispered.

I nodded, unable to reply.

"Why?" I hissed, "Why... Why leave me? What did I do wrong?".

"It wasn't you, Carmen" Shane gripped my shoulders, "I swear, it was all me! Fucking messed-up me! It's all my fault! I just... I love you so much it hurt to breathe and I got scared and ran away... I'm sorry".

To be fair, it did seem like she had grown up a lot. More than a lot. She had totally matured. Maybe I could—No, stop it Carmen.

Shane inched closer and my heart started to thud. "I haven't held you in so long" Shane whispered, leaning in. "I haven't felt your lips on mine since forever" her voice sounded pained. I had to hold myself back from throwing her on my bed and... eh, well, let's just leave it there.

"You left me Shane" I let tears fall from my eyes, "You left me and it killed me, I don't know if I can ever forgive you".

"I know" Shane nodded her head sadly.

"And I moved on, dammit" I hissed, "I fucking moved on, Shane!".

"I'll always follow you home" Shane said quietly.

"I wish I could believe that" I smiled sadly, "But I can't and I'm sorry".

Just then, the door opened and Alice and Becky came in. Me and Shane broke apart and I quickly wiped my tears away.

"The bus has just arrived" Alice said, looking back and forth between me and Shane.

"Great" I looked around the plain, empty room and felt a little sad. All my memories were here, the good ones and the bad and now... I was leaving them all behind.

We all piled out of the dorm room and I gave it one last emotional look to find Dana, sitting on her bed, smiling. She burst into a wide grin. I smiled back. She slowly faded away but her presence would always be with me, that much I knew.

"See you round" I whispered and closed the door after me.

* * *

**Author's Note:**

Hello, next part up, lemme know what you think, I'm really glad we're out of the boarding school and they can have a new fresh start somewhere else lol progression and all that :)

x


	20. Part 18

**Part 18**

*****

The bus ride was really quite long. I felt myself drifting in and out of sleep. We took the back row of the big bus. I was sitting beside Becky and Jenny and Shane was sitting across from me with Alice and Joanie. Joanie had kept surprisingly silent; refusing to even look at me, so I guess Shane has already talked to her.

I didn't know how long we'd been driving but as I looked out the window, I saw the sky was slowly lighting up. Dawn?

"Sleep well?" a voice asked.

I jumped and looked forwards to see Shane, staring at me, Joanie against her shoulder and Alice pressed the bus window, both asleep. Everyone was practically asleep except from a quiet hush down the front of the bus.

"No" I admitted, trying to keep my eyes from reaching Joanie's figure. I think that if I see something like this again, I may die. I was mad at Shane yeah but I would hate to see her with another girl. Like I did before. That was seriously fucked up.

"Am I gonnah lose you?" Shane whispered.

"You lost me when I lost you" I whispered back.

"Carmen, I hate myself, really, you have no idea, I really hate myself for hurting you but, I think it'll kill me if I lost you completely" Shane sighed, "I realise that, you know... Nothing will ever happen between us again but I couldn't lose you as a friend as well... I trust you with my life".

As much as it pains me to admit this, Shane's right. I'm not able to forgive her completely but I know I couldn't live without her in my life.

"You're still gonnah be my friend" I smile weakly, "Just, not somebody I tell everything".

She nodded slowly and picked at her jeans.

"I think I need the bathroom", I stood and walked to the middle of the bus, going down the small section of stairs to a very cramped door. I opened it but felt footsteps behind me. I turned and saw Shane.

"Carmen, can we talk some more?" she asked.

"Shane, I really have to pee" I whispered desperately. Suddenly, the bus jerked forwards and me and Shane went backwards together into the tiny cramped toilet. I tried to get up but Shane closed the door behind us before I could reach it.

"One minute please" Shane pleaded. I tried not to notice how enclosed me and Shane were. This toilet was literally the size of a very tall, thin cardboard box. And there wasn't even a sink in here. Ew.

"Fine, hurry up" I sighed. Anything so I could just pee!

"I'll try" Shane said quickly, "I'll try to be a friend, talk and make jokes but when it comes to other girls and dating..." she tensed, "Nobody's ever gonnah be good enough for you, certainly not me I know... But nobody will ever love you as much as I do".

I went silent.

"Sorry" Shane tried to turn around and opened the door but it wouldn't budge. My heart started racing. Oh no.

"It's not opening!" Shane cursed aloud.

"Lemme try" I squeezed around Shane—and mentally hit myself for feeling warm and tingly inside when her body was pressed against mine—and tried the doorknob. It was stuck well good. Wouldn't move an inch.

"Shit" I sighed.

"This lack of space isn't really helping the friend thing" Shane growled in frustration.

"I know" I said back but there wasn't really much room to move about.

"We could try call for help" Shane shrugged.

"Everyone's asleep" I hissed, "Plus the engine makes a fucking big noise every time it goes over something and in case you haven't noticed, this is a bumpy road!".

"I guess we wait till the morning" Shane shrugged.

Easy for her to say. "I can't stand all night" I sighed.

"Okay" Shane wrapped her arms around me and jerked me into her. She pushed my legs up around her hips and then proceeded to sit down, me, still, on top of her. Wow. Can you say sexual tension? Sitting on top of one another was the only fucking way we could both sit down on this stupid cramped floor.

Shane, on the other hand, was bloody marvelling at her luck! She smirked as I tried to get her to let go of her extra tight grip she had on me.

"Shane" I growled, "Not helping".

Shane sighed as well and let go of my arms. She fucking then placed them on my hips! "Shane" I hissed, pushing her hands away, "Stop it, you said—".

"I know, I'm sorry" Shane cut me off, "I'll behave, it's just..." she bit her lip. I knew exactly what she was thinking and it'd be a lie to say I didn't think it too.

"I know" I closed my eyes, "This is so fucking hard".

I could tell Shane was getting turned on by the way she was avoiding my face, tensing her body and biting her lip so hard it might bleed. I was so tired, I barely cared. All I wanted was sleep. And Shane.

"Let's play a game" Shane suddenly smirked.

"What?" I was weary.

"We kiss" she began—my heart started going—"And whoever can keep their hands off touching the other person the longest wins".

"Wins what?" I narrowed my eyes.

Shane shrugged, "Dunno, a title?" she laughed.

"Not a good idea" I shook my head.

"Come on" Shane smirked, "Friends play games, right?".

Before I could reply, she had leapt at me and pushed me up against the small bathroom door.

"No hands" I smiled. I didn't know where my confidence was coming from.

Shane smirked; "I haven't kissed you yet, silly" she let go of me and leaned in. I opened my mouth to protest but she pounced and started a ravaging attack on my mouth, kissing me so hard I thought I might bruise. My hands were forced behind my back by Shane's and she never let up for air to let me talk. I was her plaything. I wasn't complaining of course, Shane was just so damn sexy I didn't care anymore.

She found my eyes and continued kissing me, slowly, seductively. She started kissing down my neck and my breathing got heavier. A lot heavier. My tank-top was getting pulling over my head and Shane tensed, paused then started her attack on my chest.

"Do you know how long I've wanted to touch you?" Shane growled, kissing my motioned chest, "God, why did we have to be so stupid?".

"I ... eh ..." I couldn't think straight as Shane started to unbutton my jeans. She kissed her way up my body and found my lips. Her hands still on my wrists, she held them tighter. "I would let you go if I thought you weren't going to push me away" Shane smirked.

"Scared of rejection?" I said breathlessly as I felt Shane slide my jeans down my thighs. Shane chuckled darkly as I felt her hand brushing against my girl boxers. My wrists were free, sore, but free but I found I couldn't move them.

"Tell me you don't want this and I'll stop" Shane smiled. She smiled because she knew I wouldn't be able to say stop. All I wanted was more.

And then the door opened. Oh yes, at that precise moment, the fucking door opened and Jenny looked down on a semi-naked me. I blushed and quickly pulled my jeans back up. Shoving my tank-top over my head, I glanced to Shane, who's eyes were going dark, the darkest I've ever seen them before.

"I..." Jenny spluttered. She turned and walked away and left behind all my pride and dignity.

*****

God, tell me that didn't just happen. It did, didn't it? I glanced over to Shane, who was looking rigid. I reached out to touch her but she grabbed my wrist from going any further.

"Don't" Shane growled, "If you touch me, I might not be able to control myself".

Shivers went down my spine as she let go of my wrist.

"What a great way to end the night" I muttered, sighing.

*****

The bus jerked forwards and I knew immediately that we'd stopped. It was still half dark as I looked out the bus window. It was so much different. Gone were the trees and nature and hello were the dark skies and tall buildings.

I let a deep breath out and tried not to look at Shane. But this _was_ going to happen. _Change_. We weren't at the country side anymore. We were in the city. And you know what they say...

Only the strongest survive.

* * *

_Author's Note:_

_Heyy thanks to everyday who reviewed recently and i hope you enjoy this. Sorry it was a bit shorter than usual but i felt it was the right place to stop._

_xxx_


	21. Part 19

**Part 19**

*****

Huh. I supposed if you had lived my life, gone through everything I'd gone through and then, amazingly, got a chance to start afresh, you'd jump at it. Like me. But it started with a 27 hour drive, an hour lecture and another hour arranging where your dorm was... you'd say exactly what I did.

"This is fucking ridiculous".

I suppose you'd think I was being spoilt, impatient, selfish and hey, maybe I was. But there's a point in someone's life when you just snap. Maybe I'd reached mine now. Or maybe, I'd reached mine years ago and now was going possibly insane.

*****

Jenny and I stared at our now-dorm. It was much, much better than our old one. The walls and floor were rich mahogany wood, the curtains were silk black and the ceiling light was... crystal? Two bunk beds sat opposite each other at both walls and two wardrobes fitted neatly at the end of them. The bunk beds on the right side had purple and white themed bed sheets and the bunk beds on the left side had purple and black themed sheets.

The window was open, slightly ajar and the smell was strong, like incense; lavender. Jenny's eyes glittered when she saw the immaculate lilac rug between the bunk beds. Two tables sat next to each other with a slight space under the open window. One table was accompanied by a writing pad, a black old computer and several pens. The other table had a small television on it, and both tables had purple chairs tucked in.

I watched Jenny wander further into the room and look around it like it was actual heaven. "This is fucking amazing!" she laughed, "Why didn't we get this at our old joint?".

I smiled but suddenly, I heard sharp penetrating heels march forwards. A chill went down my spine and I spun around to see a pretty dark haired –Asian?—girl stride towards the room, wearing a skin-tight strappy black dress that stopped above her knees. Her sharp heels struck the floor every time she moved forwards. As she walked, her long dark hair flowed behind her, followed by a girl, dressed in light pink.

She entered the dorm and paused, looking me up and down. Her presence was intoxicating and so was her stare. "And who are you?" she talked with a gentile, poised voice.

"Carmen" I smiled. I turned back to Jenny, "That's Jenn—".

"Hi, I'm Jennifer" Jenny stepped forwards, interrupting me and wait—did she just speak in a rich English accent?

"That's cute" the girl smirked, "Why are you here?". The girl in pink behind her just stood there, arms folded.

"This is our dorm" I explained, "We're from St. Rosemary—".

"Wait" the girl interrupted me, "The country freaks?".

I forced a laugh, "Yep, that's us... The country freaks" I turned to Jenny and tried to smile.

"Well, it makes sense" the girl strode past me to the left set of bunk beds, "Katie and Zoe are gone, shame really... Anyway, I'm Lana and that's Caitlin".

Lana carried on, "Caitlin takes the top bunk over there and I always take the top on this one".

Caitlin seemed to frown, "But Lana, I'm always with y—".

"Great, then we're sorted" Lana smirked.

Jenny and I went to get our luggage that we'd left outside. "What the hell was that?" I asked her quietly.

"What?" she asked innocently.

"The accent?" I replied in a funny English accent.

"This is a new place" Jenny explained, "I'm reinventing myself! Jennifer Anne is going to be a sophisticated educated young Senior".

I rolled my eyes.

I guess you're wondering... Where's Shane, Becky, Alice and Joanie, right? I'm not sure but because of the students that had already attended here before us, everything got muddled up and we got paired with whoever we got paired with.

But, maybe it's a good thing. Some time away from Shane may be easier, and don't even get me started on Joanie. We walked back into the dorm and put our luggage by our beds. I know I shouldn't but there was something about Lana that made me want to know more.

I know, I know. I hear what you're saying. How many more ways can I set myself up for pain?

*****

Walking down a dark corridor, I entered a room and looked around. It had an old musky chemical smell and I could just make out that the outline in the dark was a room full of computers.

"Hi!" a voice jumped out at me, causing me to make a rather shocked noise.

"Sorry, I didn't mean to scare you" a girl stepped forwards. She was small, petite even, and quite lean with dark hair and wearing big red glasses. She wore a strappy purple playsuit and worn out black converses.

"You didn't" I smiled back, "Em, I was sent down here to see Violet Watermen...?".

"That's me" the girl stepped forwards, "Lemme me guess, you need a new password or something".

I shrugged sheepishly, "I lost my timetable, I need another one".

"Sure" Violet smiled and immediately sat down at a computer. She logged on faster than I've ever seen anybody type before. After clicking onto several things, she asked me my whole name, which took some time her writing out. Then I heard the printer buzzing.

"The printer takes some time to warm up" Violet shrugged apologetically, "But it won't take that long".

"That's okay" I sat down next to her and tapped my fingers on the counter, "I'm not trying to be noisy here..." I started, "But eh, do you know the deal with Lana and... that Caitlin person?".

Violet looked like she wanted to laugh but she just smirked instead, "Good god, that girl has no boundaries".

"What?" I frowned.

"Lana's the Queen of the school, anything you wanna do, it goes by her first and if she doesn't approve..." Violet shook her head slowly.

"Queen of the School?" I scoffed, "Aren't you giving her a little bit more credit than she really deserves?".

Violet shook her head again, "Lana's dad owns the school; she _really_ is like the Queen around here".

I frowned. "Who's Katie and Zoe?" I proceeded, remembering Lana had mentioned them earlier on.

"They were part of the Pom-Zoms" Violet replied, "But then..." she trailed off.

"Pom-Zoms?" I frowned even harder.

"Oh, it's what everybody who either hates Lana and her group or was simply not allowed in calls them" Violet replied, "Pom-poms like Cheerleaders and zombies cause they're so evil, get it?" she laughed.

"Funny" I forced a smile, "What did Katie and Zoe do to get kicked out?".

"Why?" Violet asked sharply, "You're not planning on joining them, right? I mean, you don't come off as that kind of girl".

"I'm not!" I burst out, "I'm just... curious... Everyone has a story".

"Well, Zoe and Lana had had this weird kind of love-hate relationship, friends with benefits if you like, but Katie had always... You could just tell she doted on Zoe and when Lana and Zoe went public, it ruined Katie" Violet replied.

"What happened?" yes I was engrossed in this story. I wasn't interrogating Violet because I was noisy; I did it because I wanted to know more about Lana.

"Katie went crazy" Violet stood and went to get the copy of my timetable from the printer, "One night; she swallowed a bunch of pills and ended up in hospital, has been in a coma ever since... And Zoe well... Zoe blamed herself and Lana and she dropped out of here and hasn't been back since, some people say she even went abroad".

"And Katie's still in a coma?" I asked.

Violet nodded, "That's the last I heard... See, Katie's epileptic and the pills she took brought on a seizure but she fell that night and whacked her head off of the floor, real hard. Apparently, there was blood everywhere and ever since then, Katie's been on life support, they think she might have brain damage".

"That's horrible" I winced, taking the timetable from Violet's hands. "Thanks" I added, gesturing to the paper in my hands.

"No problem, Carmen" Violet shrugged, "If you have any problems, just come straight back to me".

"Thanks" I nodded. I stood and walked towards the door but Violet called my name and I spun around, still a little bit stunned from hearing that story. "Yeah?" I asked.

Violet stepped forwards, "Carmen, you look like a nice person and well... Lana... She's just not a nice person, I'm only saying this because I don't want anyone else to get hurt but don't... Don't get involved with her, she'll mess you up".

I smiled sadly and shook my head, "I'm not... That wasn't why I was asking..." I trailed off before looking down, "There's only one girl who could ever mess me up truly" I smiled at her once more and turned, walking out, back down the way I'd came.

* * *

**Author's Note: I'm getting quite excited about how this will take a new turn and freshen things up, I always love adding new characters and playing around with them. Hope you like this chapter, please review and give me your thoughts,**

**xxx**


	22. Part 20

**Part 20**

*****

My new classes were long and intense but on the up side, they were more fun to learn in. Plus, some of the people were friendly, some were really friendly and other people, well, you can't change people, I guess. I'd caught brief glances of Shane throughout the day but I had a feeling she was trying to avoid me. I had decided to blow off all my afternoon classes because a) I couldn't be bothered and b) I wanted just wanted to fall back into sleep. But instead, I found myself walking outside the back garden of Trinity Academy.

It had nice garden scenery and it reminded of St. Rosemary's. When we were back in Oakland, we still had the good weather and amazing views but now, starting anew in West Hollywood, the weather was hotter and the views were... Well, still good but I was kind of missing the countryside. At least we didn't leave California altogether, _that_, I don't think I could handle. My mind wandered onto the fact that Shane had came back the very _same_ day we were leaving for here, I mean... weird or what?

I had tried to think back to the times back at St. Rosemary's, when I had first met Shane and she was this enigmatic, mysterious person to me and then we had developed feelings for each other and then we wound up hurting each other over and over again and I realised I probably should probably stop. But underneath those dark clouded eyes, spiky brown hair, smouldering body, she was so much more.

She was funny, ironic, honest, kind, understanding, timeless, she was epic. Yeah, she has her flaws, we all do, but when she came back from her 'trip', she was more mature, honest, more Shane than I could ever imagine. Her style hadn't changed, just her personality. So I couldn't beat around the bush here, I loved her, of course I did. After everything we'd been through, how could I not? She was the other half of me, I couldn't live without her.

So maybe I should tell her? I mean, I'm 99.9% sure she wouldn't reject me but it's not even about that... It's about letting her know that even though she hurt me and I mean, _really_ bad, I still wanted her to know that I loved her and I couldn't see anybody else taking her place. Not ever. When I was quizzing Violet about Lana, I was curious, some people are just so interesting that you want to know more, but I must admit, I kind of cringed when Violet 'warned' me off Lana. No offence to her, but knowing the previous Jenny, the bitchy Queen Bee, I couldn't really see myself involved with that again.

I hadn't been to all my classes yet I didn't know if I had any classes with Shane yet or at all but I was hopeful. Now that we didn't share a dorm, classes and lunch was all that would hold us together under the pretence of 'just friends', which is hard because Shane and I have never been _just_ friends. Even from the very beginning, there was always something there. I stopped by a small pond, with flowers around them and smiled. It reminded me of the lake by the field back at St. Rosemary's. Even though it was the place where Dana had been shot, it was still a happy memorable place for her.

I would kind of miss sleeping next to her or waking up and the first thing I would see is her or hear her voice or just watch her when she's asleep without her knowing. There'd be times when I woke up and I was in her bed, wrapped in her arms and times when I woke up and found her in my bed, both without the memory of how we winded up there. Soaking up the usual heat and letting it wash over me, I felt a sense of calm I hadn't had before. Hadn't had in a really long time.

I just wanted to forget everything bad that had happened and just move on and damn it, I wanted Shane as well. God, I hadn't held her in... Well, since the bus-toilet incident but even then, it was getting ridiculous. She can't avoid me forever. Had she forgotten about lunch times? Just then, as if by magic, the school bell rang and I spun around.

Time for lunch.

*****

"Hey guys" I slid down next to Becky, Alice and Joanie at a lunch table in the large hall. They were eating... salad? Probably one thing I hate about it here, everything seems so... proper, healthy, strict..? The hall was filling up and I glanced around, looking for a particular girl. I couldn't wait to find her now. Just see her and hold her and smell her hair and look into those eyes that I adore. When I didn't see Shane, I quickly scanned the crowd for Jenny, but couldn't seem to find her.

"Where's Shane?" I couldn't help but blurt out. Alice looked surprised, while Becky fumbled with her salad and Joanie kept her eyes glued to the table. Joanie still hadn't been talking to me and to be honest, I didn't really give a fuck. Joanie could ring circles around herself for all I cared. She drew further back into her seat and tried hard not to be noticed. As I would say anything to her, all I wanted was to find Shane.

"I'm not sure" Alice admitted, eyes worried, "She didn't turn up for Maths, or English... But I saw her heading out back in the morning, probably for a fag or something, I wouldn't worry" even though that's what she _said_, I knew it's not what she _believed_. Like me, Alice cared for Shane a lot and I bet that she was just as frantic on the inside as I was about Shane's whereabouts. Even though Shane had came back a more mature, independent young adult, I still worried she would up and leave again. That thought and fear never left me.

"I'll be back soon" I stood; "If you see Shane or Jenny, tell them to find me" I walked away towards the back door and walked down some stairs. As I walked on the pebbles and then grass that led me to the back of the school, I found exactly what I'd been looking for. Sitting down against the wall in the corner with a half-smoked fag in her right hand, Shane looked fucking irresistible. She clocked eyes with me as I walked forwards.

"Hey" I sat down next to her and my heart skipped a beat when I got a whiff of her scent as a gentile wind blew towards us. She looked sad, defeated and all I wanted to do was wrap my arms around her. But I scared she would get mad at me. I was the one to tell her we could just friends and I felt like a complete idiot telling her I wanted us to be 'us' again.

"Hi" Shane replied, quiet. She took another draw out of her fag and then threw it away. Blowing the smoke out of her mouth, she leaned against the wall and sighed. "Are you happy I'm back?" she asked suddenly. Her question threw me completely. Out of all of the things I thought she was going to say, that was not in the top five.

"Of course" I whispered back, "You can't possibly imagine how much it hurt to lose you and then how happy I was when I got you back...". I looked in her eyes and waited. All I wanted was to kiss her but...

"When I was away" Shane breathed, "All I could about was you, all I wanted was you and every single night, I'd cry myself to sleep, thinking about you, dreaming about you, pretending that we were a couple and that we had our own house and we were... We were married" a few rare tears fell from her eyes and she shook her head, "Stupid, really".

"It's not stupid!" I felt my heart warm to her and smiled. "It's... It's amazing... When you were gone, I slept in your bed for two weeks and refused to leave it, I only remember getting up to pee and to eat" I laughed dryly, "I earned the nickname 'Carmen the Hermit' for two months".

"You did?" She sounds surprised. Did she not know how much she means to me? How much I need her in my life? Need her to keep me sane and whole and feel... normal? Need her because I love her so much it hurts to breath?

"Of course" I nodded slowly, "It was torture carrying on, Shane... All I wanted to do was run out and look for you but then another part of me only wanted to curl up and die because I knew you weren't coming back".

"Carmen" Shane whispered painfully. She looked like she had just reframed herself from hugging me but she couldn't be more wrong. All I wanted was her arms around me.

"Carmen, I never meant for you to feel like that" Shane explained, "I never meant to hurt you like I did... It was a horrible impulsive selfish mistake and if I could take it back, I would".

"I know" I nodded, tears of my own slipping out, "God Shane, you have no idea how much I hated my life before I met you, I was angry, bitter, tired and then you... You showed me how to love and fight for something worth believing in... You showed me a better way to live...".

"Carmen, I severely fucked you up" Shane gaped in disbelief, "I hurt you and hurt you, over and over again, I ran away and just when you were healing your heart, I show up, hurting you more... I haven't done anything to your life then make it worse".

I smiled vaguely, "You done a lot more than that, Shane McCutcheon, I mean it, despite everything we've gone through... I wouldn't change it for the world".

Shane shook her head, "All I am is a disappointment to myself, to you, to anyone who's ever cared about me or shown interest... All I do is fuck things up and screw people over and just hurt the people I love the most" she stared at me and my stomach flipped over.

"I don't believe that" I sighed, "I think that's just a mask to cover up that deep down, behind all the sex and the drugs and the alcohol, deep, deep, down, you're just a sad lonely little girl who wants to be loved".

Shane let a brief smirk cross her lips and nodded, "Yep, maybe" she paused, "...Or maybe, I'm just destined to end up alone, as a result of my negative energy and playboy attitude".

"You will not end up alone!" I laughed.

"Really?" Shane cocked her eyebrow, "Well, the only girl I'll ever love doesn't want me back so... I really don't see any other option".

My breath caught. As I glanced in Shane's direction, I met her piercing gaze. "I love your eyes" I blurted out and then mentally hit myself. Good one, Carmen.

Shane laughed, "What?".

"They're dark and penetrating" I explained, "Mysterious, just like you... They're like winter" I concluded, "Cold and sometimes unbearable but fun and easy to love".

Shane kept her gaze on me the whole time as I smiled quietly and whispered, "Winter Eyes". Slowly, I felt her trembling hand placed on my upper back and shivers immediately rippled through me. Her touch was like ice and fire and everything amazing all rolled into one.

"I missed you so much" she came up behind me and wrapped her arms around my waist, pulling my back into her front to fit perfectly. I fell into her shoulder and she buried her head into the crook of my neck. It was so blissful, settling in her arms, feeling so peaceful and loved. Without having to rush anything or feel obligated to tell her how I feel, the gentile wind and powerful heat were just purely enough, wrapped in Shane's arms.

I hadn't felt this content in ages.

* * *

**Author's Note: No, don't be silly, it was always be 110% Sharmen! :D It can't be any other, it just ****can't****. Thank you to everyone who reviewed, you really have no idea how much a big part of the story you really are, without you, I don't think I'd have the inspiration to continue so thanks sooo much :) x**


	23. Part 21

**Part 21**

*****

Opening my eyes, I yawned. It was... dark? And someone had their arms around me. I quickly remembered Shane and... I don't remember falling asleep but we must have. "Shane" I turned over as much as I could because Shane's grip was so tight it was almost painful and found Shane, eyes closed and looking like an angel as she continued to sleep.

She stirred and mumbled something but refused to open her eyes or move. "Shane" I nudged her, "Shane, we must have slept in, look, it's dark". I nudged her again and sighed, this was pointless. Glancing to my watch, I saw it was 1am.

"So?" she muttered, eyes still closed. She pulled me back down into her and wrapped her legs around mine, smiling vaguely. She moved forwards, arms wrapped around me, nearly overtaking my whole body. God, I had missed this.

I opened my eyes and stared at her. Reaching up, I gently began tracing the outlines of her nose, lips, eyes and neck. She opened her eyes and smiled, staring so intensely at me, I thought she could see right through me.

"I love you, Carmen" Shane whispered, her grip on tightened as if she was scared I was going to up and run, like she did. My breath caught it my throat and my stomach flipped over.

"I love you, too" I replied and really meant it. I had had a phobia of those words before I had met Shane and now... It's all I've wanted to say to her for ages but, never found the right time.

"If you give me another chance" Shane whispered, "I swear, I'll make it right, we'll make it work" god, you can't imagine how perfect those words are, they're everything I've been waiting to hear.

I grinned, "God, you have no idea how much you affect me, Shane McCutcheon" I looked down, feeling so completely happy. I can't quite remember a time when I've ever felt this... complete, whole, content.

"Is that a yes?" she poked her tongue between her teeth in a cute childish smirk. I'm pretty sure she knew the answer; she just wanted me to say the words. I breathed out deeply, mockingly.

"Oh well" I rolled my eyes, "I suppose it's a yes" I laughed, she's so adorable when she's trying to act offended. She grinned back and I felt her leaning in. This was our first kiss since we'd said those 3 scary words and it probably couldn't mean more to me than anything in the world.

Shane rolled over and made sure she was on top, like she always does. Pinning my hands by my head, she leaned down so close to my lips and made a deep animal growl in the pit of her throat.

Licking her lips and letting her rich, heavy breath linger on my neck, Shane came closer. I don't think I've ever wanted anyone more in my entire life. Her lips touched mine briefly and then returned and we slowly began fighting for dominance. The movements got faster and all I wanted was air but she wasn't letting up.

Shane plunged her tongue into my mouth and traced every inch of it, continuing her animal attack on my swollen lips. Hands still pinned to the ground and body trapped under Shane, she had me right where she wanted me. I had no control. I thought I was gonnah suffocate but Shane finally broke apart, if only for a few inches from my lips and we panted heavily, my chest moving so fast up and down I felt dizzy.

"Carmen" Shane moaned and I nearly fell apart at the seams. She dipped into my neck, letting me breath some more and began sucking so viciously on my neck I screamed a little. Her teeth scraped against my skin and her mouth and tongue was so hot against my neck I was gasping every time she moved an inch. She grinds her pelvis into mine and I bite my lip so to stop from screaming I think it might bleed. God, I want her right now but it looks like she's calling all the shots.

Her lips are back to crushing against mine. She's not giving up. I feel like all my energy is being sucked away the more she keeps up her carnal attack. Our bodies seem to be moving in the same rocking order now and I can feel the urge to spill out and scream and do something, anything, taking over.

"Shane" I'm begging now, my breathing heavy and my chest flustered, still heaving with tension, "Shane—I can't—" I have to talk between kisses because her lips are so fierce and unforgiving she just keeps going, "I can't—do t-this—any longer...".

Shane finally stops and places her forehead against mine, her dark passionate eyes staring straight into me. "Carmen" her voice is slick and laced with pure animal lust, "Do you want me to fuck you?" her words make me want to scream her name until she's screaming with me but my breathing is still quite erratic.

It's not like I've never had sex before but... This is Shane, the girl I'm madly and irrevocably in love with. This means something—no, it means _everything_ to me. But I can't stop now, it's too late for that, even if I wanted to stop, I'd never be able to, it'd be absolute fucking torture and by the look on Shane's face, if I even tried to stop, she'd probably explode or kill me.

As if my heart wasn't already beating 1000 miles per hour, it sped up dramatically as Shane threw off her jacket and begun undoing her top. I'd seen Shane naked before, loads of times, when we had to share the shower together but this was different. It was more special than I ever thought was possible.

A semi-naked Shane leaned over me and I stared. She was so fucking hot, I almost screamed. Hell, she was _sex_. She smirked that sexy grin and gripped my jumper to pull it over my head. Luckily for her, I hadn't chosen to wear a top this morning. Shane seemed transfixed, god knows why.

"You are so beautiful" she whispered and slowly came down to my chest. It became as flustered as before as Shane began rolling her tongue all over and leaving bite marks. My bra soon came loose and I would have taken Shane's off but she wasn't wearing one. Now, come to think of it, I don't think Shane actually wears a bra. Oh well, who cares?

I could see Shane wouldn't want to get up so she held herself up an inch and undid my jeans. Pulling them down me as fast as she could, I flipped them off my feet with my feet, my converses going too. The cold night air would have bothered me if I didn't already have an amazingly high temperature from just looking at Shane. Undoing her jeans, pulling off her vans and tugging her jeans from her legs in less than 4 seconds made me gape. Shane is very impressive when it comes to getting undressed.

Shane sat still on me, just staring down at my nakedness in front of her. I've never felt so exposed before in my life. In slow motion, she pressed our naked bodies together and bent down to kiss me. It started out tender and gentile like the wind around us but the more the wind got volatile, so did Shane. Resuming power over me, the kisses were getting so heated, and as our bodies rocked together, I couldn't help but scream, as loud as I wanted to before; I let it all out and screamed her name until my throat went raw.

"I love you" She whispered into my ear.

"I love you" I replied, breathing heavy and uneven again.

And as the heavy wind continued to blow, Shane wrapped her arms around me tightly. As the lights around us dimmed and darkened even more, and soft rain poured down like spit, and birds chirped in the trees, I let Shane take me into the dark, merciless night.

*****

It was early morning, really early. Blinking my eyes open just barely, I glanced at my watch and it read 6am. Gazing up at the naked beauty lying on top of me, I smiled. "Shane" I mumbled, kissing her neck gently, "Shane, it's 6 o'clock, we gotta get up".

"What?" Shane opened her eyes and looked down. She immediately smirked and pressed her lips close to mine in happiness "Morning sexy" she whispered into my ear.

"Shane" I laughed, "C'mon, we gotta get up before anyone sees us" I laughed as she rolled her eyes and got off me. Finding our clothes was a lot harder than we imagined and they were a little damp because it rained a little last night but we eventually found them in the end and dressed as quickly as possible. By that time, it was half 6. Classes started at 7am here but all I wanted was to be with Shane.

We tip-toed into back into school, thankfully all the doors were open by now and looked around. It was like a ghost town. Practically nobody was around except from the janitors.

"I wish you were in the same dorm as me" Shane moaned, linking our fingers together as we walked down the corridor.

"Me too" I looked away, "Do you share a dorm with Alice, Becky and—Joanie?" I bit the last name out.

Shane smirked, "Yeah, who do you share a dorm with?".

"Jenny, and some Queen Bee bitches Lana and Caitlin" I replied, rolling my eyes.

"We could figure out a way to swap" Shane reasoned.

"That'd be right" I snorted, "Who'd want to bunk with two Prima-Donna's?".

Shane laughed and pulled me into her, kissing my neck gently. I laughed and mockingly pushed her away before pulling her back into me, "Is sex _all_ you think about?" I grinned as she playfully bit into my neck. Think of all the marks I'd have on my body from last night...

"No" Shane smirked, "_You're_ all I think about".

We kissed a few times before I pulled away, "I better go back to my dorm... I'll see you in class?" I didn't want to leave her but I figured I better go make sure Jenny was okay considering I hadn't seen her all yesterday.

"Oh okay" Shane groaned, rolling her eyes. She pulled me into her one last time and kissed me so hard I thought I might bruise before releasing me.

I smiled and we both parted, walking opposite directions. I got to my dorm room and slowly, quietly turned the knob. Slipping into the room, I spun around and came face to face with a red-eyed, messy-haired Jenny.

"Where have you been!?" she lunged at me, pulling me into a tight hug. Then she let me go and hit me.

"Ow!" I jerked away, "What was that for?".

"You went bloody missing!" Jenny replied, angry, "That's what that's for!".

"I'm fine" I insisted, "Clearly, I'm okay... Sorry to make you cry over me" I rolled my eyes.

"I'm not crying" Jenny wiped at her eyes, "I was just... concerned you might have jumped off a roof or something".

I laughed, "No need to panic, I'm officially okay, promise".

"You could have let me know" Jenny whined, "I wanted to tell someone but Alice told me you were probably with Shane, just talking things over but I the voice in the back of my head kept me you had been adducted or kidnapped or murdered—".

"Jenny" I stopped her mid-way, "I'm fine, really, I swear... I was not adducted or kidnapped or—" I smirked, "Murdered".

"Okay" Jenny nodded feebly, "Where were you?".

"With Shane" I replied, "Everything's... em..." I bit my lip, "Everything's good, finally" I smiled happily and Jenny shook her head at me.

"What?" I said innocently.

She leant in suspiciously and—wait for it—_sniffed_ me. Okay, what? I pulled back and frowned, "Okay, Jenny, what is up with you?".

"I smell sex" Jenny said, looking at me accusingly.

"What?" I tried to laughed, "W—hat, what... are you talking about?".

"You and Shane had sex!" Jenny cried, pointing her finger at me.

"Don't you point your finger at me!" I shot back, batting her hand away, "And anyway, what Shane and I choose to do in private stays private".

"Pft!" Jenny rolled her eyes.

"What now?" I sighed.

"As much you love Shane" Jenny began quietly, "And no matter how much she loves you, you know Shane, probably even better than she does, and Shane... Shane self-sabotages all the relationships in her life when they're going great, fantastic... It's just... It's what she does".

"She's—" I began.

"Changed?" Jenny interrupted me, "You think you've changed Shane McCutcheon, the player?" she looked away, "Wow Carmen, you're more gullible than I thought".

"Why are you saying this?" tears rose to the surface, "You're supposed to be my friend, you're supposed to support me".

"I am supporting you!" Jenny cried, "I'm trying to make you see sense because I don't want you to get hurt again, like she hurt you in the past".

"We hurt each other" I corrected her.

"But Shane started it" Jenny whispered, "If Shane hadn't of hurt you first, with that Amber girl... Carmen, would you have hurt her back and slept with Papi? Cause I think not".

"This time is different" I stressed to her, "Shane's changed, she's more mature and more realistic about life... And I've changed, Jenny... I'm not naive anymore, I know what to expect but I also know that if Shane and I try, I know we can make this work...".

Jenny sighed deeply and shook her head, "I think you're making a mistake" she picked up her white duffle bag, "I'm going for a shower" she added quietly before leaving the room.

Glancing up to the bunk beds where Lana and Caitlin lay sleeping, I wiped my tears away, feeling angry. Why did Jenny have to ruin this amazing moment? I was so happy and now... Now, all I can think about is her words, cutting into my skin like sharp metal.

* * *

**Authors Note: Okay, I know you hate me but let's face it, no real drama can be happy all the time, and while I felt it was right to get Carmen and Shane properly together, I need to show other opinions, e.g. Jenny's negative one and before you bash Jenny, I just want you to know what she's saying is purely out of love and concern for her friends. Sounds corny, I know but oh well, you write angst stuff for ages and that's what happens lols xx**


	24. Part 22

**Part 22**

*****

I walked into the girl's shower room and stepped into an empty cubicle. I pulled the shower curtain over and began to take off my clothes. Dumping them into the pull out drawer for clothes, I turned on the shower and pushed it up to the hottest level it could go. Letting the hot water rush over me and burn my skin, I let out a sigh. This was so peaceful. It must have been past 7 and I'd have missed first period but I really couldn't give a fuck. Jenny's words stung me hard. Shane and I weren't officially together when she slept with those girls but... Deep down, I knew she knew how I felt about her. There was Amber and then Jo... And probably other girls I just hadn't known about.

I'll admit it, I'm not perfect either. When I saw Shane with Amber, I fell straight into Papi's arms. Then when I saw Shane with Jo, I marched straight into another's girl's arms... That girl, I didn't know her name, but I stopped before anything happened. I knew I couldn't keep doing this. Running into other girl's arms whenever Shane slept around. Then when Shane came back with Joanie, it stung me but I truly believed Shane when she said her and Joanie were just friends.

Rubbing the soap over my body, I glanced down. I had love bites all over my neck, chest and stomach. I remembered last night fondly. Shane and I, moving in perfect harmony, kisses so passionate and lustful it would put porn stars to shame. Just the cold dark raining night, it was like we were the only two people in the entire world. And then Jenny had to open her stupid mouth and ruin my good mood.

I washed my hair, rinsed it and soaked in the water for a few more minutes before turning off the shower. Wrapping the towel around my body, I grabbed my clothes and stepped out, walking back to my dorm as fast as my legs would take me. I walked into my dorm and found Caitlin, Lana and Jenny gone.

Changing quickly into my black jeans, green tank-top and green sweatshirt, I dried my hair and watched as my hair dried in winding curls. Spraying some hairspray onto my hair, I found myself rubbing foundation into my face and applying mascara. Pulling on my black faded converses with force, I had no other reason to stay in the dorm. Feeling as ready as I was ever going to, I stepped outside and closed the door. Pulling out my timetable from my back pocket, I found my first period was English and the second was History.

Hearing the bell go for second period, I headed off towards the History. I didn't know for sure if I wanted to see Shane this morning because those doubts about her were beginning to eat me up. I definitely didn't want to see Jenny at all. Whether she said those things because she really cared about me or because she was just pissed because even with Dana gone, Alice still didn't want her, I didn't know. I wish I could have talked to Becky, she always says what she sees in front of her but I couldn't risk finding her without finding Shane too.

But dammit, I wanted to see her. I arrived at my class and was one of the first ones in. I spotted Alice and she waved me over. I sat next to her and smiled, "Hey".

"Hey, you okay?" Alice asked.

"Totally" I nodded.

The class all filed in and Alice was about the only person I knew. Our teacher did the register and started talking about something I could care less about. Half way through this boring class, another teacher interrupted us and asked if I could go to the principal's. Oh god. Great, what could possibly go wrong now?

I stood, with every single eye on me and followed the teacher down into the principal's office. It was big and had a Victorian-theme going on. Walking into the principal's office, I felt a surge of uneasiness shoot right through me. The woman sat in front of me was middle-aged with dark hair pulled into a tight bun.

"Carmen" she smiled, "I'm Miss Chattin, Principal of Trinity Academy, it's lovely to meet you".

"You too" I sat down, and forced a horrible smile on my face.

"Carmen, I've called you in here today because something very important has come up" Miss Chattin began, "I'd like to discuss this further with you but I'm afraid I have a meeting... How does lunch time sound?".

"Emm, lunch is good" I nod my head.

"Very well" Miss Chattin replied, "You may return to class" I stood and felt the urge to scream. She only called me down here to let me know I've to come back later on? I really wanted some answers now. The not-knowing part was making me anxious.

Walking back down the corridor, I suddenly felt hands wrap around my stomach and pull me back. Lips pressed themselves into my neck and I smiled.

"Shane" I turned to see her, wearing different clothes and hair restyled. She looked so sexy. I smiled and grabbed her into a hug, sighing. Whatever came my way, I felt as if I could handle it with Shane around me.

"God, I missed you" Shane growled. She pulled us into a janitor's closet and closed the door behind us. Pinning me to the door, we started the same vicious attack on each other's mouths. Shane overpowered me, yet again, and smirked as she pulled away.

"How come you're out of class?" Shane pondered.

"Em..." I looked down, "The principal wanted to see me but she said I've to come back at lunch".

"Do you have any idea what it's about?" Shane frowned.

I shook my head, "Nope and it's driving me crazy... That and em... Well... Nevermind" I sat down against the door and Shane quickly followed me.

"Carmen, what's wrong?" Shane pressed, concerned.

"It's nothing" I shook my head but she was refusing to let it go.

"Carmen" Shane pulled my face into her hands and kissed my lips softly, "What's wrong? You can tell me".

"Jenny said some things" I replied quietly, feeling stupid already.

"What kind of things?" Shane frowned, trying to get my eye-contact.

"That we would wind up hurting each other again" I whispered, "That you would cheat on me, that I was stupid for starting a relationship with you".

"Well fuck Jenny!" Shane cried, angry, "What the fuck does she know? Carmen, I love you, I'd never to anything to intentionally hurt you ever again!".

"I know" I nod and pull her closer, "It's okay, I don't... Believe her but just... Thinking about everything... I mean... You really think we can make this work?".

"Absolutely" Shane said fiercely, "I couldn't and won't live without you Carmen".

"I love you" I smiled, feeling happy again. Jenny didn't know anything about mine and Shane's relationship. Screw her. Who needs negative people like that in our lives?

"Carmen?" Shane whispered.

"I'm here, I love you" I repeated and leaned up to kiss her. This was just a stupid small blip we're already over, no thanks to Jenny.

God, her kisses are pure magic.

"C'mon" Shane took my hand and led me out of the janitor's closet and towards her own dorm. It was empty naturally and we went straight to Shane's bed. Holding each other, kissing each other, we eventually dozed off into a silent dream.

*****

I was already getting used to waking up in Shane's arms peacefully but this time, I woke with a sense of dread. Something horrible was about to happen. Sitting up, I noticed it was lunch time and that Shane was still sleeping. Slipping from her arms without waking her, I left her dorm and found my feet taking me towards the principal's office.

Knocking gently, I waited until I heard her voice telling me to come and entered.

"Carmen, sit down, please" Miss Chattin said to me and I felt my stomach do somersaults. I wish I had Shane with me right now but now, I just had to grit my teeth and get through this.

"Carmen, tell me, what do you know about you're biological family?" Miss Chattin asked me. This wasn't what I thought she was going to ask me.

"Em..." I frowned, "Not much, just that they were adopted".

"Your two sisters; Anna and Lily, and three brothers; Alejandro, Juan and Jose have contacted me" Miss Chattin replied, her words causing me to freeze. What!?

"Carmen, do you know what I just said?" Miss Chattin added.

Feeling struck with shock, I just nodded feebly.

"Before you went into foster care, they were adopted by a Spanish family" Miss Chattin's mouth is moving but her words are a mix of blur and nausea, "Your oldest sister; Anna, has a 5 year age difference, Lily has a 4 year age gap and your twin brothers; Juan and Jose have a 6 year age difference, leaving Alejandro the youngest at 20... Which makes them—if your social worker wish to hand over rights—your legal guardians".

I sat there, in a daze. I understood what she was telling me but I couldn't open my mouth to move or speak, I was frozen by shock.

"Carmen" Miss Chattin started, "I realise you must be absolutely stunned... The point is, they spent months trying to locate you, first through the adoption agency, then through your foster-parents, eventually finding St Rosemary's boarding school but by the time they did that, you'd already left... The school forwarded them our address and Anna got in touch with me to see if by any chance, you wanted to... meet them?".

The possibility of meeting blood related family made my heart beat faster than I could have ever imagined. But... something Miss Chattin said earlier made me feel sick, worried...

"What do you mean by Legal Guardians?" I asked, my voice dry and squeaky.

"Your Social Worker contacted me" Miss Chattin began, "She suggested that if you got along with your brothers and sisters then they would become your Legal Guardians, until you're 18 of course, and by Legal Guardians...".

"They can pull me out of here, can't they?" I whispered harshly.

Miss Chattin looked away awkwardly, "If they see fit... Yes, if they become your Legal Guardians and wish to pull you out of here and place you into another school, they can".

My face must have looked a picture. I've always to meet my real family, and find out what my parents were like but... I'd never want to leave here, leave Shane and everybody behind. I'd never let that happen. I mean, it's not like I can't meet them, find out about my birth parents and then still stay here but... If I meet them and my Social Worker thinks that they should be my Legal Guardians and my brothers and sisters think I'd benefit from being in a public school, so I can go live with them when I'm not in school... The possibilities were roaming around in my head and making me feel dizzy and sick.

I gripped the chair's arm and took a deep breath.

"There's no rush, Carmen" Miss Chattin added, "I think you should sleep on it and think carefully... Nobody will force you to do anything".

I nodded once and like a robot, stood from my chair and walked out of the office. Letting out a deep sigh, I walked down stairs to where the school was still having lunch.

I could see no sign of the group and a part of me sighed relief. If they saw me, I'd probably spill my guts and I didn't really want to talk about it yet. Turning around, I headed for my dorm.

*****

Walking into my dorm, I came face to face with Lana. She was sitting at the computer table, head down, writing something but when the door clicked open, she turned to look at me. A vague smile graced her face and she swirled around on the chair to see me completely.

"Is there any reason why you're looking so bloody depressed?" Lana asked me, voice still as angelic as before but her face showed signs of stress and problems.

I paused. "It doesn't..." I trailed off but then spun around to face her, "My life has been one big roller-coaster of problems! Ever since I was born, I was the child that nobody wanted, I didn't have anything and then I met Bette, the one person who ever believed in me and she died! She died! And it was my fault! And Dana died! Again, my fault! How many more people are gonnah die before they learn that all I bring is trouble and pain! And don't even get me started on Shane, the one true girl I've ever loved and here I sit, doubting our relationship, scared that we're mess this up and I can't mess this up, I love her too much and to top it off, I've just been told my real brothers and sisters want to meet me and maybe take me away from Shane and everyone else I love! And I hate my life, my fucked up, stupid, life!" I let out a deep breath, "And _that_, is why I'm so bloody depressed!".

Lana stood and took one step toward me. In the same even, graceful voice, she said, "What doesn't kill you makes you stronger. I've only ever loved one girl and she fled the Country because she blamed me for putting our best friend into hospital. When I was 15, I was a drug addict and a prostitute, I only got out of that because my rich aunt didn't want me to ruin her precious reputation and shoved me in here. I haven't seen my father since I was 7 and my mother... Well, she's still in her mental institute. My sister refuses to talk to me because of the mistakes I've made in my life and my daughter? She's in care, the last place I want her but I've got no choice because I've basically got no-one. The people I talk to and hang about with and have lunch with are only there because of my Social Status, plus the fact most of them think I'm a cold-hearted bitch who'll spread rumours about them. But at the end of the day, I'm stronger for going through all of that mess of crap and still coming out the other end. And I cope by reminding myself that no matter how hard I've got it, there's always one person close to you who's got it worse" she picked up her notebook and walked past me towards the door.

When I heard the door click shut, I let out a deep breath I didn't know I'd been holding and slowly crawled towards my bed. Silently, I let out a single dreadful tear.

* * *

**Author's Note: I hope you like the new twist in the story lol I definitely want to add some more drama but also so the story can develop! Also, got some really bad news, my computer is kinda broke and i dnt know how long it will be until i can update again so really soz and i'll try my best to get it fixed! Reviews are amazing! x**


	25. Another Author's Note

**Author's Note:**

**I feel like such a bad writer with this story but things had gotten in the way. My computer screen had cracked and now, I've finally gotten it back. But that doesn't excuse neglecting a story I once had such passion for. I've decided to end it, with two chapters remaining, which I will try to post over the next week; resolving whether Carmen will meet her siblings and continue her education and of course, who will end up with who. This has been such a great ride; thank you sooo much to all who reviewed, alerted and favourited. **

**I know how annoying it can be when someone doesn't post for months and then suddenly crops up so I do apologise and hope it helps. I'm going to miss this story but I've got so much to deal with right now and it wouldn't be right dragging this out any longer and ruining a story I've worked so hard on. Don't think your reviewing hasn't given me much inspiration because it has and reviews are where I get most of my inspiration anyway so thanks once again! I hope you can all forgive my recent absence and review the last two chapters to tie everything up as it would mean a great deal to me. Maybe I'll do a sequel one day, who knows? I'll try.**

**Thanks again, VampirePrincess.x**

**xxxxx**


	26. Part 23

**Part 23**

*****

_**Recap:**_

_Walking into my dorm, I came face to face with Lana. She was sitting at the computer table, head down, writing something but when the door clicked open, she turned to look at me. A vague smile graced her face and she swirled around on the chair to see me completely._

"_Is there any reason why you're looking so bloody depressed?" Lana asked me, voice still as angelic as before but her face showed signs of stress and problems._

_I paused. "It doesn't..." I trailed off but then spun around to face her, "My life has been one big roller-coaster of problems! Ever since I was born, I was the child that nobody wanted, I didn't have anything and then I met Bette, the one person who ever believed in me and she died! She died! And it was my fault! And Dana died! Again, my fault! _

_How many more people are gonnah die before they learn that all I bring is trouble and pain! And don't even get me started on Shane, the one true girl I've ever loved and here I sit, doubting our relationship, scared that we're mess this up and I can't mess this up, I love her too much and to top it off, I've just been told my real brothers and sisters want to meet me and maybe take me away from Shane and everyone else I love! And I hate my life, my fucked up, stupid, life!" I let out a deep breath, "And __that__, is why I'm so bloody depressed!"._

_Lana stood and took one step toward me. In the same even, graceful voice, she said, "What doesn't kill you makes you stronger. I've only ever loved one girl and she fled the Country because she blamed me for putting our best friend into hospital. _

_When I was 15, I was a drug addict and a prostitute, I only got out of that because my rich aunt didn't want me to ruin her precious reputation and shoved me in here. I haven't seen my father since I was 7 and my mother... Well, she's still in her mental institute. My sister refuses to talk to me because of the mistakes I've made in my life and my daughter? She's in care, the last place I want her but I've got no choice because I've basically got no-one. _

_The people I talk to and hang about with and have lunch with are only there because of my Social Status, plus the fact most of them think I'm a cold-hearted bitch who'll spread rumours about them. But at the end of the day, I'm stronger for going through all of that mess of crap and still coming out the other end. And I cope by reminding myself that no matter how hard I've got it, there's always one person close to you who's got it worse" she picked up her notebook and walked past me towards the door._

_When I heard the door click shut, I let out a deep breath I didn't know I'd been holding and slowly crawled towards my bed. Silently, I let out a single dreadful tear._

*****

I'd just been told my long lost siblings had tracked me down. Lily. Anna. Alejandro. Juan. Jose. They had names. _Names_. That made it all the more real. I must had fallen asleep after returning from Miss Chattin's office because when I woke up, it was just darkening into the afternoon. I sat up and looked around. I was on my own. Oh well. I got up and walked over to the door. I began down the hallway, occasionally passing other girls. I jumped down the stairs, heading into the big hallway. Everyone was eating dinner and I stopped for a moment just to take it all in. I only had the rest of this year and then I was out of here. What did that mean exactly? Would we all go our separate ways? Would we still see each other after we graduated? What would I do? I'd always had an interest in music... but... I was still lost. And there was the long lost siblings to meet first.

I did want to meet them but... Where would that go? So many things, so little time... The noise of the chatter hummed around me and the girls all round carried on their business as I watched. So many people entered these doors yet hardly any of them touch our lives... Is that ...right? Shouldn't we be looking out for each other? If we can't look after each other how are we supposed to look after ourselves? Then, I see them. Shane, Alice, Jenny, Becky and Joanie. Shane's so cute when she's laughing. I make my way over and sit down next to them.

"Carmen" Shane grins and leans in to capture my lips. I'll never get tired of her doing that.

I can see Jenny react slightly but I ignore her anyway.

"So, what did Miss Chattin want?" Shane asked, pulling back.

I tensed, looking down. They all stared now.

"My eh..." I started, "My siblings... have... eh... found me" I whispered the last part.

Shocked silence.

"Wow, Carmen, that's amazing!" Shane grinned, "This is so cool, you can finally get to know them!".

"Yeah" I shrugged, "I mean, yeah, I suppose".

"Carmen, you're not happy?" Jenny frowned.

"If my social worker sees fit to make them my legal guardians, they can pull me out of this school" I eye Shane importantly.

"But..." Becky started, "Why would they do that in the first place?".

"Maybe..." I shrugged back, "Maybe they live far away, maybe they won't like this school, I don't know but... Miss Chattin said to take my time so... I... Don't really know what I'm going to do".

"I think you should meet them" Alice smiled, "They might have some memories of your parents before they died".

I leaned back against my chair and sighed, "Yeah...".

"And Carmen" Shane leaned over to touch my hand, "We can always cross that bridge if it comes to it".

"Yeah" I began to feel better. Maybe this was a good thing. I could meet them, finish my education, get a job, and Shane and I could stay... Shane and I? I suddenly stood up, "Yeah, you're right, I'm gonnah go back to Miss Chattin, thanks guys" I turned and walked speedily to the stairs again, heading for her office.

*****

"Are you sure about this?" Miss Chattin asked seriously.

I nodded firmly, "I want to meet them".

"Okay" Miss Chattin's lips formed into a smile, "I'll arrange for them to meet you tomorrow".

"Thanks" my stomach rolled over and I left her office, walking back to the stairs. But, before I could walk down them, suddenly, a petit girl fell down the higher set of steps and crashed into me. We landed on the floor with a thud and I looked up to see Violet; the girl who'd helped me with my lost timetable.

"Hey" I grin, "Do you always sweep girls off their feet?" I smirked but she didn't smile back. In fact, she looked... out of it? Drunk? I sat properly and leaned in.

"Violet?" I asked her loudly, "Can you hear me?".

"No, don't" Violet grabbed my wrist, "I see them!".

I frowned, "What?".

"I only left my drink for a minute" Violet whispered, her head lolling back and forth.

"What?" I ask again. What is she talking about? "Have you been drinking?".

Violet mumbled something again, which I couldn't hear so I managed to get her sitting up against the wall. Okay, so it was harsh but it had to be done. I gave a light slap and her eyes jolted open.

"I was up in—in the Tower and they said they needed me for something—I was important—and I refused and they... said it was okay! So I stayed for a little while, dancing, and then my drink... someone gave me a different cup and I drank it and!" Violet stopped for air, then breathed deeply, "Carmen, Carmen, Carmen... They did this to me!" suddenly, as if the burst of energy in her had gone out, she slumped against the wall; unconscious.

"What..." I gasped breathlessly. Just as I was about to get help, Miss Chattin opened her office door and walked out. She down at me and Violet and stopped abruptly.

"What on earth is going on!?" Miss Chattin cried.

"She fell down the stairs" I explained, "She said something about a Tower—" at this Miss Chattin's eyes grew big, "—I think someone spiked her drink".

Miss Chattin gazed at Violet sadly, "Not another one" quiet, but not quiet enough for me to not hear it. So... this has happened before? I watch as Miss Chattin rushes back into her office and uses the phone. "The nurses at the Sick Bay will be here in a minute" Miss Chattin said as she walked back towards me.

"Miss Chattin, what is the Tower?" I blurted out, "Violet mentioned it before she passed out, that's where she said she was".

Miss Chattin paled at this and grew suddenly quiet. Then like fast-motion, the nurses rushed towards us with a portable stretcher. They put Violet on it and rushed her off, Miss Chattin and I staring after them.

"I suggest you enjoy the rest of lunch" Miss Chattin said quietly.

"I suppose Violet will be staying overnight" I began slowly, "At the Sick Bay, I mean".

"Yes?" Miss Chattin frowned.

"Well, I can go up to her room and get some fresh clothes for her, y'know, a book, or her make-up..?" I desperately need her to say yes. _Please say yes, please say yes, please say—_

"What a good idea" Miss Chattin replied.

_Yes!_

I forced a smile and began climbing the stairs but then stopped. Shit. I didn't know Violet's room number. I saw a bunch of girls on the steps and took a chance, "Hey, eh sorry to bother you, do you happen to know where Violet's room is?".

"Violet..?" they asked.

Shit. I forgot her name. She did tell me it but I forgot, "Eh, I can't remember, but she's skinny, big red glasses, pretty, small—".

"Room 14, 3rd floor" a girl from behind the crowd stepped forwards. Did she look angry?

"Thanks" I eyed her weirdly as she held her glare at me. I began to turn the corner but then stopped and waited. Come on, open you're pretty little mouths and start talking.

"I don't like this" one of girls worried.

"Why was she going to Violet's room?" one of other girls asked.

"Do you think she knows?" their voices all blended into one.

"Of course she doesn't" that girl who answered me said, confidently, "If she did, she'd have said something already, I've heard all about her; Carmen De La Pica Morales, apparently she thinks she's all that, doesn't back down from a fight or nothing... Or... that's just what I heard... To me, she looks just like all the other girly, girls out there".

I refrained myself from going over there and showing her just how not so, girly, girly I am and turned away. So they were hiding something. And it seemed like they knew what happened to Violet. I followed her instructions, not expecting to end up at the right door, but I did.

"Violet's not here right now" her roommate said.

"I know" I sighed, "Can I come in?" she opened the door and I walked in, looking around, "Violet's at the Sick Bay, I think somebody spiked her drink... I'm here to get some overnight things".

"Oh my god!" the girl cried, "Are you serious?" she looked worried, "I have to go see her!" without another second, she ran from the room and left me alone. Thank you.

I closed the door behind me and looked around. Everything seemed in order. I moved over to the bed that had pictures of Violet on the wall and assumed it was her bed. I bent down and pulled out her drawers. Now normally, this wasn't something I would do but it was obvious that no-one was going to listen to me. I ruffled around, sighing when I found nothing. I pulled out Violet's school bag and stuffed some clothes inside. Then I moved over to the chest of drawers and began sifting through. Apparently, Violet's roommate still owed some company money. Then I came across a fancy red piece of card with ribbon attached. I opened it and there were the words; _Meet us where the Black Widow sings – TT_

I frowned even harder. Why was I starting to feel like I was in a mystery novel? I quickly stuffed the note into my jeans pocket. I made sure there was nothing else to find and finally grabbed Violet's bag, leaving the room. I was going to get to the bottom of this. Whether they liked it or not.

As I walked on, I saw that girl. She was staring at me.

*****

After I had dropped Violet's bag off at the Sick Bay, I left and headed for my dorm room. And now, I was watching as Jenny and Becky laugh at me. I don't know how Shane was reacting but I'm pretty sure she was smirking.

"I'm being serious" I growl, "Something is going on, Miss Chattin said herself this wasn't the one time! Someone is going around spiking girl's drinks and I don't wanna think about what for" I pause, "Violet said The Tower—" just then, the door opened and Lana strolled in. She looked at me sharply.

"Did you say The Tower?" she narrowed her eyes.

"What is with everyone's reaction whenever I say The Tower!?" I sigh.

"What is The Tower?" Shane asked the room.

"It's a Secret Society" Lana replied, "Only certain girls are asked to join and only for specific reasons".

"And you weren't because...?" I frowned. I was under the impression Lana was Queen Bee.

"I was, _actually_" Lana replied coldly, "I did my research and I declined... They're like this power-hungry group of girls; like building an army; the girls with wealthy daddies so they can pay, the girls who add the glamour and use their sexuality to get what they want and then, there's the girls that are the brains behind it all; the calling card".

"But..." I pulled the note out from my pocket, "Violet's not... They gave this to her but... She's not power-hungry, she wouldn't do that" okay, I've only met the girl once but I honestly don't believe she would be involved with that.

"Well, obviously" Lana rolled her eyes, "It's most likely the group just need another brain; Violet is one of the smartest girls around... With their money, and her mind, they could be very dangerous" she held her hand out, "Lemme see the note" I gave it to her and watched her read the words.

"Wow, she was sloppy" Lana looked up, "The Tower's known for its secrecy, I wonder what they would do if they knew Violet slipped up" she frowned, "I've got it... Black Widow; that's a type of bird—".

"Spider" Becky corrected her.

"It's also the nickname of a type of bird that lives here" Lana said; annoyed, "And the birds sings... They're talking about around the back of the school, where the garden is, the birds are most popular there... Obviously the TT stands for The Tower" she handed the note back to me.

"Do you know anything else about them?" Jenny asked.

Lana shrugged, "Mostly rumours... The spiking thing... Well, let's just say if someone refuses to join, they obviously drug them to make them forget they were ever there...".

I frown at her, "But you said no...".

"I'm smart enough not to go meet them on _their_ territory" Lana replied, sitting down, "I explained if I found anything misplaced in my memory, I'd get my father to hire someone to hunt them down and kick them out of school".

I frowned again, "But you said you hadn't seen your dad since you were 7...".

Lana's eyes turned into slits and shit; I shouldn't have said that in front of Shane, Jenny and Becky, "I _haven't_... My aunt and father married a while back... Like I said, I was... damaging their reputation with my wild party life and she stuck me in here; I don't speak or see any of my family... It's a little family agreement; I stay out of trouble, they leave me alone".

I suddenly felt stupid for even bringing it up.

"But..." Shane suddenly started, "I know dealers and stuff but... that type of drug, to make you forget stuff... Where would they get that from?".

"_Hello_" Lana rolled her eyes, "I mentioned the wealthy girls, didn't I? Rich and _connected_".

"Okay, so we kinda got the who, when, what, where, all we don't know is _why_? What's the purpose to all this?" I paced the floor, "Yeah, okay, they want to be powerful but... what, how can they be powerful in _here_? It's a school, this isn't like a company".

"They can get anyway with doing whatever they want" Lana folded her arms, "With the right smarts, they can rewrite records, change _anything_, do anything, as long as they cover their tracks, of course... Apparently, The Tower's like an ancient society".

"Well, what gives them the right to act like that?" I felt anger rise in me.

Lana shrugged carelessly.

"Don't you care at all?" I started, "You may not like or speak to your father but he started this... And they're ruining it".

"Carmen, maybe we should leave this, for now" Jenny spoke up.

"What?" I spun around, "No, they have to be stopped".

"Aren't you seeing your siblings tomorrow?" Shane frowned. Oh yeah, that's right. I was. Oops.

"I can stop this evil group and still have time for long-lost siblings" I force a smile.

"No, you can't" Jenny replied, "I know you're all about the justice, Carmen... But maybe, you should learn when to quit".

"Okay" I nodded back, "But now's not the time".

Okay, I know. I'll get Shane to back me up. "Shane?" I start, "You think we should do this, right?".

Shane looks away, sighing. Okay, feel free to jump in at any minute.

"Shane?" I blink.

"I just think you're taking on too much" Shane said quietly, "This isn't a good idea".

I fold my arms, just standing.

"I should get back to my dorm" Shane said suddenly. She leaned into my cheek for a kiss and then headed for the door.

Jenny must have felt uncomfortable because she excused herself and left, even though I share this dorm with her. I was left with just Becky and Lana.

"I think we should totally do it" Becky grinned.

"Really?" I asked, surprised.

Becky nodded, "Yeah, fight the power".

Lana glanced up at us.

"Lana?" I asked nicely.

"No".

"Please?" I begged, "You're like the only one who actually knows things about them".

"You're insane" Lana stood, "It would take weeks, months, to break into The Tower, or to even know who's in it... And it sounds like your busy tomorrow, by the way".

"I can fit them in" I babbled. Okay, I couldn't, but I could _try_, right? No one hates a trier.

Lana stared at me.

"Look, we need to do something" I added, "Look, please, just, _please_".

Her stance faltered and she sighed, "Fine".

"All we have to do is find out who's in The Tower and get a confession, or evidence" I announced, "Any ideas?".

"We should probably talk to Violet first" Becky started, "You're lucky you caught her when you did... It sounds as if she won't remember anything now but... worth a shot, I suppose".

"I could see if there's any gossip on the grapevine" Lana added, "Or start some rumours myself, see if The Tower retaliate".

"Great" I grinned, "Lana, you start your thing tomorrow morning, Becky and I will over to Violet, see if she can remember something, then we should question her roommate, see if she noticed anything odd about Violet's behaviour... Then, while I'm off meeting new family members, you two head down to the library and see if there's anything—anything at all on the database about The Tower".

"What are we, Carmen's Angels?" Becky smirked.

"Look, don't mock me" I laughed, "I'm deadly serious... Go get some rest, we'll all meet up tomorrow morning".

Becky said goodnight and then left, leaving me and Lana alone. The tension wasn't as bad now; I figured I'd broken down some barriers but knowing her, they'll probably be back by the time this is all over.

Now, I just want my bed. I've got a feeling I've got a very long day ahead.

* * *

**Author's Note: I know I said two chapters left but I think I'll make it three; rap this up here in the next chap and then do an epilogue of the future. Reviews are love! xxx**


End file.
